Smells Like Evil Spirit

So that whole bird fiasco from last week happened like an hour before we had a couple of friends come over for a dinner party. I was all scared the smell would travel through the house and concentrate itself in the dining room.

Wouldn’t that be a nice way to impress some folks?

“My Crissy, the wine does go well with the chicken. Is that a hint of evil I smell?”

“Why yes it is! Satan wiped his ass on our house!”

But luckily it disappeared rather quickly with a can of Raid and a butt load of bleach. So our house smelled like an exterminator’s swimming pool instead.

Great.

But better than death and assholes, right?

So I thought about cancelling our dinner party for all of like 2.5 seconds, how much longer are we going to grieve for the little guys–we have to move on at some point, and decided to go ahead with the plan.

Everyone had lots of fun, and I’d show you pictures but really if you get all excited when I show up looking SEXY! one day then I know you cannot handle it.

It was that kind of a party.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

No it wasn’t.

You still can’t handle it though.

Anyway, I sort of love to have dinner parties. We do this really fun thing we call Pot of Crap&#153 with our neighbors. Michele makes some crap (only last night she weaseled out and ordered a pizza. Hi Michele!), I make some crap, and I bring it over to their house and we all eat some crap together.

It’s fun and we dirty her dishes and not mine.

I mean it’s win/win, really.

I use a lot of Weight Watchers recipes. They’re all very, very, good but for some reason they sometimes make Mister throw up in his mouth a little bit.

Last night I made this:

It’s Moo Shu Tofu.

But when I told Mister about it he was less than happy. I think he said something like “What the fuck is Moo Shu Tofu? Oh come on! Do I have to eat it too? What’s Michele making?”

It’s vegan, it’s Weight Watchers, it looks like a plate of vomit next to Michele’s pizza, but what’s not to love?

I don’t get it.

Boys are fussy.

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29 comments

  1. it’s not a matter of being fussy. i’m not a very fussy eater. i just remember eating tofu as a kid and not liking it one bit. things are better now, mainly because i have learned my condiments and am better equipped to make it taste like something remotely appetizing.

    the pizza was really good though.

  2. You have no idea the extent to which I have to disguise tofu in order to get the mancandy to even consider eating it. I have to cover it in McChicken Sauce, serve it in a fast food bag and make sure it has a valid passport for international travel proving it’s, in fact, chicken.

  3. I’m with Mister on this one. I’d definitely take the pizza over anything with Tofu in it…. after all, is what comes out of Satan’s ass…

  4. I think the tofu thing looks pretty good, but I’m into that kind of stuff. I’m not sure I could pass up the pizza either though. maybe I just love all food.

  5. She’s right. And if she did serve me vegan tofu I’d probably black out and half of New York would be dead before I came out of it.

  6. Neth- I’m going to try and replicate the pizza. AND THE MOO SHU WAS FABULOUS TOO!

    Rach- mmmm…moo shu!

    Ben- I don’t try to hide it. I’m just not that creative.

    Leah- Babies love tofu!

    Saratogajean- Finally! Someone who doesn’t puke if they have to eat tofu. It’s really good!

    Maxie- See? You’d have a little of both, wouldn’t you? That’s the spirit behind pot of crap. It’s all about sharing.

    Rachel M.- I know. It’s offensive.

    Stealthnerd- Keep trying. Eventually, you’ll break him.

    Goose- Wait! You’re? OH! Hi Boyfriend!

    Ari- Oh! That’s got to be it!

    JoeInVegas- Yes! Everyone had a little. Except me. I had a lot. I thought it was good.

  7. Funny…when I read Moo Shu Tofu, inside my head I was thinking “What the fuck is Moo Shu Tofu”

    but I do like Bens idea about the BBQ sauce. That might help make it delicious.

    or not.

  8. tofu is tasteless by itself – you can make it taste like pizza if you really wanted to…

    hmmm tofu that tastes like pizza?

  9. I would have eaten it.

    And Ken, that sounds like the best band name ever. Can I be a male groupie? I could help lift stuff, like amps and beer.

  10. Last night Dane ate a box of Kraft mac n cheese rather than order from Pho Van where they have delicious vietnamese food.

    He would prefer eat something they sell at RITE AID over eating something which might have been prepared near other vegetables.

    I am at my wit’s end. WIT’S END.

  11. It’s not bad enough that you served tofu but to make it look all pretty, well, that’s just wrong. You might as well save money on groceries and serve Alice’s turds for dessert. But a dollop of Cool Whip on it and BAM!

  12. It seems like you have things so straight. The exterminator’s swimming pool smells better than Satan’s asshole. Alright. And a Pot of Crap™ party seems awesome. So far so good.

    Then, BAM! Moo Shu Tofu! All of a sudden, you’re cat-lady-screaming-at-passing-cars-in-her-fuzzy-slippers out of your goddamn mind.

    I had the same reaction Ken did, even just reading about it. The word “tofu” just messes up the name of any dish. Tofu is like the punchline at the end of joke someone calls food. Except it’s never funny.

    If you had called it “Moo Shu Smegma” instead, everyone would have wanted some. I would have come back for seconds.

  13. Tofu is the devil’s work. People tell me it’s supposed to fill me up and it never does. I swear, health food is turning me into a Republican. MCCAIN AND RED MEAT FOREVER!

    I take that back.

  14. If I lived in your neighborhood, I’d be over at your house for dinner all the time. I *should* be eating Weight Watchers 24/7. Instead, I make frozen pizzas. Because they’re easy. And I don’t have to think. And I wonder why I’m not shedding the pounds. Hmmmm.

  15. “All of a sudden, you’re cat-lady-screaming-at-passing-cars-in-her-fuzzy-slippers out of your goddamn mind.” is my favorite new insult.

    Actually–everyone is so funny today! My 4 year old wants to know what I’m laughing at…but moo shoo smegma seems a little inappropriate to explain.

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