Storyland was a blast y’all!
Look how excited we were to be there after driving for eleventy hundred thousand million hours!
And the kids were happy too!
It was a very nice time, really and we were all very, very glad we went. But your Crissy has a little secret to tell you Internettians:
I do not do roller coaster or any other amusement type rides where I’m might shit myself and die.
I am not a trooper.
Take the Turtle ride for example. It’s like one of those teacup rides that spin out of control whilst traveling at breakneck speed in a rotating wave-like motion?
Against my better judgment, I figured what the hell? After all, these things are meant for Preschoolers!
But not. for. Crissy.
Here are the neighbors enjoying themselves and being like all normal people on an amusement park ride:
Here’s me having a pre-turtle anxiety attack:
And here’s me screaming my fucking head off:
And here is my preschooler:
Lucky for me, someone else made them stop the ride. Either that or they heard Crissy screaming and stopped it for fear someone had become entangled and was having their face ripped off in the machine. Whatever, but I took that as my queue to get the fuck off the spinning turtle of death and stand on the sidelines doing this instead:
It was good and only made me a little dizzy instead of a lot dizzy. Plus I was able to get video of my family and our friends not screaming.
And I did not shit myself, throw up, or die.
And for the remainder of our two day trip I stuck to rides I knew I could handle.
And we saw Cinderella’s castle, aka Mine:
Where I finally caught her sitting in my chair and I just rolled up and whacked her upside her head and said “get out of my chair!” And Cinderella was all “roger that” and so she gathered up her skirts and moved and I didn’t have to shank the bitch.
And the peoples at Storyland said “All Hail! The Queen of Fucking Everything!” and they were very sweet to me.
And the children practically took care of each other the whole time so it was very relaxing.
We only had to lock them in the pumpkin thing for like a couple of hours and that was it.
They loved it!
So yeah. That was my “vacation.”
PSS: If you want to see more fascinating pictures go to my stupid husband’s photo blog.
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