Everybody Wants One

Before I tell you what this post is about today you should know that I decided to keep the name Crissy’s Page because your responses were overwhelmingly in favor of it. Apparently the cutesy dorkishness of the name is in such contrast to the vulgar whore behind it that it pleases you.


But some of you had some great suggestions and you deserve a shout out :

Beef Johnson’s Circusrs27
Dirty BlondeLynne
Double Jointed Vaginastoogepie
My Husband Watches a lot of PornMelissa Lion
Free Moneylacochran
Donkey Punching and More! Morgetron

So thanks people.

Okay, on to the post!

So I really want my bike but I don’t have the scratch right now so I had an idea.

You guys are going to buy these tee shirts

with Crissyspage.com written on the back or else I’ll not like you any more.

People will think Crissy’s Page is a mom porn site but fuck them for being dirty birds.

I’ve discovered that you can get these all over the place but why would you do that when you can buy one from Crissy and help her get her dream machine and watch hours of videos of her falling off her bike riding it in circles in her driveway and then down the street and back a little until she gets the courage to leave her neighborhood.

So before I buy a bunch of these shirts and then get stuck giving them to everyone and my grandfather because no one wanted one, who wants one?

Shoot me an email or a comment below and I will decide if this is another one of my brilliant ideas or if I really need to stop smoking the crack.

It was actually my neighbor’s idea, not Michelle’s but her husband Rich’s, so maybe Rich and I will both need to stop hitting the pipe while our children run naked and dirty in the street eating garbage play nicely together in the back yard.

Maybe I’ll even have thongs and boxer briefs and onezies and bumper stickers and mouse pads and wine glasses and all kinds of other stuff too.

What’s cool?

I have no idea.

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  1. is there any way to get this in a vee-neck version…my girls just look best this way.

    And what about I Heart Hot Dads?!

  2. I’m with Rachel, does it come in a Girlie Tee with a V neck…in black, My girls need all the help they can get. P.S. I think any shirt that sports your website on the back in Brilliant!

  3. Fantabulous shirt! I wonder if people would stare at a 5’2” girl who looks like she’s 19 instead of 29 (yeah that’s me) wearing this shirt? I think I would get interesting looks, no? Everybody would just be jealous they didn’t have this shirt.

  4. I think I’ll wear the shirt the next time my MIL wants to hangout…

    “No you don’t understand, I only love HOT mamas. You can’t be seen with me since you are not hot….or sane.”

  5. I would definitely wear a tank top. But more importantly, I would totally buy a mug and a tote bag. God, I fucking love tote bags.

    So, do that please. Tote bag.

    Let’s all say it together!


  6. Mom porn! Let’s all say it together now! Mom porn!

    I like the wifebeater idea. The irony makes me happy. And branding makes me happy, too. I’ll take two.

    I would buy a baseball cap, too. Sometimes I do the cap and sunglasses thing.

    So, I’m assuming that it is absolutely impossible to steal this bike?

  7. I will not be wearing a “I heart hot dads shirt” because I only in fact heart cool dads.

    See what I did there? See?

    I can’t believe this blog isn’t called Beef Johnson’s Circus. It’s a classy name

  8. Wait, is that the same bike PeeWee Herman rode? Sweet!

    I would definitely get one of these shirts if you, like, gave them away for free. I’d shammy my car with it. Proudly.

  9. See, I would love a bowling shirt with “Hot Mom” where the name normally would be, then on the back have it all old school bowling league style advertising Crissy’s Page.

    Oh Gawd. I’ve become a hipster, haven’t I?

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