I know you guys were all awake last night pacing the floors and popping xanax and worrying about the outcome of the big day so I won’t keep you waiting any longer.
And the winning scenario is….
Scenario A!!!!
Ya- ta-da-da!
Miracles happen people and I’m here to testify!
She didn’t cry when I left, she wasn’t sassy or fresh with the teachers, she didn’t shank a bitch, and she didn’t kick or punch anyone. Not even once! And neither did I!
I guess a half bottle of Klonopin really is enough to sooth a savage preschooler.
Silly me. I didn’t think it would be enough.
And I didn’t even have one single sip of that martini I brought with me.
The teacher said she was very good and had fun. I know this mostly because I asked her several times out of disbelief and she had the same answer every time.
Impressive.
And when I got there to pick her up she just looked at me and said “hi mommy!” and kept on playing. She didn’t want to leave and thank jeebus I had a surprise waiting for her in the car or she never would have come with me.
It was this book that I bought for her:
If you haven’t read it yet you should, really. It’s one of her favorites.
So yeah.
My daughter is the Princess of Fucking Everything.
This post is short today and I’d say sorry but you’re probably all totally psyched that you don’t have this whole long bladidy-blah and la, la, la post to read.
You’re welcome.
Oh! Wait! I won a t-shirt from Dingo:
For this caption:
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Everything’s going my way, Internet!
It scares me.
July 22nd, 2008 at 6:34 am
Hooray!
July 22nd, 2008 at 6:37 am
Hoorah for both you and Girlfriend.
I think I love that shirt. And that caption. I imagine it being said in a newsreader voice and I actually laugh out loud.
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:31 am
Awwwwwwww, GF is such a sweetie! Save the stressing for when she’s 16. And I think you should have won a million dollars for that caption - hysterical!
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:58 am
But now that you got our hopes up, did. some kid show up wearing flippers or other inappropriate school attire?
Lynne - she had the option between a million dollars and the t-shirt. She chose the t-shirt.
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:19 am
Oh, good! And who the fuck is Mick Jagger????
No, I know. Send some of that good energy to the West Coast, doll!
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:20 am
Rach- Cheers! clinky clinky!
Kirby- That’s exactly how I imagined it too.
Lynne- The winner’s caption was funnier, I’m just happy to be nominated.
Melissa- I’m doing it. Can you feel the good energy yet?
Dingo- Nope. None of the kids were inappropriate as far as I can tell. Sorry. There was one kid who looked a little downsy though if that makes you feel any better.
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:20 am
It’s possible that I have that same “tongue out” picture from most if not all of my first days….
I’m glad GF didn’t shank anyone. Though I would have enjoyed seeing the Barbie diorama of that.
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:22 am
Stealthnerd- Oh man! A Barbie diorama of a preschool shanking would have been the best! I might just do it anyway…
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:48 am
OMG! Girlfriend is just so adorable!!! I know I’ve probably said that five thousand times already, but she is.
Wohoo! You won and no problems with GF at school. All is right with the universe again.
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:51 am
You and the teacher think you have it all figured out, don’t you? But today you will start to find the bodies….
What a coincidence! I am almost finished with a comic called, “Once I Ate a Stoogepie.” Girlfriend will get quite a kick out of it after reading the children’s version.
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:25 am
Good Job Girlfriend!!!!!!
Sounds like she earned herself that McDonalds!
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:49 am
uh-oh, does that mean that your little darling is now gone?
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:49 am
Hooray Girlfriend for doing a stupendous job! =)
I’ll still keep my fingers crossed that it’s not a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence, and that each day gets progressively easier!
P.S. Thanks for the valuable parenting tip on the Happy Meal. I’ll be keeping that trick in my pocket for sure.
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:04 am
Girlfriend is just adorable! I love her little outfit and Hello Kitty purse! Snazzy one, she is.
Next time if she doesn’t want to go, you could always add a little martini-mix in her sippy cup at breakfast. Whynot.
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:06 am
I thought you had a puppy waiting in the car.
But a book is almost as good.
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:06 am
I’m so glad it went well!
And that caption totally reminds me of “it was a drive by fruiting” from Mrs. Doubtfire. Best. Movie. Ever.
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:27 am
Marie- The universe and I are at peace…for now.
stoogepie- Do you think she hid the bodies in the sand box? That seems like the most logical place.
Matt- She so did!
JoeInVegas- Yes it does. Hold me, I’m sad.
Leah- Happy meal or cookies always work.
brookem- Martinis were NOT on the list of forbidden foods, so I think they’re allowed there.
Megan- You would love that book. It’s a book of dog poems. It’s adorable.
Maxie- High five! That’s exactly where I got it from!
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:35 am
Getting fresh with teachers sounds pretty fun to me.
I know.
You expected me to say something like that.
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:55 am
You will pay for this day on the day a boy asks her out for the first time. She’s just building it all up.
Kids are conniving like this.
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:57 am
I still would have dranken the martini…
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Girlfriend’s probably a slow burn. She’s manipulating and creating alliances and soon, someone will be voted off.
It could even be you.
I blame reality tv.
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Your success has inspired me to drink.
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Girlfriend’s so cute - of course she was a perfect angel. I’m tired though from pacing and waiting to hear the outcome so I’m going to go take a nap.
July 22nd, 2008 at 1:34 pm
once i ate a hair pie. it was so delectable i married it!
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:07 pm
yessssssssssssssssssss! woohoo! and i just spit out my water reading your pimps comment above.