What the Fuck is Wrong with People?

Yesterday was my unpaid domestic labor day, which means that I don’t report to a job I actually get paid for.


And so I did my chores and errands and took Girlfriend for a walk to my Grandfather’s house to go and use the pool. Usually it’s a really pleasant walk because there are some beautiful old houses in my neighborhood and I love nothing more than trying to look inside to see if there’s anyone naked in there how it’s decorated. On the way there we passed another pedestrian and I said “good afternoon” and the fucking woman didn’t say “good afternoon” back. She just looked at me and decided not to!
Be a cunt.
I don’t care.

And then about a minute later, I reached the crosswalk I had to use to get to Papa’s house. It’s a busy street, but around here, and I don’t know if this is a universal law or whatever because I was totally drunk the day we covered that in driver’s ed, you have to STOP when a pedestrian enters the crosswalk.

So I stood there for fucking ever IN THE CROSSWALK, with the baby stroller and the dog and it was just like



As car after car totally ignored the stroller in the crosswalk. And we were hanging out there in danger of being hit until a woman I have seen at the park a few times before stopped for me and waited very patiently as we stood in the middle of the crosswalk in front of her car as cars coming the opposite direction still kept zooming past.

Nobody stopped.

Nobody even slowed down.

I finally got across because there were no other cars coming. She yelled out her window “I can’t believe no one stopped for you!” And I was like “I know it!” and that was that.

Internet, I would like to know WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH PEOPLE???

Do I need to show a little more leg next time I want to cross the street?


It’s always like this around here. My mother is blind and uses a cane so it’s pretty damn obvious that she can’t see but when she tries to cross the street, people honk and YELL AT HER! They don’t stop, they don’t slow down, they abuse her. And my step mom fell while walking her dog and nobody stopped to help her. She was on the ground for 20 minutes crying for help and people just slowed down to stare at her. A 90 year old woman finally noticed her and came out of her house to help her. And nobody stops to let little old ladies cross the street except me. I always stop for the grannies. It’s called being decent.

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to install one of these in my car

And any time I see some crazy fucktard douchebag asshat I’m gonna burn the motherfucker.

HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Any other ideas?

I’m on a fucking crusade bitches.

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  1. The town where I went to college had to install a stoplight/cross walk because so many students kept getting hit by BMW’s and Mercedes…

    I almost got in my pregnant belly by some lady pulling out of a bank….

    I now go on walks with a spiked club and leave a trail of bodies behind me. I already have my daughter yelling; “Don’t fuck with me bitch, I haven’t had my nap yet!!”

  2. Damn filters….ONCE AGAIN, I can’t see your picture, or diagram, or WHATEVER….but I’m sure it’s really funny. I’d say I’ll look at it when I get home BUT I DON’T HAVE A COMPUTER!!!!!!!!(**I’m trying to be calm…trying to be calm…..deep cleansing breaths……)

  3. Saweet! If possible, and I’m sure he’ll definitely agree to it, bring along the Hulk with you. Also bring along rotten eggs and throw them at cars.

  4. Rachel M- I think I’m gonna start having my kid say that too. It’s perfect!

    Rach- done and done.

    Shelly- It’s a picture of a flame thrower. You’re not missing much.

    Marie- I thought of the eggs. They’ll be good for use with the stroller.

  5. Carry tacks in your purse. When cars aren’t slowly down, chuck a handful of the pointy weapons in front of the cars. Nothing screams “karma’s a bitch” like four flat tires.

  6. Damn. People usually aren’t even that harsh in the city. And we have a Bad Reputation out here….

    …Although there was a granny in my elevator who refused to say “goodnight” back to me after she insisted I remove my iPod to talk to her.

    Stephanie Tanner said it best: HOW RUDE!

  7. The queen of fucking everything should not even have to stop at crosswalks…people should just automatically yeild regardless of what color the light is.

    You should seriously write a letter to the mayor or police cheif or someone.

  8. i can’t believe these idiots refused to stop for a smokin’ babe like you, wifey. wtf is wrong with them?? seriously.

    that’s one of the things i ALWAYS DO–let the hotties across the street so i (and whoever else is in the car) can ogle them.

    and a hottie with a baby? that means it’s either 1) the nanny, which is pretty sexy in its own right, or 2) the milf, which is about an order of magnitude sexier.

    what is the world coming to when people don’t even have time for an ogle, and perhaps a tip of the head in acknowledgment of a good looking pedestrian?

    i’ll tell ya: the world is becoming FUBAR.

