28
Aug

Crissy is Really 11 Years Old!!!!! No Shit.

Crissy has been feeling like an old woman lately.

Well, actually, since birth Crissy has just been ty-id and old.

As a wee little Crissy I was always the first one to fall asleep at sleepover parties and the other sweet little cherubs tortured me. One time I woke up with cheetos crushed in my hair and a waste basket on my head and I also know from personal experience that sticking a sleeping person’s hand in warm water makes them pee in their Smurfette sleeping bag.

Do we understand why Crissy loves her vodka now?

The emotional scars run mighty deep people.

I’ve been to doctors like a millionty hundred times and had test after test until I thought my doctor was secretly a vampire and was just drinking the shit instead of testing it. As it turns out there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me. Everything is fine which lead her to assume that I must have a sleeping issue and so referred me to some sleep specialist dude who looked exactly like the husband in Sleeping with the Enemy. I shit you not.

Needless to say I did not go through with the sleep study. I prefer to self medicate with drugs and booze a healthy diet and regular exercise anyway so the doctor can just eat shit. Or drink my blood or come to my house and stalk me in my sleep or whatever.

But this is frustrating as hell because all I want, all I have ever wanted is to not feel like I’m 80.

I drag myself through my day and all I want to do at the end of it is read my book or stare at the tee-vee and do nothing. Except maybe all that stuff with a bag or doritos and a hot fudge sundae. And someone needs to feed it to me because I’m too tired to move.

And that leads us to the second thing Crissy wants today. Crissy wants all of her exercising and eating well and downing diet pills like Popeye downs the spinach taking care of herself to pay off by actually making her feel healthy.

But no.

I still feel 80.

So Mister suggested I take this handy little quiz, which I did and here is my report card:

bullshit_age.png

And so great news! I’m really 11.8 years old!

Actually I can believe that mentally I am 11 because all I want are tap shoes, a new bike, and more time during the day to play Barbies. And I really just want hot fudge sundaes for dinner every night.

Woot! Woot!

So how old are you people?

Click the linky http://www.peterrussell.com/Odds/VirtualAge.php and report back.

DO IT!

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posted by Crissy in Don't Look at Me. I'm Ugly in the Morning.,Octogenarians n' me and have Comments (47)
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