I Have A Hangover and I’m Mad About My Trash Can

So????

Huh?

HUH???

You love it, right?

The picture could be better, but it was all we had time for last night because we were so busy drinking our asses off.

That’s real wine in that there glass.

We’ll do a new one.

Thanks for all the input yesterday.

Maybe I’m extra sensitive because of all the anxiety and depression I mentioned in my post, but I have to admit that some of you hurt my feelings a little bit. I was surprised at what Prudence McPrudes some of you can be.

I hope you guys realize I was not intending to keep it like that.

Right?

I thought I made that clear, but I guess not.

I’m a whore in real life but I don’t play one on my blog. Much.

Annnnyhooters,

I’ve got a mad on this morning because some douchewad stole our trash can on trash day yesterday. We bought 2 really nice ones (trash cans are expensive!) because we want our house to look prettyful even when there’s a heap of rotting, stinking garbage out in front of it and some fucktard, some thieving ass monkey, some dumb bunny, some loser, some fucktard, oh wait I already used that one, some buttmuch, some mother fucking cock knocker stole it!

I bet it’s that Born Again Christian guy across the street. They’re always trouble.

Next time the Jehovah boys come over I’m going to send them over to his place.

I think it would be great fun to watch the Jesus Freak and the Jehovah Freak throw down.

And you know what else is making me mad? Those asshat trash collectors abused our shiny new recycling bins and now they look like shit because they empty them and just fling them into the street or the driveway.

They don’t even care!

Do you think if I put a sign, “please be gentle with these bins,” that they would start placing them onto the ground like they’re tiny baby puppies instead of throwing them around like last night’s hooker?

Do you think so?

And to make matters even more infuriating, they won’t take the smashed bins. They’re recyclable, right, so I put the old smashy ones into the new shiny ones and they pick them up and separate them and throw all of them on the ground without taking the ones that I’m trying to throw away!

I guess I need a sign for that too!

I mean these people are just stoopid!

I think I shall write a strongly worded letter to Mr. Bill Trashfaceington, Schmuckytown’s Public Works Douche-in-Charge, and tell him about my concerns regarding his employee’s blatant disregard for the welfare of our recycling bins.

I bet that will get some results!

The Queen of Fucking Everything likes to Do Things and Make Things Happen.

Just as soon as this hangover goes away…

Oooof.

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33 comments

  1. Love it. LOOOVVVVEEE IT. I was worried cause some folks were hard on you yesterday. I even said it was a little not you, so I hope your QOFE feelings didn’t get stomped on.

    Our trash people are stupid too. We can’t buy pretty trash cans, we have to use their ugly roll carts. We’ve been told how and where to leave them on trash day (On the street with the handle facing out). We are probably the trashiest people on the street……I don’t understand how 4 people produce so much TRASH. It’s crazy, really.

    The trash guys make a ton of money too……it seems like they could be a little nicer and more considerate, don’t you think?

  2. W. O. W.

    What a difference! I know that the QOFE is also the Queen of Darksex, but this is a much improved look–we whores really need to keep our lusciousness to ourselves!

    And seriously, I have a headache from the 2 drinks I had last night…2 drinks?! What kind of lush am I evolving into? Well, in my defense, maybe the 2 drinks were a LITTLE big…

    ps–cock knocker makes me smile almost as much as douche in charge…I would laugh, but then my head would hurt.

  3. Shelly- My feelings were a little hurt yesterday actually. You totally understood what I was saying though so thanks for that. We generate a lot of trash too and I don’t get it because I try to reuse whatever I can and my husband like to keep EVERYTHING. I think it breeds.

    Rach- owee. my head. i’d use capital letters but the shouting hurts me.

  4. i like this one! you look so pretty and your hair! i love it.

    dont let doucheboxes who say mean things get you down.

    (yes i said douchebox, and yes this is coming from the girl who got a nasty haterater comment the other day that brought me to freak out mode.)

  5. I heart the layout. As for your trashcans, maybe just smear gunk all over them so the trash guys get grossed out and start WWIII.

    Wait. Maybe trash guys don’t get grossed out. I’ve got nothing.

  6. this design is well sassed out indeed! I love it even with the current pic.

    remind me to tell you about the time collectors refused to take my garbage, sticking a REJECTED sticker on the top.

    garbage has feelings too!!

    ok I guess that’s the whole story really

  7. This is SO you! Perfect! Befitting a queen! Trash men suck, that’s kind of why they’re trash men. I guess.

  8. Leah- Thanks! We still have some tweaking to do, but I love it!

    brookem- Why would a douchebox ever come and bother you? You’re lovely.

