I had something all ready for you for today.
It was a video.
I made it last night and worked really hard but then Mister edited out anything that was funny and made the most boringest video ever! And so this morning I watch the video and I’m all “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? Where’s all the funny I put in there, yo?”
And I want to kill him. But I won’t because he did do a nice job on the header. He worked really hard on it actually…but that’s no excuse!
But don’t. worry. Internettians. Crissy knows how to handle these situations. He’s been spanked very, very, soundly (No, there’s no video of it. Pigs.) and sent right back to the editing room. He will not be allowed food nor drink nor play through until he produces a video befitting The Queen of Fucking Everything.
It’s so hard to find good slaveish magiciany husbands help these days!
And so instead of a magnificent video, I bring you the following filler list of children’s book titles that make you go hmmmmm…and then start looking through your porn collection.
Shut up. I know you have one. You don’t have to pretend with Crissy.
Upchuck and the Rotten Willie
Frances Gets Slimed
Freak the Mighty
Tom’s Midnight Garden
Knocked Out by my Nunga Nungas
Harry the Dirty Dog
Little Miss Naughty
The Hardy Boys: Footprints Under the Window
Then He Ate My Boy Entrancers
The Magic Finger
Love is a Many Trousered Thing
What Jamie Saw
The Giver
Harold and the Purple Crayon
Freaky Friday
Not a Box
Wait Till Helen Comes
Tuck Everlasting
Among the Farmyard People
The Dutch Twins
Feel free to add to the list using the space provided below.
Crissy likes collaborative projects.
Just don’t fuck it up.
I’m in no mood…
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August 12th, 2008 at 7:06 AM
the giving tree.
okay maybe that one doesn’t work.
only kind of.
August 12th, 2008 at 7:25 AM
He really did rock out on your header. He is forgiven. Just this once. My teacher man has a kiddie book called, What Mommy Doesn’t Tell Me, and it literally has things like:
Why does Daddy work and Mommy doesn’t?
Illustration: A smoking, pregnant girl being tossed out of school by a hoard of angry nuns.
What do Mommy and Daddy do when I stay and Grandma’s?
Illustration: Naked cartoon parents jumping on a bed together.
I KID YOU NOT.
August 12th, 2008 at 7:55 AM
Where the Wild Things Are.
Duh!
August 12th, 2008 at 7:59 AM
Hmmm…the only children’s book I have on hand is Pierre the Zombie. Does that meet your standards?
August 12th, 2008 at 8:07 AM
LOOOVVVEEEE the header.
You are so naughty for thinking those things about CHILDREN’S classics!!
Naughty, naughty.
August 12th, 2008 at 8:18 AM
Maxie- No. That works! I’m bummed I didn’t think of it.
Ben- Go see Stoogepie’s children’s book. You’ll die–in a good way.
Nilsa- Oooooo good one! I can’t believe I forgot about that one! Duh! is right.
Dingo- Oh hells yeah! Pierre the Zombie is one of Girlfriend’s favorites.
Shelly- Yes. I am naughty. It’s true.
August 12th, 2008 at 8:22 AM
The header looks awesome!
As a librarian, you really are at an advantage here. When I first read this post, I thought I would have to make up some titles, like “Horton Hears a Ho!”
But then I looked over my voluminous children’s book collection — which I keep next to my jar of candy and the keys to my panel van — and there are plenty to choose from.
My Two Personal Favorites:
Too Big for Diapers
What Do You Do with a Tail Like This?
Honorable Mention:
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
A Couple of Boys Have the Best Week Ever
Cowgirl Kate and Cocoa
Chicka Chicka Boom Boom
Dirty Dog Boogie
Fancy Nancy and the Boy from Paris
Pinkalicious
My Big Boy Potty
Sign of the Beaver
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
That’s all I have.
August 12th, 2008 at 8:24 AM
Puff, the Magic Dragon
No wait. That alludes to something else.
Your header is awesome!
August 12th, 2008 at 8:50 AM
I’ve read The Giver and will use it with my Grade 8’s next year. They use the term “stirrings” for when people get the feelings down there.
This isn’t a children’s novel but rather a spiritual book for adults called “Come Thirsty.”
August 12th, 2008 at 8:56 AM
Stoogepie- Fancy Nancy and the boy from Paris! Ha, ha, ha!! Pinkalicious is really good too. There’s also Purplicious by the same author. And don’t forget Fancy Nancy Loves! Loves! Loves!
Marie- Ha, ha, ha! Yes it does.
Essentially- Oh yes! The stirrings! I actually really liked that book.
August 12th, 2008 at 9:09 AM
While You Were Sleeping
Wiggle Waggle
Sam, Bangs, & Moonshine
Amber Brown Sees Red
August 12th, 2008 at 9:13 AM
I don’t think anything can top “Everyone Poops”
It’s a fetish, don’t judge people…..
August 12th, 2008 at 9:45 AM
Any book by mercer meyer and those little golpher things are my favorite.
and terrible horrible no good very bad day.
and if you give a mouse a cookie…
ok thats all I know.
August 12th, 2008 at 9:47 AM
Something Wicked This Way Comes.
August 12th, 2008 at 10:21 AM
sure.
throw me under the bus.
that’s ok, i can take it.
here’s a couple of actual titles that sound funny:
the following titles don’t actually exist:
August 12th, 2008 at 10:43 AM
Well, I think Ken pretty much has Comment of the Day wrapped up.
I was going to say something about Helen can cum when I’m done, but nevermind.
August 12th, 2008 at 11:28 AM
All I’ve got is Open the Barn Door and The Going To Bed Book (wink wink).
August 13th, 2008 at 8:29 AM
There’s always ” Toes, Ears, & Nose! A Lift-the-Flap Book” That seems fitting for the list.
August 14th, 2008 at 12:15 AM
The fork and the light socket are friends.
They stole “daddy drinks because you cry” it’s mah fav.