Jesus Tap Dancing Christ

Saturday morning was Girlfriend and Alena’s first tap/jazz combination dancing class.

Girlfriend started out by waking up at 3:30 am and staying up for the rest of the morning.

Here is a picture of her in her dancing outfit having breakfast.


If anyone didn’t believe Crissy when she says Girlfriend is a fire monster, Crissy submits the above photo as evidence.

And here are the girls looking very excited for class to start and getting jiggy with it in their matching outfits


Aren’t they just the sweetest thing?

And here’s Alena breaking it down


And here’s Girlfriend busting a move


And then they get into class and we have this


And this


Girlfriend liked the skipping around the room part…


And then out of nowhere we have this


She did not fall down. She simply decided that dancing sucked balls and threw herself on the floor and Crissy and Mister had to carry a screaming and crying Girlfriend out of the dance studio and bring her home without ever even getting her into her tap shoes.

What happened? Didn’t Girlfriend like the dancing?

Girlfriend had better like the fucking dancing because Crissy spent a lot time and a lot of monies on this project already.

Check it:

Tap shoes: $35
Ballet slippers: $15
Dance outfit: $29.50
Dance class registration fee: $20
Time spent at open house waiting in line (whilst suffering from that monkey disease Crissy had a couple of weeks ago) to register Girlfriend for class: 45 minutes
Trips to dance shoe store 1/2 hour away from home to purchase shoes and return to pick up special order shoes for Girlfriend’s delicate little super narrow tootsies: 2
Telephone calls to dance shoe store to check to see if Girlfriend’s shoes had arrived at the store: 3
Hours spent fantasizing about attending her first dance recital: countless

Girlfriend will be Shirley Temple-ing and Good Ship Lollipop-ing her ass off if Crissy has anything to say about it.

But of course she doesn’t because we all know who the boss is around here and it is certainly not Crissy.

Crissy is Queen of Fucking Everything (Except for Girlfriend).

She should change her title.

As it turned out Girlfriend asked to go to bed as soon as she got home which is so unheard of that Crissy and Mister knew there was something very wrong and then she woke up after a 3 hour nap with a fever of 103 degrees.


And now she refuses to go back to the class because “dancing is too stupid!” and so Crissy will have to spend additional monies on a bribe to get Girlfriend to try the class again.

Either that or she will cram herself into that dance outfit and those tap shoes and take the class herself and she will tap circles around those kids!

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  1. That first picture is PRICELESS!!! Clearly you will need bribery to get her back there. She probably didn’t feel well, hence the meltdown. I have to admit thought, that I wouldn’t mind seeing video of you in that outfit tapping your little heart out.

  2. That first picture is amazing.

    My Mom had dreams of grandeur for my attempt of ballet as a child too. Unfortunately my teacher was a bitch and didn’t like that I just giggled throughout our whole first recital. I was only in it for the brand new backpack bribe anyway.

  3. “Either that or she will cram herself into that dance outfit and those tap shoes and take the class herself and she will tap circles around those kids!”

    I sense a video coming on. Go girl! QOFE. Can’t wait to see it!

  4. OMFG! That first Girlfriend picture is EPIC!

    If I were cooking up a 103 fever, I guess I would not feel much like doing the dancing, either.

    “Crissy is Queen of Fucking Everything (Except for Girlfriend).” Get used to this… and remember it when Girlfriend is a teenager, when she will remind you. Often. (However, you now have the epic photo to show any potential future boyfriends… hopefully she will remember that face and use it on teenage boys!)

  5. I’m sorry, but the first picture of Girlfriend is SO CUTE! She’s adorable! Hope she feels better soon and you won’t have to cram yourself into her outfit to attend dance class!

  6. As we all know, forcing children to do things is the only way to get them to LOVE THAT THING FOREVER. At least that’s my plan as soon as I get motivated to leave the house and allow Arch to interact with other children and some sort of planned class type of thing.

  7. I can’t help but notice the bottle in the background of your Fire Monster picture………..

    She’ll love dance class………she just feels like CRAP right now, and hates EVERYTHING……or at least I hate everything when I’m sick.

  8. You know some kids resent the stuff their parents force them to do and others come to appreciate it. Which is the case here I don’t know. But I am sure after a couple more classes she will start having fun with it.

    I am actually putting my kids through Ju Jitsu training and my little D.Q. is already complaining it is too hard. But I keep using one of my favorite dad lines.

    “It is supposed to be hard, it builds character.”

  9. First off, I LOVE that first girlfriend pic!

    Secondly, HA HA Girlfriend was THAT kid, the one that cried and disrupted the class.

    Well, better you then me.

    Hee hee hee hee

  10. some of my favorite memories growing up involved dance classes, seriously so much fun. i think it’s like a right of passage for the little nubbers.

    i’m going to go home and tap dance on my kitchen floor tonight. awesome.

  11. If it were not for episodes like this, how would kids ever get ponies? Get her the pony and she will be all over the dancing, with or without a fever.

    But I have to tell you: I would pay money to see you in that dance outfit, maybe with some sexier shoes. You could recoup your $99.50 investment from me alone. Think about it. It will help pay for the pony.

  12. That is awesome. Next time someone makes me do something I don’t want to – throwing my ass on the floor and crying until someone carries me out.


  13. My first memory of ballet class was me looooving it and then suddenly looking over at my Grandmother and Stepsister who were sitting in a corner laughing at the way I held my hands.

    This should explain a lot about my self esteem issues.

  14. Ah, yes, the dance classes. I too wasted time, effort, and MONEY into this stupid extra curricular activity for my little angel. It was all cute and everything until she too would cry until she peed her pants because “It’s too hard”. I made her wear that stupid tutu outfit for months afterwards because I was determined to get my money’s worth. At the grocery store: “Oh how cute. She likes her dress up clothes” Nope. I’m making her wear it until next Thanksgiving or until she outgrows it, whichever comes first. I paid $60 for that thing and I was going to make sure she wore it until all $60 was used.

  15. I love Girlfriend’s little outfit! If she doesn’t tap, YOU MUST TAP FOR HER! TAKE THE BLUE OUTFIT AND THE TINY TINY TAP SHOES AND DANCE!

    I wish my mom made me go back to dance class after I cried on my first day. Maybe she’ll like it better when she actually starts tapping.

    Although come to think of it–do you want her tapping around the house?

  16. I do believe that picture number one, and the one skipping around the room, plus the crying one are of ME, you just don’t know it. She’s going to be an alcoholic. I just know it.

  17. that first picture it GREAT!

    man, i used to love dances classes when i was little 🙂 if we got difficult in the classes, our teacher would bribe us with free candy at the snack shop.

  18. She really is Charlotte Light and Dark…but I digress.

    We also stopped the Queen of the Dance because apparently freestyle ballet was too progressive for the minions that thought laying around on the ground stretching and being graceful was cool.

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