It’s my birthday today.
“Happy Birthday Crissy”
So on my wish list this year is this:
I know I look like an idiot in this picture, but it’s not about me.
It’s all about the pimpin’ ride.
It’s the Electra Hawaii Custom edition but I would name her Circe.
God I want that bike. I don’t ride bikes, but that’s not the point. I would if I had THAT bike.
And I’d like it with a basket on the front for Alice and a trailer in the back for Girlfriend because I have to separate them or else they fight.
And also I would like handlebar streamers.
And one of those little metal license plates that says MILF on it.
And flowers on the basket please.
And Mister was going to get it for me because he’s sweet like that but I said “no.”
When you turn 34 you have to act like a grown up. I don’t know who the asshat is who made that rule but when I find him I’m going to shove his balls up his nose.
And its because we have a house and we have responsibilities and things that we need must come before things that we want and so I got one of these:
Because the one we had came free with the house and was of the same vintage as the one your mom got in 1984 and it was like a miracle box out of Star Trek or something and everyone suddenly became obsessed with popcorn and s’mores. It was probably emitting some sort of gammaalphabetasex rays and turning any of our future children into three headed fire monsters and so it was time to ditch the sucker.
As sexy, sexy, sexy as that is Mister balanced it off nicely with one of these:
and I’m going to settle for these instead of the bike
only I’d like them in the violet/amethyst combination because purple’s my favorite color.
Did you know that?
You should be writing this down.
And my friend Valerie sent me two cards, one email and one mail mail. In one of them she pointed out that we’ve known each other for 20 years. I don’t know how that’s even possible but you can’t lie to math so wow we really are old.
And maybe dinner out at this place.
And today will be a nice birthday I think.
Oh and I might ask my neighbor Michelle to go get stinking drunk on Margaritas see Sex and the City with me over the weekend.
And also I will at some point need to get naked and roll around in chocolate cake.
Maybe I’ll ask Michelle to do that too.
She likes cake.
And no I will not get it on video so don’t even ask.
Please leave all your happy birthday wishes and gifts in the space provided below and don’t be all mad at me if I don’t comment on your blog today because it’s my birthday and its all about me and not you.