  9. Ken, MILFs are sexier than nannies? Are they sexier than porn stars and women dressed in school girl uniforms? Is a MILF the sexiest thing a woman can be? If the answer’s yes, I’m on the next flight to the east coast.

    As to the assholes. I don’t know. I’m always for throwing things at cars. And yelling is a personal favorite. It’s summer, you can scream and they’ll hear you because the windows are rolled down.

    And strollers, and bike trailers with children in them mean NOTHING to people. In fact, it makes you invisible. It’s the truth, as much as I hate it.

  10. i always stop in the crosswalks for that very same reason that i have been stuck before. it sucks.

    plus i think i chalk up good karma points every time i stop. i’m lame.

  11. Nilsa- karma’s bitch! Ha, ha, ha!!!

    stealthnerd- High five for the Full House reference!

    Matt- I could write a letter but we already know they’d probably just use it as toilet paper.

    Neth- Total FUBAR.

    Melissa- I was hoping it would be better where you are. Shit.

    Chris- I’ll let you try it too. It’s fun!

    Kiala- We’re going again today! Come with us!

    Alexa- I think the same thing! I open doors for old people and people with strollers and stuff too. There’s nothing wrong with trying to cover youself in the karma department.

  12. We had a horrible incident here where a guy was hit by a car, in broad daylight, and he just lay there with people passing by and no one stopping to help. Can I borrow your flamethrower? I’d light those fuckers up and refuse to let the firefighters put out the flames.

    Notice how I’m all violent against humanity but when you bloodthirsty savages start talking about killing animals (run, Frank, run!) I get all weepy eyed?

  13. It’s a law! It is here in Astoria anyway, they actually set up under cover sting operations to ticket people who don’t stop for pedestrians. However, just two days ago I stopped at a cross walk to let someone cross and she stood in front of my truck while a FUCKING COP looked right at her and drove by anyway not stopping for her. WTF? and if I would have said anything to him he would have pulled ME over for road rage, I shit you not!

  14. I’m all for yelling obscenities. There was a short story I read a couple years ago and for the life of me can’t remember the author, but he hated people who didn’t follow the traffic laws so he blew up some very graphic and extremely disturbing porno pictures and under them printed random things like “Stop and let old ladies cross the street,” and he would hold them up when people broke the laws even if the particular poster didn’t apply to them. He thinks it worked wonders.

  15. I will lose my mother one of these days, she’s always darting out in the middle of the street because people are supposed to stop, and she’s going to assert her right of way by stepping in front of speeding cars. That’s not my recommendation. I prefer hating the assholes from a safe distance.

  16. Well CT people are assholes just the same. Just last weekend I and my girlfriend were going to Target. I STOPPED in the crosswalk, and people who had decided to take their time were getting gestures of “COME ON LETS GO!” Well we got some back and they took up even more of our time…we were not amused. People suck dude

  17. I certainly understand your frustration. The thing is, you said…”you have to STOP when a pedestrian enters the crosswalk.” But that is not true entirely. A pedestrian cannot enter the crosswalk until it is safe to cross. Once it is safe to cross and you start to cross you have the right of way. If there is a pedestrian crosswalk signal you only have the right of way when it says you do.

    So no, they don’t have to stop just because you walk out into the crosswalk, you have to wait until it is safe before you try.

    It’s a common mistake, you are not alone. But if you are going to rant, you might want to get the law straight first.


  18. http://www.rilin.state.ri.us/Statutes/TITLE31/31-18/31-18-3.HTM

    § 31-18-3 Right-of-way in crosswalk. – (a) When traffic control signals are not in place or not in operation,

    true. no stop signs or signal lights or yield signs or police officers directing traffic are present.

    the driver of a vehicle shall yield the right of way, slowing down or stopping if need be to so yield, to a pedestrian

    the drivers is supposed to stop or slow down to yield to a pedestrian

    crossing the roadway within a crosswalk

    in a crosswalk

    when the pedestrian is upon the half of the roadway upon which the vehicle is traveling,

    who stands on the rh side of the road

    or when the pedestrian is approaching so closely from the opposite half of the roadway as to be in danger,

    or when the pedestrian is about to cross over the center into your lane

    but no pedestrian shall suddenly


    leave a curb or other place of safety and walk or run into the path of a vehicle which is so close

    unable to reasonably stop

    that it is impossible for the driver to yield.

    since that would not constitute negligence on the driver’s behalf

    This provision shall not apply under the conditions stated in § 31-18-6.

    what does 31-18-6 say?

