So today’s the big day!
I have to drop Girlfriend off at school for the first time.
I tried all weekend to convince her that this shit is bananas and it’s gonna blow her mind it’s so fun, but she remains unconvinced saying “I’m gonna throw the teachers in the trash can! I don’t wanna go to school!”
As you can imagine, my anxiety is through the roof.
It’s 6:30 am and I haven’t yet brought her over to the school so I can’t tell you how it worked out even though by the time most of you are reading this the deed will have been done.
But for Rachel and Lynne and a few others who read in the morning, here are couple of scenarios that I imagine are possible.
She takes one look at the place, tells me to get lost, and behaves like a total angel to everyone. This is about as likely as me being able to remember that I’ve left the keys in the door after I’ve unlocked it, but a girl can have dreams can’t she? Sure she can, Internet…Sure she can.
She cries and screams and begs me to stay thereby breaking my heart into a gazillion little pieces and sending me to work in tears. It’s the one most likely to happen but apparently it’s normal and in fact, when I called the school to get some tips on how to make this an easier transition for her, the very nice woman on the phone said to me “on the first day of school there’s a lot of kicking and screaming. And the kids are upset too.”
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!
So perhaps I won’t be the only mommy who’s carrying a martini, straight up and dirty, in her insulated travel mug feeling a little apprehensive today.
We get there, she sees the kids and takes off to play. I leave, and as soon as a teacher tries to interact with her, she swears at her and gnashes her terrible teeth and shows her terrible claws. Girlfriend does not like strangers and everyone knows there’s no scarier beast alive than the preschool teacher. You cannot trust anyone who smells of minty craft paste and Fig Newtons.
Either that or she’ll punk off one of the other kids.
I tried to sweeten the deal by telling her that she can go to McDonald’s for a Happy Meal afterward. So far that’s the only thing about today that she wants any part of at all.
Valuable Crissy parenting tip: Keep McDonald’s in your back pocket as a very, very special treat and only take it out when the circumstances are dire and you need a really, really, good bribe.
So yeah. I guess I’m leaving you with a cliffhanger.
Come back tomorrow to find out what happened at Preschool Summer Camp today.
Dun, dun, daaaaaa….
Ps: I’m over at Oh! How Lovely! telling a funny story about my old dog Tashi. Come see!
PSS: I almost won Dingo’s caption contest! I might be the winner of either a t-shirt or a Cd! Woot! Woot!
- Ask Girlfriend
- Oh Jesus no. Anything but a birthday party.
- Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Crissy.
- Drumroll please…
- MOTHERFUCKER! There. That’s better.