It’s September Queefs!
And you know what that means?
It’s the time of the year when Crissy and Mister try to decide whether to have another baby or not.
“Why September?” you ask.
Why not September?
And Crissy will be honest with you. Mister is really sitting more on the no fucking way in Hades will I get you pregnant and I’ll chop my balls off right now if you keep asking me about it woman side of the fence and Crissy is sort of straddling the middle where she at times thinks romantically about the baby and then at times remembers that her first baby is a fire monster and does she really want to have two fire monsters?
Nay, nay Queefs.
But Crissy isn’t getting any younger and next year Crissy and Mister will very old indeed and be at risk for having a Downsy baby or a baby with some horrifying issue featurable on the Discovery Channel or whatever and even though the Downsy babies seem very sweet and charming and nice and all, the Crissys would rather have a healthy baby who will eventually grow up and disappoint them bitterly get the fuck out of their house.
And also it means that Crissy will have to have Sexy Time when she doesn’t particularly feel like having Sexy Time and she hates that and she could always just go with a Play Through but she doesn’t really want the baby growing up knowing that he or she was conceived while Mommy watched Ghost Hunters and complained that Daddy was bouncing his butt too high and was blocking the tee-vee.
That’s no way to get knocked up. Babies should be conceived in a romantic way during screaming drunken wildness involving approximately 3 midgets and a large black double ended dildo. And the whole thing should be a blur and a month later Crissy should find herself sitting on the side of the bathtub holding a positive pregnancy test and scratching her head because she can’t quite remember how it all went down and she’ll be worried that the baby will be a midget with an incredibly large black penis.
That’s a much better story to tell the baby as it involves people his/her size.
And what will happen to the blog? When will Crissy find time for the blog? Crissy barely has time for it now.
And what about Crissy’s booze and pills? Those judgy doctors frown upon the booze and the pills.
And what about all the cool clothes Crissy just got at Savers? Who will wear the purple Ralph Lauren blazer?
And who will take care of the baby? Certainly not Crissy!
And most importantly, what if the baby comes out not pretty?
So September is a month of negotiations and Crissy is ovulating in a couple of weeks and so we have two weeks to decide if we will make a go of it this month or not but just in case, Crissy is looking for suggestions for some good porn titles.
Particularly ones involving short people (not children, short people).
It seems appropriate for the occasion.