Sockettes, Why Dost Thou Disappoint Me So?

Crissy went on a little bit of a shopping spree on Saturday sans Girlfriend and it was glorious. She was able to try on clothes without spending the entire time arguing with Girlfriend about getting out of the stroller (she peed under a rack at Old Navy once and Crissy had to use a Clearance sweater to mop it up. It’s okay though because the sweater was u.g.l.y.) or searching her bag for a cup of juice, a bag of bunny crackers, or her beloved die cast Thomas the Tank Engine.

And Crissy got a bunch of essential things like pants for work and her first pair of skinny jeans since 1986 and she’d show you pictures but you really don’t give a rat’s ass and also Crissy got some things she’s needed for a while but just put off getting.

Like these little Sockettes, for example:

They’re actually called shoe liners but Crissy thinks Sockettes is better. Try saying it.

Sockettes.

Now try it with an Outrageous French Accent.

Sockettes! Awhuhuhuhaw!

See?

Fun.

For the uninitiated, these little jobbies are meant to be worn in lieu of socks so that the wearer can look stylishly sock-less whilst her tootsies stay warm and dry and comfy all day long.

They’re supposed to HIDE in the shoe.

As in not visible.

They are the most bullshit product ever made.

Granted the ones pictured above are not the ones Crissy bought. She got the Target brand ones but really they’re the same thing and Crissy was sooo excited about her new Sockettes that she rushed home to try them out with all her favorite shoes and this is what happened:

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FAIL.

Big. Giant. Fail.

So Crissy has decided that what she will do instead is just go the opposite direction and just wear the loudest, most obvious socks she can find.

These are rather nice…

Puet sucez mon pénis, Sockettes.

Awhuhuhuhaw!

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29 comments

  1. I’ve never met a pair of Sockettes that actually hid like they were supposed to. Stupid Sockettes. On the other hand, I think you have the name for your girl gang. You know, the one you are going to have when you go to your reunion to open a can of whoop ass on Puttin’ on the Ritz?

  2. I have those rainbow socks…but mine have the little toe compartment thingies. But I have a little bad news for you: I have the non-Target sockettes and they still peek out of my shoes. Sockettes are no good!

  3. The only time they really properly hide in your shoes is if you wear them under short boots. Then if you find some small enough to hide right, they keep slipping down off your heel and you’re walking on a little sock wad.

  4. MUST KNOW WHAT BRAND AND WHERE TO GET SHOES IN PICTURE NUMBER TWO. SOCKETTES BE DAMNED. I MUST HAVE THEM.

    Oh, and I gave up sockettes years ago. I had the same problemo. Just put a little baby powder in the bottom of your shoes. It’s better than the sweat and stank.

  5. Oh, I was going to say the same thing that you said at the the end. My thought is, just go for it with the socks. Get some knee highs and some cute argyles and wear the shit out of those with your cute shoes. People will admire your self-confidence. Plus I’m thinking I’m only wearing knee highs this fall and we can be twinners.

  6. I love the rainbow socks.

    I’m also thinking thigh-high stockings, with a cute seam design on the back, would work really well with all those shoes or with nothing else at all. Okay, maybe a garter. If you insist.

    But I do love the rainbow socks.

    For the record, fuck sockettes.

  7. Sockettes are very stylish. If your definition stylish = looking like one of the Golden Girls.

    I, too, once fell victim to the claim that sockettes would make my toes happy.

  8. my mom tries to buy and make me where those all the time.

    hello! they don’t work with 98% of flats!

    here’s my helpful tip for you – i found that the ones that are just made to cover your toes and the balls of your feet work best no heel coverage. next time you see them – buy them!

  9. Hi Crissy,
    Since this post in 2008 have you tried any sockettes that you find acceptable?
    I am working on manufacturing a pair of sockettes that truly do not show (my solution is to offer sizes, and of course not look like the ones they sell at Target). I am also working on a lace pair (The lace would show a little, but there would not be any seams showing on the lace). If I can pull this off, do you think this would go over well?

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