i probably couldnt be your house bitch because like alexa, im kind of spoiled myself. but, i wouldnt mind coming over to play with you and your little princess and hangout all day while watching the house bitch do the chores, work out for us, and make us yummy bevvies. if you are looking to fill THAT role, just let me know.

Love. Him.

And I am glad you’re back…even if you’re in bed by 8:57.

* If yes, what do you smoke, how much did you score, and is your supply reliable? Only the best and yes.

* How do you feel about Moo Shu Tofu? Answer loudly and use hand gestures as my vegan diet has left me too weak to hear. Fuck Tofu I only cook real food.

* How many drinks could Crissy’s Bitch mix if a Crissy’s Bitch could mix drinks? As many drinks as Crissy’s bitch can mix since Crissy’s bitch can mix drinks

* Do you carry bar tending equipment on you at all times? Have been known to.
* On mornings I’m too tired to do it myself, would you be willing to work out for me while I eat the pancakes you made for me from scratch and watch you from my couch? I promise to make helpful suggestions such as “lift your leg higher” and “could you move your ass over to the left for me dear, you’re blocking my view of that annoying yet strangely attractive Denise Austin.” Sure why not.

* Are you willing to undergo extensive medical testing for the sole purpose of obtaining pain pills or anti-anxiety medication for Crissy because her cunt doctor doesn’t believe that her menstrual cramps are severe enough to require liquid Percocet? Maybe

* How do you feel about spankings?

a. Thank you ma’am, may I have another?

I ain’t cheap but I can be had.

As Kiala’s loverly intern/bitch/bff, I thought I’d give you some tips on what to do to make your bitch feel appriceated even when you’re paying nothing.

1. ALWAYS yell their name in bed. IF you yell your own the first few times, that’s understandable - but after that throwing a “Oh Bitch Boy” or whatever would be nice.
2. When you spank, throw on a silky glove, or cover your hand in lotion.
3. Let them have the scraps of said pancake
4. Let them make their own mistakes: if they get yelled at by Mister and cry, let them know that it’s not their fault - they’re just inferior. That is THE most important lession an intern/bitch has to learn.

Love,
Meagan

When you do finally get a House Bitch, you need to take pictures and show us.

Unless you were wearing your penis.