Another thing that I promised myself I would try to do is to start seeing the value in other human beings by way of talking to them because everyone has something unique and important to offer if you just listen to what they have to say.
That’s not true.
But on the serious, and this may surprise you, Crissy is scared of people.
I’ve always been a very shy person and I’ve always felt like a big freak. Instead of playing with the other kids I spent my childhood summers playing alone in the attic with my Barbies, and now I do it in my back yard and it’s just got to stop. I do not like “dry” social events because I need my drinkies before I can talk to people or else I pee my pants and wind up in the fetal position on the floor of the coat closet.
And when we’re at the playground or something I sort of avoid the other parents and focus on Girlfriend. But that’s mostly because I’ve recently been the victim of some brutal snubbing by the mothers of Frumberland and I’m not interested in giving those cunts another opportunity to commit further cuntery. (That’s right. I said cunts and it’s okay because we took the word back and now it’s really good.) But I’ve been thinking that maybe they’re not all cunts. Maybe some of them are actually nice and I have no idea because I’m still working through my own petty trauma.
So I’m making a promise to myself and to the Internets that I will try to conquer my fear of people and become a social person.
What’s the worst thing that could happen?
Everyone could stare at me:
But so what. Let em’ look. I’m cute, right?
Instead of me going home and crying all afternoon like last time, Bitch Auntie could talk smack about my baby girl again and I’ll kick her in the fucking mouth.
And that would be a really, really good thing.
I could try to make small talk and say something incredibly stupid.
Or I might overshare a little bit.
Or accidentally say something depressing or creepy while trying to make conversation.
Maybe I’ll talk about myself too much and people will think I’m boring.
Or I might make an inappropriate suggestion.
But any of these things would be okay because at least I got in there and started talking to people WITHOUT THE USE OF KlONOPIN AND VODKA which are not appropriate treats to bring to the playground anyway.