Once upon a time there was a Mommy Bird and a Daddy Bird who thought it would be lovely to lay thier eggs in the air conditioner vent outside Girlfriend’s room at Crissy’s house.
At first, the Crissys were delighted with their new neighbors, even though they were a little noisy and woke girlfriend up in the morning with all their incessant tweeting. “It’s just like in Snow White!” said Crissy as the birds flew from her shoulder to fashion a beautiful princess dress for her out of sticks and things they found in the yard.
And then one day Daddy Bird went out to find some juicy food for Mommy Bird and her two Baby Birds when a terrible, terrible rain storm came and SPLAT! either that or THUD! We don’t know, no one heard him fall, we just know he died because this is what Crissy found on the ground.
Well, actually, Alice found it first, but whatever.
RIP Daddy Bird.
Mommy Bird, having no idea of the fate that had befallen Daddy Bird, told the Baby Birds what a no good rotten dirty bird Daddy Bird is and said he’s probably out drinking at the Fancy Feathers strip club with his stupid friends, these guys,
and probably wouldn’t be coming home until he was good and hammered and all out of bird seed monies.
When she heard on Twitter that there was another terrible storm coming, she had no choice but to leave the nest to go pick up a bottle of wine from Tweet and Swallow’s Package Store and a DVD from Nestflix. But she left too late and the storm hit and SPLAT (or THUD) she went on the front walk of Crissy’s house.
And then on Friday, Crissy walked into Girlfriend’s room to find that it smelled like Satan’s Asshole. At first, Crissy thought it was most likely the Dark Lord finally coming to claim her as his bride, but then she remembered that if Mommy Bird and Daddy Bird were both gone, there was no one left to feed and care for Baby Birds. Upon investigation, Crissy found that indeed one baby had met an unfortnate end as well and was dangling thusly from Girlfriend’s window:
The poor creature’s leg was caught.
And when Mister removed the air conditioner to reveal what was left of the nest he found that the other baby, tragically, was also deceased.
The gruesome mess is gone now and the Crissys are trying to recover from the loss of their dear little friends.
And Crissy is just mad because the birds never did finish the twigs and stuff princess dress they were making for her.