It’s a TOOMA!!!

Crissy has a very big problem.

She’d show it to you, but she has a very strict policy against being ugly in front of her Queefs.

Also it won’t fit into the frame of the picture.

Crissy would call it a zit or a pimple but that would be an understatement. Those words are too cute.

It’s more like this:

It’s a second face growing on Crissy’s chin.


It’s more like a small town growing on Crissy’s chin.

It has applied for it’s own zip code.

And it wouldn’t surprise Crissy to see this thing if she wasn’t so meticulous about her skincare regimen or if she was expecting her period.

But she is and she’s not.



How is Crissy supposed to enjoy her weekend?

And Crissy has tried to cover it up with some concealer and some loose powder but it just slides off the sides and creates a bulls-eye type ring around it instead.

Sort of like Saturn.

And Crissy has been trying to burn it off by obsessively putting Retin-A on it every thirty seconds or so. This seems to be working but Crissy doesn’t think that Shane, her face doctor, would approve of this method.

But Shane doesn’t have to walk around with this thing on his face so he can just suck Crissy’s dick.

So what Crissy wants to know is if her Queefs have any better ideas for how she can make this thing go away.





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  1. Tea tree oil, toothpaste, festering rage and prayer are usually a good mix.

    I had a mountain randomly pop up on my lip that made me look like I suffered from the mouth herpes which I don’t but it looked like it so I did lots of things to get rid of it and ended up looking like the Joker from the new batman movie that I fell asleep in.

    I like run on sentences sometimes.

  2. do a hot compress for a good 15 minutes. use two q-tips to put pressure aroung the tooma and give a squeeze. if it does not pop easily, do not force it. apply another hot compress and try again. if it pops, use another q-tip to apply basic rubbing alcohol (this will hurt like a bitch but will help disinfect and dry that sucker out). then apply some sort of topical zit shrinking ooze (something with salcylic acid), and you should be good to go.

  3. Ah, you’ve been inflicted with a face tumor, as we like to call it in my house. We usually threaten the tumor with a Bazooka and it normally scares the fucker into submission.

  4. Give yourself a black eye, put a band aid on the thing and tell everyone you’ve had a horrific accident. This way you get sympathy and nobody has to know its a zit.

  5. Dermatologists will sometimes open them up and drain them for you so they don’t scar. Call the skin doctor and see what he says.

    Crissy’s Pimp? That’s so disgusting, I choked.

  6. Go with Crissy’s Pimp’s idea and pop that sucker off your face. Or hide under your bed and pray to Jeebus it goes. It’s what I do sometimes. No, it has never worked for me, but it could for you!

    I officially suck at helping you out with an idea.

  7. This is what happens when you mock The Miracle Tree.

    Try a balaclava. It will not only cover up your stoopid tooma, it will make you look all sexy and terroristy.

    You have a dick? No wonder is still beating you for Hottest Mommy Blogger. They have three!

    I love your pimp’s photo!

  8. It sounds like it’s approaching the size of the one Chris had in The Family Guy.

    I still get them every so often and it makes me feel like I’m back in high school. And not in a good way.

  9. The burka idea had me rolling. I’ve got nothing for you, unfortunately. You could always try the route of Toula’s father in My Big Fat Greek Wedding: Put some Windex on it.

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