Storyland was a blast y’all!
Look how excited we were to be there after driving for eleventy hundred thousand million hours!
And the kids were happy too!
It was a very nice time, really and we were all very, very glad we went. But your Crissy has a little secret to tell you Internettians:
I do not do roller coaster or any other amusement type rides where I’m might shit myself and die.
I am not a trooper.
Take the Turtle ride for example. It’s like one of those teacup rides that spin out of control whilst traveling at breakneck speed in a rotating wave-like motion?
Yeah.
Nooooooo.
Against my better judgment, I figured what the hell? After all, these things are meant for Preschoolers!
But not. for. Crissy.
Ahem.
Here are the neighbors enjoying themselves and being like all normal people on an amusement park ride:
Awww…so normal…
Here’s me having a pre-turtle anxiety attack:
And here’s me screaming my fucking head off:
And here is my preschooler:
Enjoying it!
Lucky for me, someone else made them stop the ride. Either that or they heard Crissy screaming and stopped it for fear someone had become entangled and was having their face ripped off in the machine. Whatever, but I took that as my queue to get the fuck off the spinning turtle of death and stand on the sidelines doing this instead:
It was good and only made me a little dizzy instead of a lot dizzy. Plus I was able to get video of my family and our friends not screaming.
And I did not shit myself, throw up, or die.
Amazing.
And for the remainder of our two day trip I stuck to rides I knew I could handle.
Like this:
And this:
And we saw Cinderella’s castle, aka Mine:
Where I finally caught her sitting in my chair and I just rolled up and whacked her upside her head and said “get out of my chair!” And Cinderella was all “roger that” and so she gathered up her skirts and moved and I didn’t have to shank the bitch.
And the peoples at Storyland said “All Hail! The Queen of Fucking Everything!” and they were very sweet to me.
And the children practically took care of each other the whole time so it was very relaxing.
We only had to lock them in the pumpkin thing for like a couple of hours and that was it.
What?
They loved it!
So yeah. That was my “vacation.”
PS: I want to send a shout out to stoogepie and Mom in Real Life for their fantastic guest posts! Thank you guys!
PSS: If you want to see more fascinating pictures go to my stupid husband’s photo blog.
Similar Posts:
- Is that Horse Shit or am I an Asshole?
- Bring Out Your Dead
- Crissy Answers Door in PJs-Wrangles Drunks for Kiala
- To the Smug Bitch Who Insulted Us Today
- A Chance To See Crissy With Her First Bra!
August 11th, 2008 at 5:54 AM
The picture of girlfriend on the turtle ride is the cutest!
Now, it is a little upsetting that she’s smiling that much despite her mother wailing as if being torn limb from limb, but hey, we all need to have a bit of a dark side, no?
August 11th, 2008 at 6:13 AM
I want a throne like that for my classroom. I want to train–I mean teach, all my little minions–I mean students, to bow in front of me–I mean learn their manners.
I tried to be Queen of Everything, but everyone just laughed at me. I think I’ll try my hand as Maleficent today…then they’ll learn!
Glad that you had a great va-cay! I’m off to have a meeting with Afflack (I think the duck is really coming!) today…
August 11th, 2008 at 6:21 AM
[...] so, as you may have heard over on my wife’s page, storyland is not for pussies. [...]
August 11th, 2008 at 6:30 AM
That castle is lopsided!! And I agree with Rachel … a throne for the classroom would be awesome!
August 11th, 2008 at 6:45 AM
I love the turtle ride! Well I mean rides like it… Just wait until girlfriend gets older and wants you to get on a real rollercoaster!
August 11th, 2008 at 8:08 AM
girlfriend is gorgeous in that ride picture!
and i agree with maxie, just wait till she wants to go to cedar point and ride the demon drop!
August 11th, 2008 at 8:09 AM
I don’t do the roller coasters either. First time (and last) I ever went on an upside down roller coaster was in Vegas at New York New York. For a friend who was leaving a project we were working on. Only she had to stay late and work. So, another co-worker and I went without her. I screamed my head off. And that was before the cars started moving. Yeah, I’m cool like that.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:22 AM
Um, is it bad that even at 24 that amusement park looks like A BUNCH OF FUN?
I want to ride in the pumpkin.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:55 AM
Love the pics. You looked right at home there!
August 11th, 2008 at 9:39 AM
OMG I freak out on those crazy roller coaster rides! I throw up, shit myself and then just want to die.
Awesome pics!!! Queen of fucking everything got her throne back!
August 11th, 2008 at 9:41 AM
If I ever have kids, I’m going to buy one of those pumpkin things and put them in there when they’re bad. Or maybe just when they’re awake.
Thanks for the tip!
August 11th, 2008 at 9:43 AM
QOFE, you need to talk to your contractor. That castle is lopsided! But your wheels a/k/a your pumpkin, is rockin’!
August 11th, 2008 at 10:00 AM
The QOFE deserves a level throne and that pumpkin should be totally pimped. Dropped low with spinners, some neon and a wet bar & hot tub would make it a royal ride fit for a Queen.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:14 AM
I’m confused! Why are you wearing two different (albeit very cute) outfits??
Were you there for more than one day? Is that it?
It’s morning. I’m still on my first cup of tea.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:29 AM
This post brought back flashbacks of my many, many days spent in a pumpkin when I was a child. Good times.
What was Cinderella doing in your throne, because it has an awful lot of wear-and-tear around the seat area? Still, you look fabulous in it.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:11 AM
The best I can do at those rides is offer to hold everyone’s coats and purses and take the pictures. Even then I’m scared.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:20 AM
You brought the pumpkin thing home right? For future use.
August 11th, 2008 at 11:26 AM
That blond in the first pic, the short one second from left, isn’t that the same hair from the top of the blog pic? Is that a wig you pass around?
August 11th, 2008 at 12:33 PM
I love the picture of girlfriend in the turtle! Kids are so cute when you don’t own them.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:53 PM
It must have been a bitch fitting that throne into the car….
August 11th, 2008 at 2:32 PM
I’m glad that you didn’t die/shit yourself/throw up. That is awesome. I would have sat out the roller coasters with you. I do not do death rides.
Also, GF is totes adorable–I’m a little jealous of her still-manageable curls.
August 11th, 2008 at 3:25 PM
Teacups/Turtle Ride, my ass. It should be called the “Whip you into anyone else in the seat and then snap your neck until you throw up” ride. Glad you survived.
August 11th, 2008 at 3:29 PM
You look so at home on your throne. When are you going to have one at the head of your own dining table? You really need to get on that.
August 11th, 2008 at 3:47 PM
I think we should take up a collection to send Crissy on a trip on a roller coaster while her husband films it.
Right now I am thanking God that Crissy does not know where my house is.
August 11th, 2008 at 4:07 PM
I would never get into that pumpkin. That thing looks like it would eat you.
August 11th, 2008 at 5:13 PM
I would totally wear a princess dress there and pretend to be working. Maybe I could pass for Cinderella? That way I get to sit in a royal chair eating bonbons…
August 12th, 2008 at 4:00 PM
ha, what wonderful shots! i love the one where you hopped into the queen’s chair. that seat fits you well
August 12th, 2008 at 6:45 PM
hahaha- im not laughing at you on the ride- im sorry for that. but look at you, all queeny and sassy in that throne. i love it.