Happy Hump Day!
I am Rachel (the BFF) and somewhere Crissy is toasting me with a Cosmo…I can just feel it!
In light of the fact that I am writing on such an auspicious day, I thought it would be cathartic and appropriate to talk about sex.
Specifically: Position 69
Even more specifically: How much I don’t get it.
Now, that is not in the very personal “not gettin’ any” way, but more of a confused, eye-squinting, head tilting, cute puppy way.
Let’s break it down:
I get the giving.
I get the taking. (I especially like this bit.)
But put it together and I go into crisis. How long do you give before you get to enjoy the taking. And if you’re enjoying the taking, how do you give? And doesn’t someone always end up with a cramp somewhere?
It’s a tactical mess. Like Twister with tongues.
And let’s face our bodily functions people–there is stuff that is beyond our control that inevitably happens and how do you NOT laugh?!
(Trust me on this, while mutual comedy sex is funny, when it seems like you are laughing *even if it’s at yourself* and your face is in someone’s down belows…ahem, let’s just say men can be a bit sensitive on the laughing.)
And this is not even the hard part to fathom.
How do people accomplish this with a huge height difference? And this is not just about the male to female height:
6′4″
5′6″
(even with a strap-on!)
But imagine what number this guy resembles with anyone:
I daresay, it is not 69.
So there is the thought of my day for you all.
For those who have achieved mastery at this, kudos to you…but for me and mine, we’re straight up give or take around here…and ne’er the twain shall meet.
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June 4th, 2008 at 8:53 AM
i love the number so much that my car license plate my initials and the number 69
lucky me
but you are right…i’d rather take turns with the giving and the taking…if you are trying too hard “giving” you cant really enjoy the “taking
June 4th, 2008 at 10:32 AM
This is why I didn’t do very well in my twenties with the casual dating and/or sex. Dudes were always trying to do stuff like that or underwater or upside down or whatever they saw in a porno once with NO REGARD WHATSOEVER for the comfort of their partner.
I’d rather stay home with my cat.
June 4th, 2008 at 11:15 AM
Poor Kiala.
69 is the most overrated sex position ever, I agree.
It’s something people think sounds great, but when they finally do it, they realize it’s annoying and not worth all the trouble. Kind of like marriage.
June 4th, 2008 at 11:18 AM
NOOOOOOO! I think 69 is awesome.
June 4th, 2008 at 11:19 AM
Ia gree, it shouldn’t be called 69. It should be called, “too much f’in work”
But thats a mouthful.
Get it? Get it?
Hey-OH!
June 4th, 2008 at 11:39 AM
azn: Crissy told me already, but you truly are the coolest cat in town!
Kiala:Isn’t it funny that guys think we can do all the stuff they see in the movies…and how they all think they’re John Holmes?!
Chris: Marriage is actually great because it totally ends the facade that we heart 69 and other myths.
rs: You. Are. Funny!
June 4th, 2008 at 4:25 PM
I want to know who thought it would be a good idea in the first place? Doesn’t it always end up one-sided at some point in the whole ordeal…or is that just me being selfish?
June 5th, 2008 at 9:08 AM
Um, what brought this on? (OK, you don’t have to tell us).
But, you know, you don’t have to both work at the same time, you can take turns.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:46 AM
[...] to most respectfully, and carefully and with the most amount of humility, totally disagree with Miss Rachael. 69 is one of my favorite things to do. I love the tension of it. I love the balance and the [...]