Makes 2 dozen delightful moist and chewy cookies.
1/2 cup raspberry preserves
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup canola oil
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp almond extract
1/2 cup plus 2 tbsp unsweetened coco powder
1 1/2 cup all purpose flour
3/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
Preheat over to 350. Lightly spray cookie sheet with pam.
Stir together raspberry shit, sugar, oil, vanilla, & almond extract.
In a separate bowl, sift together the dry ingredients and dump into the wet stuff. Do it in stages. Dump, stir, dump, stir, dump, stir, just like that. See? And then stir until combined and then roll the dough into walnut-sized balls and then flatten them with your palms. I hope you washed your hands before you started this project. Place on the cookie sheet and bake those fuckers for like 10 minutes. They don’t spread out when they’re baked so don’t panic. When you take them out, let them cool for 5 minutes before you transfer them to a rack to cool the rest of the way. I cannot recommend using a dish towel as a pot holder like I did because I burned my finger a little bit. So don’t be a lazy douchewad. Use the potholder. That’s why God made them.
And you’re done!
Eat them.
YUMMY!
And for the love of all that is decent and holy in this world, do not put whipped cream on them or else the vegan mafia will come and beat your ass with whips made of hemp.
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July 12th, 2008 at 9:13 AM
“Bake those fuckers for 10 minutes”
You know that there is lost episode of Julia Child’s where she says the same thing….and when exactly do I add the rum??
July 12th, 2008 at 10:12 AM
Why can’t you just make some and send them to me? I don’t have butterfly wings, I don’t have festive plates with stickers. I have nothing! NOTHING! And you won’t even make me some fucking cookies. Damn, girl.
July 12th, 2008 at 11:58 AM
Thanks Crissy, I didn’t want to ask you to type it all out, but I really, really, really wanted it. You’re the best, girl.
Rachel - you don’t add rum to the recipe, you DU
NK them in rum before you eat them!!! Vodka works too! Or really good champagne!! Then you get drunk and throw tennis balls at cars…or maybe that’s just me!
July 12th, 2008 at 5:29 PM
I know I posted earlier but I am having a lame kind of day - not that I wanted to waste this awesome weather I am having here in MA but my son who never naps actually had to today - so I have been reading your blog (older post)and I am laughing my ass off, thanks.
July 12th, 2008 at 5:56 PM
You’re the best! (But you knew that.) Those looked really yummy when you made them. Thanks for the recipe!
July 12th, 2008 at 7:32 PM
SOunds soooo good. Send some my way, please, because I will burn down my house if I tried!
July 12th, 2008 at 10:36 PM
Lisa- how about I just find some cookie dough and a bottle of Baileys? Then I won’t remember when I drive my kid’s power wheel to the video store for midget porn.
wait, what? Who said that?
July 12th, 2008 at 11:58 PM
Rachel…I think I need to party with you!!! On second thought, we need Crissy to join in…we’d have a blast! We just need someone to babysit the little monkeys.
July 13th, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Aside from the delicious gooeyness that this blog makes me feel, i would have to say the best part is “bake those fuckers for 10 minutes”
You are amazing!
July 13th, 2008 at 10:23 AM
Driving laws and cookie recipes. This blog has everything!
July 13th, 2008 at 1:23 PM
Sounds awesome. I’m with Ken though - I’m all about the whipped cream.
July 13th, 2008 at 3:44 PM
I’m still waiting for that corn salad recipie!………..
July 13th, 2008 at 9:22 PM
glooooooooorious. thanks darling.