    Maxie- No I don’t think they do get grossed out. They’re untouchable. Pretty much.

    Ben- WHAT? Your trash wasn’t good enough?

    Lynne- That’s exactly it.

  9. I’m sad about your trash cans and recycling bins, but I am happy about your new layout! I’m more happy than sad, because trash is trash but that picture is AWESOME. +1 for the day so far.

  10. I.LOVE.THIS.DESIGN!!!

    I stole your trash cans. I’ll give them back if you promise to stop makin’ changes. Don’t go changin’ to try to please me, babe! I love you just the way you are!

  11. OMG I L-O-V-E it!!! This is AWESOME. Beeeauuutiful!

    I’d like to see a taped smack down of Born Again Christian dude and Jehovah dude. No, but really. I would.

  12. Oh, I love this one. And I think the picture is great too.

    I don’t understand why people steal trash cans. Although around here they just steal the lids. Which is extra annoying.

  13. Awesome template. Love the blue. What is digg proof?

    Also, I fear our trashcans getting stolen, but we are issued trashcans by the man so everyone in Portland has the same ones, why steal? We are nothing if not homogeneous here in Portland.

  14. Love the new look, very ‘My Little Pony’ meets 70’s porn minus the bushy bush (unless Mister in into that sort of thing).

  15. ML: it just means that if crissy gets “dugg” and suddenly 1,000s of hits on the site start pouring in, with a few config changes to the cache the site will probably not get crushed and will stay up and running.

    technically what it does is convert frequently accessed pages (like the main http://crissyspage.com) from dynamic PHP script to static HTML, then caches it in memory, which is tremendously more efficient. however, the ability to track stats, update the site, see new comments, etc. disappears, which is why you don’t want to enable it all the time.

    now if crissy could get off her ass and do something digg-worthy i’d actually be able to test it. 😉

  16. I think about the trash can situation a lot, actually. With our new enormous city issued rolling bins, so many houses don’t have anywhere to put them, and they really do look terrible. I think I’ll have to build some good looking fenced in area just for them so they’re not always out there hanging out ruining everything. It makes me feel poor to look at them.

    I’m sorry for the hurt feelings yesterday. I think the internet forgets that people have feelings.

  17. It’s like I said on Twitter, I come for your words, not for your layout. You could be beating babies on here and I would still return because I LOVE what you have to say. Anyone that stops reading because of a stupid picture doesn’t really GET you.

    Besides you are beautiful, you should be allowed to have a sexy picture on YOUR blog and not be labeled.

    Hmmmmm…I got a little serious there…

    *belch*

    that’s better

    P.S. I like this layout TOO

  18. Like the new look much better than the last. Think it fits your content well. Couple suggestions- make the image at the top link back to the home page, especially once you’re in a post. I know there is a small home link near the top, but most sites with logos have the logo take you home. The other this is the right hand column, can you make it float? So that the various options are there wherever you are in the page?

    I hope you see your trash cans again soon. My bike was stolen last weekend so I know how that feels.

  19. I love the new site.

    Also, Ari and I have had this same conversation about someone stealing our trashcan, only it was mainly me being like, “Oh hell no!” and her being like, “They didn’t take it on purpose, stop being an idiot.”

  20. Holy shit! I love your new site! I love the picture above, too!

    Here in NYC, people paint their addresses onto their trashcans. But it doesn’t stop people from stealing them. It just means a lot of people have wholly painted trashcans to cover up the addresses that used to be on the trashcan. Some of them are very creatively painted. It’s very nice.

    I suggest you paint your trashcans with satanic symbols and curses. That way, the garbagemen will respect them, the fuckhead BAC across the street won’t want them, and it might even keep the Jehovahs away.

    Also, I’m sorry I was such a douchebag yesterday. And I’m sorry that I am still such an unrelenting douchebag today. My douchebagginess simply will not be supressed. So I apologize, in my own douchebaggy insincere sort of way.

    Also, I miss the twins from yesterday. Maybe you can start that pay site Ken was talking about soon. As your hobby, you know?

  21. You guys are soooo awesome. I love you, love you, love you.

    I’m going to try to come back and read all your wonderful blogs tonight. We’re having a party and I’m prepping for it alone with Girlfriend being oh, so very helpful…

    Love you guys!

  22. Great pic, great idea. I wish I was so creative. I just started reading your blog and it rocks!

    Our back-woods trash picker uppers usually respond to the monetary kind of persuasion. You’d be surprised what a $20 would do taped to your trash lid addressed to “Trash Dudes” with a note saying “have a couple on us” does. All the sudden your trash containers get turned upside down (incase of rain) and placed nicely in front of your humble abode.

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