    § 31-18-6 Crossing where tunnel or overhead is provided. – Any pedestrian crossing a roadway at a point where a pedestrian tunnel or overhead pedestrian crossing has been provided shall yield the right-of-way to all vehicles upon the roadway.

    unless there was a pedestrian bridge or tunnel across the roadway, since they should just be using that.

    sounds like a MV violation to me.

  19. I say you carry one of those with you and you shoot every car that doesn’t stop for you. I’ve gotten to the point where I just jump out in the crosswalk. If one of those assholes hit me I’ll sue the shit out of them. or if I’m dead my mom can.

  20. I’ve got an idea…. How about you get the stroller and set yourself up in the crosswalk again. I’ll let your pimp borrow my potato gun, and he can set up in some bushes nearby and blow out the windows of any assclown-pricks that don’t let you cross. Besides, the gun makes a very satisfying boom, which alone is enough to scare the shit out of most people.

  21. I look inside people’s windows to “see how it’s decorated” too.

    *wink wink*

    Oh and I think the reason people are so heartless is because they are too busy. Their busyness gives them an inflated sense of self-importance (I can’t possibly take five minutes out of my day to help that old lady that just fell down back there and obviously broke her hip and knocked herself out…Someone of less importance will have to do it.) That is of course just my humble little opinion. But the world is spinning out of control and NICE is one of the first things that is going to be flung into outer space never to be seen again.

  22. PS: The reason I like to see how people “decorate” their houses is because one time I was driving past this “really” big old house “and” I saw these people “decorating” each other very fancily. It was very impressive and it gave me ways to “decorate” with “my” husband.

    Oh, and I’m just fucking with you on the quotation marks “now.”

  23. Crissy – Jai- Wow. That was condescending and prickish.

    Hmmmm, if information offends you…I guess. I just would have guessed from the tone of what you write you could handle bluntness. You call people “cunt” just for not saying hello. Get over yourself.

  24. Two words…TENNIS BALLS!!! Unless you are really close to a car, or freakin’ Superman, you can’t do much damage and it scares the shit out of people. We do it to people who drive down are small cul-de-sac (with 42 kids) a little too fast! It works!!!

  25. Maxie- GOOD PLAN.

    Kendra- It does not surprise me that you have a potato gun. at. all. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

    Morgy-You’re absolutely right.

    Dingo- you and Kendra would get along sooooo well. I’m sensing a road trip.

    Jai- It’s not the information that offends. It is the tone in which it is conveyed. And yes. I don’t mind bluntness, but rudeness I have a problem with. That was pretty much the point of my post.

    Lars- Are you a policeman?

    Lisa- I thought of buying a bunch of cheap baby dolls and chucking them out the window at people. Tennis balls are great though. There are children under 10 years old in almost every house on my street and people treat it like a dragstrip.

  26. Actually, Jai, there was a demonstrable lack of information in your “condescending and prickish” post–a fact I see you have handily and not surprisingly failed to address in your reply.

    According to RI statute 31-18-3 every single one of the drivers who failed to stop could have been given a citation.

    As someone once said, “if you are going to rant, you might want to get the law straight first.”

    Have a nice day!

  27. Hey, Jai, Mister Dickwad. How does it feel to a the very sort of prickish, self-important asshole this post is about?

    Look up RI § 31-18-3: Right-of-way in crosswalk. (a) When traffic control signals are not in place or not in operation, the driver of a vehicle shall yield the right of way, slowing down or stopping if need be to so yield, to a pedestrian crossing the roadway within a crosswalk when the pedestrian is upon the half of the roadway upon which the vehicle is traveling, or when the pedestrian is approaching so closely from the opposite half of the roadway as to be in danger….

