Crissy And Hafiz Sittin’ in a Tree

A few days ago Crissy got a friend request on Facebook. This happens almost every day because, well, Crissy is the QOFE and everyone loves her and wants to be close to her. Sometimes she does not accept the friend request because she thinks it’s rude for people to just add her as a friend without so much as sending her a message first. Come on now people! Even dogs sniff each other’s asses before they make friends.

Crissy is not suggesting we do that but she feels very strongly that at least a “how do you do” is in order.


And sometimes Crissy sends them a message inquiring as to how they found her because Crissy insists on some sort of contact with each and every one of her Facebook Queefs.

Crissy does not want random freaks in the ranks of her “friends.” Crissy is enough of a random freak all by herself thank you very much.

Sometimes Crissy has accepted people just for the hell of it even though she sort of knows they’re of the unsavory sort and they turned out to be just as she suspected because she’s smart and also slightly psychic like that and so she has been forced to block them.

One time this random freak tried to tell her he was in Western Civ class at Providence College and Crissy was not having it because Western Civ classes had like 100 people in them and the only person Crissy spoke with was a very sweet little lesbian named Regan. Not some dude named P.T. Sullivan. And so when her good buddy P.T. tried to ask her what she’s been up to she said:

“Oh, you know the usual. Got out of rehab, got over my gambling problem and I’m just trying to get my life back on track. I get to see my kids this Friday!”

And he never wrote back.

How odd.

But this time Crissy got a very sweet request from Hafiz Ayaz Ali Qureshi and his request was very sweet and Crissy tried to cut and paste it here for you but she can’t find it now but it was sweet so she accepted his request and from that moment to right now and maybe even as we speak he has been showering her with “expensive gifts” and “kiss kiss hottest crush” and “wall posters” and “perfume” and Crissy has no idea what these things are and she doesn’t have time to find out so maybe if one of you Facebook savvy Queefs know you can fill her in. Please. He also sends Crissy many greeting cards wishing her a “Happy Eid Day.” Like two or three per day.

Crissy does not know what the hell Eid day is so she looked it up and apparently it is some sort of Ramadan thing. Crissy hopes that he doesn’t expect her to stop eating or swearing.

That would totally blow chunks if Crissy couldn’t eat or say naughty words because that’s pretty much Crissy’s day.

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  1. Which raises the question, once you accept a FB friend, is there a way to unaccept them? I mean, friendships come and go all the time. Shouldn’t you be able to disown the guy if/when his demands get to be too much?

  2. Ramadan’s over. Thank God. The Good Surgeon that I work for is done starving himself. Again, thank the Good God above, because he’s an asshole when he’s fasting. But he says the f word all the time, so you’re safe there….

  3. You have not gotten over your gambling problem. Just last week you wanted me to bet on whether or not you could drink 13 shots and not tell someone they’re ugly. Of course you lost.

  4. I totally didn’t write a funny note on my friend request. How could I think I was going to strengthen our online only friendship without a witty message. For shame.

  5. You must get to know this guy better. Not only does he probably keep his pants on when he gets home from the harem, but he probably wears those billowy, balloony pants. The kind you can wear to DSW and hide at lease six pairs of shoes in!!

  6. Man I must be a huge loser – I don’t get any cool requests on facebook. None. I want somebody to send me some “kiss kiss hottest crush” even though I have zero idea what it means.

  7. i think you’ll find that there is a large percentage of males out there around the globe that just LOOOOOOOOOOVE pale white skinned women.

    tell him you’re in dire straights and you need him to paypal you some money.

    if you feel bad about it, send him some panties for his trouble.

  8. True story: Back when I went to Boarding School, there was a Saudi prince there. He actually offered my stepfather money for me. (And I honestly think my stepfather seriously considered the offer). By the end of the year, though, he decided that perhaps an American woman would make his other wives unhappy (yes, he already had wives and was in High School). FWIW, he wore Armani cologne and therefore smelled 100% better than the American guys!

    Just be careful, the whole multiple wives situation can be ugly.

  9. Eid al Fitr is the celebration of the end of Ramadan (the muslim month of fasting from sunup to sundown). it’s basically a 3 day holiday/party.

  10. Ken is right on this one–pale face with eyes other than brown get a lot of play in other countries.

    You have no idea how many camels men offered up to me in Egypt…

  11. Oh! Is that how facebook works? When, as you say, you “block” someone on facebook, is that the same as a temporary restraining order or more like a permanent injunction? I have found that, in the real world, you have to work harder to get someone to get a permanent injunction against you. But, in general, it’s worth it. I need to buy a book on this or something.

    I think that “eid” spells “die” backwards. If he sends you any cards that say “redrum,” you know you’re in a world of shit.

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