On Saturday night Crissy and Mister took Girlfriend to Chuck E. Cheese for the first time and holy shit you guys. If Savers was crawling with Poor Monkey Breath People, Chuck E. Cheese was loaded with Mutants Who Smell Like Feet .
It was sooooo dirty and stinky that when Crissy picked up a salt shaker to salt her cardboardish pizza IT STUCK TO HER HAND!!!
But Girlfriend had a wonderful time because a three year old’s standards for cleanliness and politeness are far lower than Crissy’s. For example, Girlfriend thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to pick her nose and it’s even okay to pick a friend’s nose every now and again.
Crissy is just glad Girlfriend isn’t one of those handsy in the pantsy kids.
And Crissy didn’t have an entirely bad time because Mister let her use his camera (!) and she was excited to look around and see all of the blog fodderishness and she was able to take a few pictures of some of the Mutants Who Smell Like Feet so that it’s almost like we were all there experiencing it together.
This may provide an excellent means of birth control for those of you who are childless at the moment. Trust me if you have a child you will find yourself in Chuck E. Cheese at some point. You may thank me now for saving you from this fate.
So, without further ado, it’s Crissy’s Chuck E. Cheese Style Achievement Awards!!! or the Mutants Who Smell Like Feet Awards!!!
Best All Around Muffin Top
Most Creative use of Dollar Store Hair Color
Worlds Largest Tee Shirt and Shorts Combo
The First Pair of Farmer Jeans Worn by Anyone Over the Age of 3 that Crissy Has Seen Since the 90’s and Crissy is Shocked She’s Not Carrying a Teddy Bear Back Pack to Complete the Whole “I Have the Mentality of a Preschooler” Award.
The I’m Too Sexy For My Fucking Tee Shirt Award
Best Use of Most Inappropriate Hat worn to a Children’s Venue
Pretty In Pink with the Shoes to Match Award
The Where the Fuck is Your Mother? Award
And last but not least,
Best Ghetto Whip
Needless to say that when we got home we had to shampoo Girlfriend’s hair with Raid and scrub her body with boiling bleach water and Brillo pads and Crissy is certain that after the swelling and the burning and the redness goes away she’ll be totally fine.
Crissy is certain we will not be able to drive past Chuck E. Cheese without hearing a lot of whining from Girlfriend because she wants to go in and so Crissy is wondering if anyone knows where she can find a bio-hazard suit?
Savers didn’t have any in her size.