    You can read the statute here: http://www.rilin.state.ri.us/statutes/title31/31-18/31-18-3.HTM.

    But you won’t bother, will you? You’ll just spread your self-important bullshit instead, right. But if you are going to rant, you might want to get the law straight first.


  28. Ok, lets clear this up…First my original post points out Crissy wasn’t “entirely” correct, which is not saying she was wrong per se (because not being there to see what really happened we can only speculate on her accuracy in describing it).
    Secondly; the law is VERY clear about being IN a crosswalk, but what most people overlook is the directive about when or how a pedestrian can enter the crosswalk. If you step out into traffic, guess what? You don’t have the right-of-way…if an accident results the pedestrian is to blame. So even if someone nails thier brakes to let you cross, if the cars behind them crash into the car which stops, the pedestrian is the one who carries the responsibility. It seems silly to think traffic should stop rather than just being patient enough to cross when it’s safe.
    Third…Stopping and going wastes fuel. The green thinking person, the person concerned about the bigger picture, would understand that from an environmental perspective, wanting cars to stop just so you can get to the pool is crazy self-centered.

    Ok, so yeah, at this point I am certainly up on a soap box. But I’m only pointing these things out this way in light of the rather shallow response by some of you.

    Prickish? If prickish means thoughtfully blunt, then yup, I’m prickish. But I guess the alternative is to sound spoiled, ignorant and “entitled”(to what? and why?). I’d rather be “prickish”.

    Have a nice day.


  29. Oh, and I didn’t even adress this little gem…

    “So I stood there for fucking ever IN THE CROSSWALK, with the baby stroller and the dog and it was just like



    As car after car totally ignored the stroller in the crosswalk. And we were hanging out there in danger of being hit…”

    I think this would qualify as Child Endangerment. A responsible parent doesn’t push thier kid out into traffic. Bad enough you can’t navigate a crosswalk, but you push your kid out into traffic?!

    Who is the “prickish” one here? Seriously

    Maybe a quick cut and paste an an email to CPS is in order.

  30. Jai- What the hell is wrong with you? Spoiled, ignorant and entitled? You do not understand this blog. IT’S A HUMOR BLOG AND IT IS ALL ONE BIG JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!Please fuck off and die.

  31. Hey Jai. Lars cited code. I pasted a link. Can you kindly do the same? Please post this oft-overlooked “directive about when or how a pedestrian can enter the crosswalk” about which you state “the law is very clear.” We will wait while you look up the statute. It should be on the very website above. Or are you just blowing more smoke out of your large, hatted ass? Um, yep, that’s it.

    You are the prickish one here. You’re just a pathetic work of crap who gets off on sounding like you know shit about which you know nothing — even if it’s fucking traffic laws — with no goddamn support whatsoever. Meanwhile, you have nothing worthwhile to say on your own site, which is approximately as informative, humorous, *or* interesting as the avergae fourteen-year-old’s MySpace page.

    Hey, there was one little tidbit on your blog worth repeating: “To me a troll is the person who lacks a cogent perspective on a topic, yet continues to engage others in debate or argument about it without justification, or as a means of misinforming or creating dissonance.”

    You came here to comment on a humorous blog entry but engage in argument over traffic laws? Meanwhile, you cite no justification whatsoever even for your interpretation of the traffic laws. You’re a troll.

    As for your threat to call CPS, where exactly would that be? Would CPS say, “Oh My God! Something was written in a humorous blog entry that also contains references to buying a flamethrower! They must be totally serious and we must act now.” No, you’re the only idiot who takes yourself that fucking seriously, is also ignorant of the law but pretends not to be, and is also just a fucking douchebag. Why don’t you instead crawl back to your own miserable excuse for a blog and peddle your bullshit there?

  32. Humor blog?…really?

    Maybe you should note this on the page, ‘cuz it doesn’t read like humor (to me at least).

    How did I find this anyway…oh yeah, it’s published for everyone to read and comment on. So I did, hell…I AM. lol

    It is funny…but not like you want me to think it is supposed to be. More of in a -sad commentary on the complacncy of the middle class- kind of way. Well, to me anyway.

    Why do you think your life is a “BIG JOKE” though?
    I’m not saying it isn’t of course, I’m just asking.

