Save Moonlight!

CBS can suck my dick.

I am hideously depressed because my most favoritest TV show has been cancelled.

What am I supposed to do on Friday nights without watching Moonlight and having fantasies, very, very naughty fantasies about being “turned” by vampire Hottie Mc Hot Hot Mick St. John?

I mean look at this dude!

Dark, brooding, HOT. AS. HELL.

And he’s a vampire.

Makes me get all gooshy inside and also a tad moist in the panty every time I think about him. My boss and I are about a heartbeat away from quitting work and stalking Alex O’ Loughlin, the guy who plays the role of Mick St. John, not that it matters what his name is in “real life” because I believe that Alex O’ Loughlin is really Mick St. John and not Alex O’ Loughlin at all and I know this because vampires are real.

I saw it on the tee-vee so it must be true.

And they live amongst us and live normal lives.

Well, except for the whole sleeping in a freezer and drinking blood thing.

And do you know what people are doing to protest the attempted murder of Mick St. John by the douchebags at CBS? They’re donating blood. This makes sense because Mick St. John is a good vampire and he doesn’t feed on people because he’s a humanitarian, really and he has respect for human life unlike naughty vampires who go around sucking people dry and GOD I’d give anything to be sucked dry by Mick St. John. Any. thing.

huhuhuhuhuhuh…

Shit.

Where was I?

Oh, right. Mick gets his meals from the blood bank and sometimes the morgue, so it makes sense that legions of Moonlight fans are donating blood to try and save him.

So Mister and I are thinking of doing it too, and me especially since I have my superhuman ability to bleed so what’s a few pints to a girl like me, right? And Mister loves Moonlight too and he kept saying he felt “gutted” all day Friday after he heard the terrible, terrible news. But the problem we’re having is that we want the blood to go to vampires only. I’ve never donated blood before since I’m sure I’d throw up and pass out because I’m a really big baby that way and I about bring my mom with me for a blood test, so I don’t really know how it works when you go, but I think I’ll insist they write on the bag o’ blood “for vampires only.” And then they’ll have to honor my request because it’s my blood and I get to say what happens with it. Don’t I? Like I could also have them write “for smart people only” except it’ll be “for vampires only” instead.

You can do that, right?

So here’s where you guys come in. You can either go here and sign the petition to end the merciless slaughter of vampires or you can go to the blood bank and donate some blood and say that Crissy sent you and that you only want the blood to be given to vampires, preferably Mick St. John. There are like, tens of you, so if you all go I’m sure that the blood bank will call CBS and tell them the news and they’ll be so overwhelmed by such a grand gesture that they will have to put the show back on and then I will have single handedly with the help of tens of people saved the day thereby making millions of Moonlight fans very, very happy and also making Mick St. John fall in love with me real. hard. and we will get married and he will turn me into a vampire and that means I will live forever which also means I will be able to blog forever and don’t you want that to happen?

I promise I won’t bite you.

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Hard.

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26 comments

  1. I had my hand on the phone Friday morning to call you about this but then stopped because I knew it would ruin your entire day…and possibly long weekend. I tried to protect you.

    Because I am a good friend like that.

  2. You’re in luck! We’re having another Blood Drive here at the library! I also love vampires but ironically I’ve never seen this show. Does this vampire dude have any older brothers?

  3. When I donate blood, I write For Guys Who Give Women Oral Sex Regularly and Let Women Ride them Like Cowboys on the bag because those are the only guys worth saving, you know?

  4. Rach- You are a good friend. Thank you.

    Lynne- Well, he has a bff who’s about 300 years old, but he looks like he’s about 32. Are you interested?

    Melissa- Those guys and the ones who do housework without complaint or being asked. They’re keepers too.

  5. This totally reminds me of when Sports Night went off the air (so the producer/director/writer/whateverhisnameis could go do West Wing – gah!). I’m sure you’re cocking your head to the side. Sports Night? Yes. Yes indeed. It was one of the greatest shows on air. I miss it. And hate when I see the actors doing other things (Felicity Huffman in Desperate Housewifes – ugh!).

  6. I’ve been stewing all morning waiting for some FABULOUSLY witty comment to leave….and I’m coming up short. So, I’ll go the gushy route…your post made me LAUGH OUT LOUD……at work, which is probably inappropriate…..and I think you are VERRRYYYY funny, and I’m SO glad I “interMET” you (hahahahaha….interMet? get it?) It’s probably in the urban dictionary or something already, and here I thought I was clever!!

    p.s. Not so sure about vampires…..even hot ones.

  7. Okay.

    I have to tell you something you’re not gonna like.

    I think vampires are WAY overrated. They are simply not as cool as people think they are. Too much hype has created them as this ultimate “cool” thing, when in fact, they are just average.

    Werewolves are much cooler. They can do all this crazy shit because they’re this whole other thing and then forget about it the next day. Kinda like when I drink too much.

    Which is maybe why I like them.

  8. Nilsa- You’re right. Sports night? Really?

    Neth- It has something to do with it. Yes. Why oh why didn’t your hair look good like that?

    Shelly- Clearly you have never seen the show.

    Chris- I cannot get on board with the whole werewolf thing. I don’t like men with a lot of body hair. Sorry.

  9. I felt the same way about Angel…just about the show not about David Borneaous or whatever his name is…I was more of a Wesley fan anyway. Nevertheless I am a giant Joss Whedon nerd so it almost killed me.

  10. I’m surprised mister has to go to a blood drive/bank, I thought women just take your blood from you when you get married.

    Hey-oh!

    I’ll be here all comment.

  11. Actually, rs, we are WAY more interested in the money in your wallet…blood is just one more thing we’d have to clean up. 😉

  12. Rach- So do I.

    Melissa- Yeah, we have a lot of requirements and I agree. They wouldn’t go very far for us either unless there was a BJ promised at the end and even then…

    Kiala- Ugh. Don’t even get me started on Angel. And yeah, I never had a thing for him outside of the show. It was all about the dark and tortured soul of a vampire that turned me on.

    rs27- We do take the blood, but only a little at a time so you don’t notice until you’re too weak to do anything about it and then we make you buy us houses and give us babies and stuff. We’re pretty smart like that.

  13. You pretty much have me almost convinced that vampires are cooler than pirates. A hard thing to do. So, yeah, they can’t cancel the show because this is the first I’ve heard of it and now I NEED to watch it!

  14. We do take the blood, but only a little at a time so you don’t notice until you’re too weak to do anything about it and then we make you buy us houses and give us babies and stuff. We’re pretty smart like that.

    This made me scared.

  15. Rach- Bwahahahahah!

    Jim- Wait. What? THEY HAD WORDS ON THE SHOW TOO? I never even noticed…

    Megkathleen-Ooooo, pirates are pretty hot too. Not the Arrrggg peg leg kind but the dirty messy Johnny Depp kind. Oh. Yes.

    Chris- I was only kidding. We take more than just a little at a time. Why didn’t anyone comment on how hot Mick and I look together?

    JoeInVegas- I don’t know either.

  16. So what I’m understanding from this post is that you like Mick St. John? Like REALLY like him. Does your husband ever get jealous? Just wondering cause I have a thing for Batman – otherwise known as Christian Bale and I’m not sure how the boyfriend is going to take it.

  17. @Marie: I am hoping your bf is secure enough to know that Christian Bale poses no REAL and IMMEDIATE threat to him. If not, lose him. He’s trouble. Go for Batman instead. He’s not the jealous type.

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