Fence Posts Hurt Crissy’s Crotchal Area

So Crissy counted the votes and the “yes! Crissy should have a baby because tales of her vomiting at Target will entertain the Internet” votes are just a little bit ahead of the “Of course Crissy should not have a baby because babies are boring” votes. Sadly, it seems that Mister is on the No side and if you read through the comments from yesterday you’ll see he has devised an elaborate plan involving dipping his balls in scalding hot water to prevent any second babies from happening.

And so it seems Queefs that we are still on the fence about the whole baby or not baby thing. Maybe Crissy will go to the Dollar Depot and purchase a Magic 8 Ball and ask it whether or not she should have a baby.

And if Mister does not cooperate with Crissy she will just have to go to stud and so she will be taking applications for Stud Service. Had she known that Mister would be so dead set against the plan then she would have perhaps propositioned the representative from National Grid who recently came to install a new wireless gas meter to Crissy’s basement natural gas dispensing device thingy.

All Crissy could think about when Brown Sugar was in her basement is the hide-a-bed inside her sofa and how the finished basement room in her house was perfect for shooting naughty Jungle Fever films and he looked very strong and could probably lift her onto the bar and that she’d call the video Crissy and the Chocolate Lovah and Crissy won’t lie to you Queefs. He smelled sweet and spicy and his skin looked smooth and creamy like a Lindt chocolate truffle and Crissy just wanted to lick him up and down and all over and —

Wait.

Crissy forgot what she was talking about…

So aaanyhotblackmaninthebasement, Crissy is still undecided about the baby but she is very glad that most of the Queefs think it’s a good idea because she would never want to do anything that her loyal subjects disapprove of.

Perhaps she’ll just adopt another dog or maybe Angelina Jolie will give her one of her extra babies or perhaps tell Crissy how she can get a little Mexican house boy instead.

She’ll name him Taco and teach him to speak English by reading to him from the Bartender’s Bible.

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36 comments

  1. I’m all for a little National Grid myself. But, what if debaybee looks a little brown for the Mister’s liking. While he’s soaking his balls, you best make sure he’s also getting a deep dark Caribbean tan, so there’s no question as to who is the father.

  2. if you’re going to play the hot and horny housewife in the jungle fever basement, at least call me so i can rush home from work and take some pictures to be sold to the internets.

    there’s quite a market for interracial stuff, you know, and it’d pay for the back deck lumber.

    hell, you might even get lucky and have that DP fantasy come true.

    i’ll work on a helmet cam. can’t be too prepared!

  3. When this new baby is old enough to understand human things, I’m totally making it read these posts to understand how its life was planned. I’ll consider it my community service for the year.

    “Now baby, do you know what double-ended dildo means?”

  4. Vomiting at Target? That *does* sound like a blast. Actually, just having an excuse to create a registry at Target is almost enough to get me on the baby bandwagon. Not sure it’d be enough for the BF, though. He’s probably more on the “I’ll be scalding my balls regularly” side of the fence.

  5. Balls. I totally didn’t vote yesterday.

    I totally think you and K should make more babies – girlfriend is absolutely adorable, and you should go for round 2.

    If all else fails, just tie the hubby down and take charge. Would he really complain?

  6. i’m thinking the house boy could suffice for now but he will have to be able to make a mean martini.

    i didn’t vote yesterday – but i vote for more babies!!! i hear twins are all the rage these days.

  7. Ok, ok! I’ll be your surrogate! I just know you were waiting for me to offer. Have Mr. Crissy make a deposit, then bring it in tomorrow with a turkey baster and you can implant me during break. K?

  8. Like Leah, I missed the vote yesterday. But I’m with her: make more babies!

    National Grid Dude sounds like he knows how to handle the pipes and all, and I would gladly pay for the DP video your pimp makes. I’m also available to help with the filming and any TP scenes you decide to choreograph. The only issue is that money shots that look good on video are not very good for procreation, so you should expect to have to do a lot of takes. I’m all for that, too.

  9. No, no no! No babies yet!!!!

    We have a plan. Melissa and Megan and I have a plan and it does not involve you being pregnant, so hang on.

    Emailing you forthwith.

  10. Crissy, seriously, all these people telling you to have more babies because they’re cute, well, is that really a compelling reason? It doesn’t sound to me that you’re totally OK with the concept, romanticism be damned, and it sounds like Mister is very happy with the idea of having an only child. Sorry all you baby-mongers, but it just doesn’t sound right to me!

  11. Helen is right. And remember…Today’s cute baby is tomorrow’s surly teenager.

    IF Mister was all for another baby, I guess I’d be more supportive but I am honestly unconvinced that there is a compelling reason for there to be another baby in the Crissy family.

  12. Hey I was just checking your meter – I don’t appreciate you blogging about me.

    Ok fine I’m a scrawny white dude and not a big black guy – but other than that you can’t tell us apart.

  13. Dammit, Lynn beat me to it. Except no turkey baster and I get to keep my IUD in.

    Okay, I’m back from thinking sex is boring and gross to hot hot hot. And hard up.

    You know why? I don’t have an infant.

  14. just to set the matter straight, i’m not dead-set against another rugrat.

    the thing is, both crissy and i have younger siblings, and (for better and for worse) neither of us can imagine growing up without them, so it kind of tempers the judgment.

    i guess the next question is: how many of the “HELL NO DON’T GET PR3GG0RZ” folks are only children themselves?

    and as a follow-up, if they AREN’T only children, isn’t that a bit hypocritical? perhaps your sibling(s) live under a highway overpass and host bukkake parties at their cardboard box to earn the remains of a half-eaten fillet-o-fish pulled from the dumpster, and the choice is easy. but MAYBE they’re successful and happy and genuinely good people who enrich your life by being in it???

  15. Hmmm. Mister is not totally against the idea. Well, this gives hope to Girlfriend having a little fire monster to boss around. I am one of 4 – all girls. My sisters are one of the best things about my life. I have a niece who is an only child and HATES IT. Hated it as a kid, hates it now and dreads it when her parents are gone.

  16. For the record I am an only child and am not warped by it at all. I never, EVER wanted siblings. And I can name, off the top of my head, a dozen people I know who have siblings they are not on speaking terms with. Including, but not limited to, my ex husband who invited ONE of his three siblings to our wedding because he felt the other two would ruin the day for him.

    If you both REALLY want a baby, then by all means, have a baby. But don’t do it if you aren’t both really on board, it’s not what you both really want and keep in mind all of the additional expenses. Also, there are sadly no guarantees about kids, so ask if you are prepared to care for a special needs child or what would happen if (God Forbid) one of you gets hit by a bus.

    Make the choice that is best for the Crissy family and I, for one, will support whatever that choice is.

  17. Mister, please do not knock cardboard box bukkake parties, even in defense of siblings. The attendees of those parties are all my brothers and the bridge trolls getting splooged are all my sisters.

  18. Wait, I’m not saying you all should want an only child, I’m just giving myself mad props is all. Have another. Or don’t. I love you all just the same. It just postpones our threesome.

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