    So…whatever. I’ll leave it be. Maybe it’s all a misunderstanding, maybe not. Does it matter?

    It is rather a repugnant read, but I think this has it’s value. I think your blog is illustrative of what is problematic in our culture these days; the ability to recognize dysfunction, but the inability to change the behavior.


  33. For those who feel I didn’t present a more cogent defense of my thought process, I offer you this, from… http://www.wsdot.wa.gov/biz/trafficoperations/traffic/crosswalks.htm
    …which reads, in part…
    “Based on the San Diego study, the Washington State Department of Transportation believes that there are two important considerations when talking about crosswalks:

    Marked crosswalks give pedestrians a false sense of security. People on foot must always act defensively around traffic.
    While marked crosswalks are effective for moving pedestrians though complex and confusing intersections, they should not be seen as safety devices on their own. Crosswalks are most effective in conjunction with signals and other traffic control devices.
    How secure are you in a crosswalk?
    People generally think of marked crosswalks as safety devices, and Most (but not all: Jai’s notation here) jurisdictions give the pedestrian the right-of-way when in a crosswalk. However, there is evidence that many pedestrians feel overly secure when using a marked crosswalk. Feeling safe, they may aggressively enter crosswalks without proper consideration of approaching traffic in the mistaken belief that the motor vehicle can — and will — stop for them.

    By contrast, a pedestrian using an unmarked crosswalk generaly feels less secure and exercises more caution in waiting for safe gaps in traffic before crossing.

    Do crosswalks serve as a reminder to drivers to slow down and watch for pedestrians? This is a common assumption, but studies don’t bear-out the “warning device” theory. Drivers often can’t see crosswalks at a safe stopping distance as well as pedestrians assume they can. Road alignment, irregularities in pavement, distance, and other variables (weather, glare, and adverse lighting conditions) all contribute to diminishing the driver’s view.

    Meanwhile, the pedestrian’s view of the same crosswalk is quite clear, and he or she may assume that the motorist can also see it clearly. Over-confidence is considered to be a major factor in a disroportionate share of accidents involving pedestrians in marked crosswalks.”…

    Isn’t this fun!

  34. Jai — Do you think Crissy’s serious about blasting people with a flame thrower … really? Seriously? You weren’t able to pick up on the tone? Ummm. Ok.

    Now I understand why you won’t let this die.

  35. wow, the fact that you have so little going on in the day that you argue about crosswalk laws tells me a lot about you….

    luckily I have a ton of time during the day to judge you

    *judge, judge, judge*

    I can do this allllll day

  36. Hey Jai. I have time to debate crosswalks laws today as well. Was that your response to my earlier comment? You said, “the law is clear.” You said, “If you step out into traffic, guess what? You don’t have the right-of-way.” That is a legal conclusion based upon the “clear” law, no? Your support is a Washington State web page based upon a San Diego study about overconfidence of pedestrians in crosswalks, a study that has had no effect on the law anywhere whatsoever? So, there is no such law, right? You just pulled it out of your ass.

    I wonder why you didn’t cite the discussion of this same study on the Louisiana page? There it says, “How secure are you in a crosswalk? Marked crosswalks are widely classified as ‘safety devices’ and most jurisdictions give the pedestrian the right-of-way when within them.” (Emphasis mine.)

    Do you have any support for your earlier contention that Crissy was legally without the right of way? Nope. You can’t because that’s just not the law. Instead, you are you just a pathetic fucking troll with a matching pathetic blog that nobody reads, so you come to a popular blog to spout bullshit.

    That means that you are a sad commentary on the complacency of the middle class. (Note that, unlike you, I know how to spell the word “complacency.”) Perhaps you think your posts on your own website offer something more. I mean, you did get three comments to one extraordinary post, right? Then stay there. Perhaps you think that your comments here are somehow informative, though they are justified by nothing more than your tragic overestimation of your own intelligence and a grossly mistaken impression of your own importance.

    Yes, you don’t get Crissy’s posts. You don’t get humor. Fine. You could have gone away and all would have been fine. Instead, you post pompous comments supported only by your own inflated ego rather than by the law you pretend to know so well. Tell me, you dipshit poser, doesn’t that make you a sad commentary on the complacency of the idle middle class? Or, at least, you are a remarkable commentary about how some sad people attempt to pass themselves off as a member of a phantom intelligentsia.

