I know you guys were all awake last night pacing the floors and popping xanax and worrying about the outcome of the big day so I won’t keep you waiting any longer.
And the winning scenario is….
Miracles happen people and I’m here to testify!
She didn’t cry when I left, she wasn’t sassy or fresh with the teachers, she didn’t shank a bitch, and she didn’t kick or punch anyone. Not even once! And neither did I!
I guess a half bottle of Klonopin really is enough to sooth a savage preschooler.
Silly me. I didn’t think it would be enough.
And I didn’t even have one single sip of that martini I brought with me.
The teacher said she was very good and had fun. I know this mostly because I asked her several times out of disbelief and she had the same answer every time.
And when I got there to pick her up she just looked at me and said “hi mommy!” and kept on playing. She didn’t want to leave and thank jeebus I had a surprise waiting for her in the car or she never would have come with me.
It was this book that I bought for her:
If you haven’t read it yet you should, really. It’s one of her favorites.
My daughter is the Princess of Fucking Everything.
This post is short today and I’d say sorry but you’re probably all totally psyched that you don’t have this whole long bladidy-blah and la, la, la post to read.
Oh! Wait! I won a t-shirt from Dingo:
For this caption:
Everything’s going my way, Internet!
It scares me.
- I win! I win! I win!
- Does Ernie Have a Penis?
- Everything I Need to Know About Motherood I Learned from Animal House
- my wife is…
- Is there a guy playing guitar in the closet or is Crissy an asshole?