Theme weeks are fun, Right!?
It’s so much easier for me to be picking a theme and going with it for the week than always having to come up with something random to talk about because as you know, I’m not very good at switching gears. After last week of trying new things I’ve run clean out of vodka and Klonopin and considering my anxiety issues and the fact that Lynne is not at work this week (!), I think I ought to just take a break from the new stuff and go back to my comforting old routines before I have to put my therapist on speed dial or I start peeing my pants again because Crissy is a creature of habit and does not take change well.
But DON’T WORRY because it won’t matter to you Internets since my daily routines have yet to be disclosed, so it’s all new stuff to you anyway. And I also think you’ll like it because I’m quite fascinating, really, and the stuff I do that I think of as normal and routine will freak your freak because it is so sexy and so glamorous you will be the one who needs the vodka and the Klonopin and not me at all.
So today I think we’ll talk about what Crissy does after work.
5:30 pm- Arrive home. Turn volume down on stereo as I am unable to pull car into the garage with the stereo on.
5:32 pm- Attempt to get through the door with 1 tote full of books, 1 lunchbox, 1 giant purse, 1 American Breast Cancer Society Travel mug, and 1 little dog scratching the shit out of my leg.
5:33 pm- kiss baby and husband hello and attempt to micromanage the dinner husband is making until I get yelled at and kicked out of the kitchen.
5:45 pm- Go upstairs to remove motherfucking torture device bra. Hate. bras. Damn you society for making me wear one!!!! Damn you all to hell!
6:00 pm- Eat dinner made by Mister if it’s a day I worked a full day.
6:30 pm- Clean up dinner.
6:45 pm- Say goodnight to baby and write blog post for next day while Daddy reads baby stories and puts her to Bedfordshire. He always does it because she only wants him and “not you mommy! “
7:20 pm- Go to bed and watch Inside Edition.
7:30 pm- Consider blogging about Inside Edition.
7:30.5 pm- Decide not to.
7:45 pm- Look at pile of books on my nightstand.
7:45.5- Feel overwhelmed by it.
7:45.8- Decide not to do that either.
8:00 pm- Put any one of my favorite movies into the DVD player:
Dude Where’s my whore?
An American in Panties
Who Fucked Roger Rabbit?
Rebel Without a Cock
Saving Ryan’s Privates
How Harry Fucked Sally
Last Dildo in Paris
How Green Was My Pussy?
The Pubic Enemy
The Harder They Cum
I usually either watch Ghost Hunters, The Deadliest Catch, Ugly Betty, Ghost Whisperer, or Moonlight and then I go to sleep.
(What? we only have basic cable OKAY?)
Except for on those special nights.
THEN I watch the porn.