Run Bitch!

The other day Crissy looked out her window to see her friend Michele running by the house. Crissy threw open the window and yelled “run bitch! RUN!!!” at her.

The woman looked up to see Crissy standing in her window in her underpanties and guess what?

Not.

Michele.

Whoopsie.

Thank goodness that the woman looked up at that moment though because the next thing out of Crissy’s mouth was going to be “nice ass!”

Crissy has requested that Michele wear a name tag when she goes jogging from now on.

A Crissyspage Special Report: Crotch Rot Strikes Schmuckytown Library Employees

Crissy has been noticing lately that her crotchals are a tad, well, how can she say this and still maintain her spotless reputation as a proper lady?

Bwahahahahahahaha!!!

Ahem…

Raw?

And Crissy vowed to maybe lay off her Rabbit a little bit and see how we do but then a couple of her little friends at the library approached her as she was leaving the ladies room and said

“psssst! Is your crotch itchy?”

And Crissy said “why yes, yes it is come to think of it!” and then Crissy reached down and gave her delicates a bit of a how’s your mother for added effect.

And then Lynne (of course Lynne was involved!) rubbed her fronts on the locker handles.

And then Crissy rubbed hers on the corner.

And then we decided that a call to the Facilities Manager, who happens to be a woman thank sweet baby jeezus, was indeed necessary. Why would at least five of Schmuckytown Public Library’s finest employees have the crotch rot at the same time if it wasn’t due to an inferior brand of toilet tissue?

Girl parts are delicate and should always be caressed by rose petals.

It cannot possibly be that we are all using our Rabbits a little too much can it?

Well, of course it can but let’s pretend the five of us delicate flowers are NOT actually dirty sluts and just say it’s the TP.

Mmmkay?

And so now we’re going around whipering “how’s your twat?” just to see if it’s just us or if anyone else is having an issue with the tissue.

Crissy thinks this pussying about and whispering around is a waste of time and we should just make an announcement over the PA:

“Attention library employees. Will anyone with an itchy snatch please report to the break room please? Itchy snatchs to the breakroom. Thank you.”

And do you Queefs know what the Facilities Manager’s response was when we told her of our situation?

“I haven’t switched brands in years. Maybe you just need to shave or wax. Do a touch up. What do you want me to do? Call my supplier and tell him that my girls have itchy twidgets? He’ll probably offer to come over and inspect.”

And so as it turns out the answer is not in the TP at all. Now there’s a rumor that someone has herpes and we all caught it from her from using the same toilet.

Crissy is going to go with that theory. Crissy smells a witch hunt!

Weeeeeeee!!!!

Finally!

Somebody fucking won something!

So yesterday Crissy and Stoogie put their heads together and Crissy picked the winners of all the great stuff that Stoogie has in his closet taking up valuable sex toy space. And we did it all official like and used Random.com or Random.org or whatever it’s called and you can blame Crissy if you didn’t win but if you did win then you can thank Crissy.

And to express your gratitude you can also send her that new purple Coachy love she showed you a picture of a few weeks ago.

WHAT?!?

It costs less than what either the camera or the camera plus tons of other crap would have cost you so it would be saving money.

Crissy is always looking for ways to help the Queefs save a buck in these difficult and trying financial times!

Crissy is magnanimous.

And so anyway, Crissy picked the winning numbers and then to celebrate the winners she had very naughty phone sex with Stoogie and it was sooooo goooood that Crissy’s panties are still wet and she’s changed them twice already and let Crissy also tell you Queefs that he is a very, very dirty boy.

But you kind of already knew that anyway.

So the winners are….

The camera and all the crap that goes with it: MR. PERFECTLY!!!

And the video camera: MELISSA LION who Crissy thinks should celebrate her winning by making a naughty movie of herself with her new camera!

Take it off girl!

Don’t worry Mr. Perfectly. We won’t make you do it too.

Although it is only fair…

FIRE!!! FIRE!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

You know what Crissy hates?

Crissy hates it when she’s awake at 3:00 am being a Nervous Nelly, a Doubting Thomas, a Debbie Downer, a Worry Wart (Crissy hates that expression. It’s gross.) and she has to lay there listening to her bedmates, Mister, Alice and Big Pussy, just doing nighty nights without a care in the world.

And Alice is all “snork, snork, oink!”

And Big Pussy is all “puuuuuuuurrrrrrrr, puuuuuuuuurrrrrr, puuuuuuuuuurrrrrrr.”

And Mister is all “Hooonnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkk.”

And it makes Crissy feel just a little bitter and resentful and homicidal because they’re sleeping and she’s up worrying about Aliens and anal probing and writing ridiculous blog posts in her head exactly like this one and things like that and they’re not and she is very, very tempted to be like

“OH MY GOD!!! FIRE! FIRE!!! WAKE! UP!”

And then when they wake up all panicked and stuff Crissy will play innocent and say “What? I was asleep this whole time. I didn’t say anything.”

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Good luck getting back to sleep ASSHOLES.

Crissy Takes Care of Business

Everyone knows that Mondays are for taking care of business and so that is what Crissy is going to do today. Take care of a little business.

Remember when stoogie made a little contest which you may or may not have heard about and remember how the beautiful and talented Ms. Dingo went to dinner with Stoogie to choose the winner of said contest?

Well during that dinner Mr. Dingo, Ms. Dingo’s main squeeze, was challenged to make Crissy a wonderful badge to go along with her winning the Blogger’s Choice thingy.

Crissy has been meaning to show the Queefs what this marvelous badge looks like:

TA-DA!!!

HMB-Brag-Badge-1.gif

The artistry is stoogie’s and just let Crissy say that the likeness is stunningly accurate, but the photoshopping is all Mr. Dingo. Crissy has had it for a while but to be honest with you Queefs Crissy is not very good with The Technology. Sure, she can whip up one hell of a veggie lasagna, but when it comes to computer things or remembering phone messages or working well with others Crissy is not so good. So Crissy had to ask Mister for help because Crissy could not for her life figure out how to get this thing from her email to her blog.

So thanks Mister and thanks Mr. Dingo for the wonderful badge. Crissy is going with the official Blogger’s Choice one but IT’S NOT BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T LOVE THE ONE YOU MADE FOR HER.

Also, the winner of Stoogie’s contest has not come forward yet. What the fuck is wrong with you Soapbox? Do you not want wonderful prizes? So Stoogie and Crissy are going to pick somebody else.

In other news, Crissy is bummed out that it’s Monday already.

That is all.