Schmuckytown Woods: The Place to See Weird Stuff

And then the Crissys came across the third and final bizarre site just off the Equestrian trails at Schmuckytown Woods this past Sunday as if you guys didn’t know where the Crissys went this weekend by now. Crissy promises she will shut. up. about the fucking woods already after this.

It’s like she’s never been before. wtf?

Anyway, here it is:

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What the hell?

It was a tree decorated with beads and feathers and angels and all kinds of random crap.

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And contrary to what Crissy thought it was not even a memorial for some poor dead Woodland Gay or anything.

And the rocks around the bottom of it had stuff written on them too. The handwriting was different on all of them and Crissy is certain that at some point in the very recent past a bucket full of crazy was poured on this poor tree and it’s surrounding woodland accoutrements.

Wait. Is that a kabbalah string hanging from that stick?

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Also, as evidenced by the rainbow flag, they are clearly Woodland Gay friendly.

Here are the rocks Crissy mentioned:

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And one rock that you maybe can’t see here said that if Crissy needs a miracle she should take a leaf but Crissy is all stocked up on crazy at the moment so she didn’t take one.

But do you Queefs think there might be some of those Miracle leaves left because Crissy’s thinking that maybe she should have taken one anyway just in case the coo-coo for coco puffs crazy people are right.

It’s the same feeling of self doubt that she gets when she deletes all those emails that say “if you don’t forward this to ten friends in the next 5.2 seconds your head will turn to lime jello and start to smell like fish.”

What if it actually happens?

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  1. Oh those homos…one of them probably saw Madonna (the recording skeleton of death, not the mother of Jesus) in the tree bark and decided it could grant wishes.

    Clearly the only wish Madonna is granting is a buttload of money for Justin Timberlake for letting her dry-hump him on one of her latest singles.

    That’s a wish no one really wanted.

  2. well, good thing it’s a dry hump–madonna could pulverize JT’s peenor with a single, well-timed kegel.

    now that i think about it, there’s probably a REAL miracle tree deep in the forest that has condoms (both new and used) as decorations. if you happen to stumble on that one, best do a hasty retreat.

    or find a good place to hide and watch.

  3. Woodland gays and Crazy trees…my, my wasn’t Crissy’s walk in the woods filled with wonders to behold? Does anyone but me think that the Crazy tree is looking not so healthy? (Or maybe it’s just a bad angle in the pictures). The woods out back of Adminderella’s house don’t house miracle trees or woodland gays… just lyme-crazed ticks and angry skunks.

  4. Yeah, I bet Winnie-the-Pooh nailed to the Miracle Tree isn’t all that excited about the miracles that tree produces either.

    Hey, is this whole thing staged? I mean, remember the beads people threw you for showing your boobs when you were in that parade telling people to catch some literacy disease or something? Aren’t those same beads hanging from the Miracle Tree?

    Anyways, my favorite part of that first picture is Alice, who looks a little concerned that, Miracle Tree or not, a Woodland Gay might just snatch your cameraman.

  5. Actually, I think the woodland gays are up to no good. You see, they figured if they dressed a tree to your LEFT with a dose of fabulous, you’d never look to your RIGHT where they were getting it on. See how it works? Don’t fall for it next time. Rubber duckies on your left. Live porn on your right!

  6. I’m at a loss for words. I’d run for the hills if I came up upon that……although, I think Nilsa may be right……

    But I’m still going with really creepy.

  7. Were you terrified? I would have been. You stop to take pictures, and then the teddy bear tree wickens surround you and do all this Rosemary’s Baby shit. Or something. It doesn’t look good.

  8. I think you were supposed to take some leaves, dry them out, then roll them inside of special paper and burn them (inhaling the smoke along the way). That might make the tree seem just delightful.

  9. You know, this is how all the horror movies start. Innocent family stumbles upon some what the fuck, starts poking around yelling things like, “Hello? Does anyone have corn?” And the next thing you know, you are running through the woods with a crazy Woodland Gay chasing you threatening to dress you in paisley and plaid. Oh, the horror!

  10. I totally have that fear when I don’t send those emails. And I worry about not adding green points or whatever on Facebook. I’m pretty sure I’ve killed several polar bears by not putting a green patch on my page.

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