Crissy has had several experiences out in the public this past holiday weekend and so she has decided to take a few days this week to describe them to you Queefs because she hates the publicness and if she could be a total shut in she would do it except they don’t deliver vodka to the house and they don’t let her pay the neighbor’s kid to do it for her anymore and so she must leave the house sometimes.
So Crissy has decided to make this Crissy Interacts With the Public Week!
Crissy has also decided that she’s going to start talking about herself in the third person just like bossy does because she thinks bossy is so very clever to do that and also because she feels that her hilarious hijinks need a degree of separation from herself and so it will be more fun to say that Crissy did such and whatever and not Crissy.
Crissy will do this until she gets bored with it. Or at least until I do. Meaning Crissy, not me. But really me because I’m really Crissy. But I’m so not. She’s her and I’m me and we’re her and that’s that.
Crissy is already confused.
Aaaaanyhooters, yesterday Crissy attended an event called the Saver’s Labor Day Sale. If you don’t know what Savers is click here and get with the program. It is a glorious day for Crissy as Savers is her most favorite place to shop. It’s a treasure hunt. And on labor day all of that old used junk treasure is half price.
And so Crissy puts her game face on which looks a little something like this:
(do you not love her new necklace? She got it for $2 yesterday and the saleswoman had to take it out of the jewelry case and bring it to the register because apparently Crissy looks like the sort of lady who would steal a $2 green plastic necklace and then wear it to a party later in the afternoon) and she leaves the house very early and drives over to Savers to stand in line with the thrifty poor and she prepares to shop her ass off which is great fun and it would be funner if the other people weren’t scum.
But they are.
Crissy was forced to stand in line with people who smelled of poverty, stale cheap perfume, cigarettes, and morning monkey mouth except for the anorexic lady in the tee shirt that said “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” She smelled like air.
And the people were not speaking English for the most part and she thought that if another one of them brushed against her pristine lily white arm she might catch Foreign Person Disease and drop dead right there on the sidewalk having left her house before 8:00 am on her day off and never making it into the store to shop and possibly get into a knife fight.
But Crissy persevered.
She almost had to cut a bitch over a luscious purple corduroy Ralph Lauren blazer, but she didn’t because the lady turned out to be rather nice and they actually wound up trying the blazers on and swapping what didn’t fit and it’s too bad they made friends because Crissy was really excited about the possibility of making someone bleed.
Maybe next time.
And before you Queefs get all judgy about Crissy shopping alongside the poor, check out what she scored for a mere 60 monies:
2 Calvin Klein shirts for Mister
1 fleece vest for Mister
2 sweaters for Girlfriend
Jeans and a skirt for Girlfriend
2 long sleeve tee shirts for Girlfriend
2 skirts and a pair of pants
1 puzzle for Girlfriend
1 fabulous green plastic necklace
All brand name and in perfect condition. Some of the stuff even still had tags on it.
Obviously Crissy’s shopping trip was a complete success except for the smelly rude people and so she is seriously considering writing to the Savers Corporate Headquarters to request that they not make her shop with The Great Unwashed again.
Only clean people who smell nice should be allowed near The Queen.