    Go back under your bridge, troll.

  37. Oh Stoogie, you nut you!
    Your own earlier post makes my point abundantly obvious…”but no pedestrian shall suddenly leave a curb or other place of safety and walk or run into the path of a vehicle which is so close that it is impossible for the driver to yield.”

    The irony being you posted the law which defends my point yourself. Thanks. You should pay attention to the WHOLE paragraph, not just the parts which you think justify your perspective. Even my original post doesn’t say she was totally wrong, just not entirely right. It was a minor difference that I thought should be clarified. But then there was name calling, and judgements, and other nasty attitudes (none mine by the way). It would be easy to make degrading comments. Easy. But it’s not my point.

    My point…be careful of those snap judgements about peoples behavior and what you think you are owed. You might be mistaken, or even wrong.

    Are we done now?

  38. Not quite yet, Jai.

    Maybe you should pay attention. Here, let me spell it out for you: “suddenly leave the curb or a place of safety and walk or run into the path of a vehicle which is so close that it is impossible for the driver to yield.” Note the word “and.” Um, yep, it is illegal to suddenly walk in front of a moving car that you know is unable to stop. Does that have some relevance here? You have a weak sense of irony as well humor.

    In your original post, you wrote, “A pedestrian cannot enter the crosswalk until it is safe to cross. Once it is safe to cross and you start to cross you have the right of way.” Bullshit. And more bullshit: “So no, they don’t have to stop just because you walk out into the crosswalk, you have to wait until it is safe before you try.” No, asshat, you can’t step in front of a moving car. But when you enter the crosswalk, cars must stop. Period. My point is that Crissy was entirely right. Meaning, you were wrong. If you have evidence to the contrary, provide it.

    Also, I like name-calling when it is well-deserved, you pompous, self-important prick. See?

    Now we’re done.

  39. Mr. Jai,

    Apparently you are overly concerned with people throwing themselves into traffic and assuming that they are somehow magically protected from harm by some white lines painted on the road. Indeed, the law protects the motorist from being held accountable for negligence in these cases. The definition of negligence is when a person has departed from the conduct expected of a reasonably prudent person acting under similar circumstances.

    In short, the law makes sense.

    However, in the case which we are describing here–the case that you decided to “weigh in” on with your “expert” commentary–there is no evidence whatsoever that it was impossible for the driver to yield. Yet this is the hinge-pin on which your entire argument is based.

    In fact, REASONABLE people would have SEEN the pedestrian IN THE CROSSWALK, exhibited some level of EMPATHY and placed themselves in the pedestrian’s situation, and YIELDED the right of way, delaying them a mere 15-30 seconds from their oh-so-important lives.

    You obviously have a myopic and superficial understanding of motor vehicle statues, and I strongly suggest you refrain from further dispensation of “information.”

    In short, don’t bring a knife to a gun fight.

  40. Lars, a well made point, but as described in Crissys blog…”zoom…zoom…zoom…As car after car totally ignored the stroller in the crosswalk”… it would seem the majority of motorists either didn’t see her or didn’t have time to stop. This leads me to think perhaps pushing a stroller out into the crosswalk was a “bad idea” (there you go, I said it). Perhaps it wasn’t the motorists (plural) it was the pedestrian (singular). I’m trying to be subtle, but I suck at it.

    Oh well. You sure are a plyable bunch.
    So’long, and thanks for all the fish.

  41. Listen guys, I’m really sorry for being so ridiculously rude and insistent on carrying on and on and ON (ad nauseum, i KNOW) about stupid fucking pedestrian cross walk laws. the truth is my PS3 broke and since I rarely leave my mom’s basement, I had to resort to stalking someone’s blog and causing hoopla over what is now officially the dumbest topic to debate. ever.

    I hope you all accept my apologies and visit my site next week when I will conduct a survey on whether or not I should shave my handle bar mustache.

    Good night!

  42. Great story! This HAS to be NYC or Jersey. I grew up in New England and it makes me sick to hear stories like this because it casts a shadow on all the decent people there. I was raised to consider others before myself. I feel like bitch-slapping people who act like that. I had to laugh at your solution, though. 😉

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