The lovely people at Coach know that Crissy loves her fun and colorful mommy purses and so whenever they have a new fabulousness coming out they shoot her an email because they know it will make her hate her life by showing her another beauteous thing she cannot have. And it makes them feel very happy and superior and snotty.
And here is the latest.
It’s the Sabrina bag from the new Madison collection and it’s only $358.
It’s practically free when you think about it.
And Crissy likey.
Crissy whines but Mister no buy-y no matter how much Crissy promises the suck-y fuck-y.
He just goes on and on about oil and food and something about winter and tits freezing off and Crissy puts her fingers in her ears and shouts “lalalalalalalalala! I can’t hear you boring man!”
You Queefs know how much Crissy loves her bags don’t you?
Remember this one?
And how much Crissy loved it?
And do you know what Crissy found in that dark abyss when she cleaned it out yesterday Queefs?
Well, she will tell you because Crissy finds her purse contents fascinating.
- 1 umbrella
- wallet containing receipts but no money.
- coupon organizer with no coupons in it because Crissy can never remember to bring them.
- Life organizer with like three things written in it from January when Crissy swore she would become someone who is organized and writes her appointments down in a calendar instead of on scraps of paper which promptly get lost and leave Crissy apologizing to Dr. office staff personnel for missing the appointment and please do not charge her $25 for being a moron.
- Sally beauty supply membership card
- ginger candy she put in her bag for her pregnant friend Jennifer to help with the puking but Jennifer had the baby already (it’s a BOY!) and Crissy never got it to her. Maybe next time.
- one plastic tube thing of honey
- one partially eaten strawberry Cow’s Tail
- 2 lipsticks. I Mary Kay lipstick in Shell down to a tiny nub (Hi Rachel! Consider this my order for more Shell)
- 1 sample size tube of concealer because you never know when you’re going to have to conceal a gun or a knife or an eight ball of coke or something.
- keys. duh.
- sunglasses. double duh.
- 1 grape Fruitabu
- gum. Crissy has a very serious gum addiction
- 3 pens including one with a frog wearing boxing gloves and when you press the buttons he punches you.
- Princess Jasmine panties
- Old navy khaki shorts size 3T
- one hair elastic
- one hair clip
- One My Little Pony
- Chuck E. Cheese tokens
- 16 gum wrappers
- unidentifiable dirt like substance
And so what if Crissy treats her purse like a dumpster?
If she had her new Sabrina bag she wouldn’t do that.
She swears it.
So you guys are going to chip in and get it for her right?
If everyone donates a dollar, and Crissy has more readers than 358 every day so not everyone would have to (Crissy is looking at YOU, Cheapy Cheapingtons. She bets you haven’t voted yet either), then she could have her Sabrina and everyone would be happy.
Who’s with Crissy?