Crissy’s Trying New Things Week!

Welcome party people! It’s Monday and the first day of Crissy’s Trying New Things Week!

Ya-ta-da-da!

I don’t know what’s up with me and the theme weeks lately, but I’m just going to ride it till’ the wheels fall off.

This week is going to be all about self-improvement by way of trying new things. Now I have what some people might call anxiety issues and so I hate. change. and I hate new things unless those new things involve clothes or shoes or bags or flavors of Sun Chips. And even then I get a little nervous and have to have a Klonopin or six or eight glass of wine to calm down. Needless to say, this week should be awkward and anxiety provoking for me, but entertaining as all get out for alla y’all as you watch me squirm and suffer.

The first thing I’ve tried so far this week is new music because lately I’ve been listening to a lot of sad FM for the over thirties. It’s embarrassing, really and one time my sister-in-law got into my car and discovered my dirty little Lite Rock 105 radio station secret. She gasped in horror and said “don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone” and quickly scanned for something more age appropriate. Thanks for keeping that shit on the dl, sista.

The coolest thing I have in my car right now is the new Fergie Cd and I didn’t know but everyone hates her so that does not make me cool after all. I’ve got Nelly Furtado’s Loose, and The Beastie Boys To the 5 Boroughs both of which I think might be moderately acceptable but then again I thought Fergie was, so obviously I’m confused about the whole cool, not cool thing. I have a little Gwen Stefani too. Did you know Julia Roberts is a huge fan of Gwen Stefani? Well, she is and so am I and I’m pretty sure that makes me best friends with Julia Roberts. (Call me Julia! We need a play date!) Oh, and I have Cake. They’re my favorite. Especially the song Satan is my Motor. Sasha makes me play that one a lot.

Now don’t judge me Internets.

I’ve been busy raising a baby, buying a house, holding down a job, entertaining you kind people and keeping a trucker happy. I have enough trouble staying awake to watch the delicious sexual tension between sexy, sexy, sexy vampire boy and human girl on Moonlight and that’s my favorite, so clearly I haven’t exactly been keeping up with what the kids are listening to these days.

But all of that is going to change because my new blog bff, Chris @ Surviving Myself volunteered to school me in the ways of hip hop. He made me a Cd that he promises will help me “become a person.” I’m certain it will improve my life in ways I never imagined, but I hope it doesn’t mean that I’m going to start wearing my pants really low and grabbing my crotch for emphasis. That’s not really behavior befitting a lady of such class and elegance as myself.

Shut up.

So far I like my new Cd a lot and I think it gives me a lot of street cred when I pull into work at the library and everyone can hear it. Librarians love hip hop and they’ve started calling me “homie” now, which I think is really sweet of them, and I’m sure the hip hop artists would be delighted to know that a white librarian from the suburbs is listening to their music on her way to work.

I’m sure of it.

My favorites on the Cd include The Glow by 50 cent (or is that fity cent? I’m never sure), Roc boys by Jay-Z, Surviving the Times by Nas, and You by Strange Fruit Project which I’m not surprised I like because Erykah Badu is involved and I think she’s so. cool. I totally want her hair.

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That would be mad sick, yo.

But I think I like Wouldn’t Get Far by The Game featuring Kayne West most of all. It’s about fucking rap stars and I’ve always wanted to fuck rap stars.

Not really.

Mister and Girlfriend liked it too, and I sent Chris a video of them dancing together over a couple slices of pizza. I understand the lyrics aren’t exactly what Family Services would call “appropriate” for children under 18, but Girlfriend wasn’t listening to the words, she was just shakin’ what I gave her.

So anyway the new music was a success and it was also a nice way to ease into the week as tomorrow my humiliation ramps ups a bit as I try to drive my husband’s car.

I can already feel the panic attack mounting.

Somebody find my fucking Klonopin!

Hurry!



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29 comments

  1. If you’re going to broaden your horizons, musically, you need to try out some metal; I suggest some Volta. A year ago I would have recommended Godsmack but they’re apparently taking a break or something. Check out System of a Down, I think they might have a new CD. Excellent when you’re in a kickass mood and feel like putting your foot through something or someone.

  2. Rock on Rocker! I am so glad that you are attempting new things…and then can pass them on to me so that I crawl out from under my un-adventurous music taste. (seriously–copy that cd & mail me one!)

    BTW–You are AFROTASTIC!

  3. lynne, i am proud of you for making such excellent and heavy suggestions. were you a rocker chick back in the day or what??

    by “Volta” you DO mean The Mars Volta, correct? i’ve seen them in concert and it was a very impressive show. luckily i have a couple of albums already if crissy wants to ante up.

    SOAD is also high on my list. i have the complete discography there, so she’s covered.

    i’ve been trying to broaden her horizons with some meshuggah but she seems unable to get past the fact that they are incredibly heavy and complex.

    if i remember correctly she did seem to like certain RATM songs, so maybe we’ll revisit that collection.

    i will have a talk with scooby tonight and make sure that he’s ready.

  4. Lynne- I knew my husband would be impressed with your musical suggestions! Maybe we can rock out together at lunch and, ya know, do a little head banging and smoke some weed on the grassy knoll under the tree. Or at the Senior Center. Your choice.

    Rach- The afro isn’t half bad on me is it?

    Neth- Ok. I’ve had all the exposure to your “angry young man” music I can take thank you, but I’ll let you know if I change my mind.

    PS: Your car is in for some major fuckage.

  5. I totally run to Fergie and Gwen Stefani. I hate it when people put down pop music. You know what? It serves a purpose. It makes you feel silly and giddy and silly. So what?

    Love your ‘fro, girl.

    I can’t wait for tomorrow’s try something new adventure!

  6. If you’re a real friend, you’re going to make me a copy of that CD and pay it forward. Because, girrrrrrrl, while I may listen to a little more Top 40 and a little less Lite than you, I still need to be schooled on what’s too cool for school. And it’s no surprise I’m looking to you for this lesson. C’mon, throw this girl a bone!

  7. PS – How could I tout my wedding to be the party of the year without an open bar. What kind of question is that? Of course it’s an open bar, complete with soda, coffee and tea for all. Duh!

  8. I say listen to whatever you want (even Fergie)! But if you do want some suggestions (or not) here are some of my favs-
    -Radiohead’s “House of Cards”
    -Kanye West’s “Stronger”
    -Foo Fighters’ “Cheer Up, Boys”
    -Beck’s “Girl”

    Ok, I could go on and on but I shan’t (don’t want to create an actual post on your blog)!

  9. I am in full support of “trying new things week”

    Have you ever tried “Asian” yet?

    My calendar is open…

  10. I love to try new things! As long as I can do it the same way I did before. Oh, wait…

    Musical suggestions? As you already know, I was fascinated for hours last night by the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain. Be warned — if you are caught listening to it in the parking lot at work you will destroy all your hard earned street cred. Unless you are trying to impress the NPR crowd.

    Thanks for your comments, btw. I will be stopping by here frequently because you are just plain ol’ hilarious. I read your posts and think, “Da-yum! Crissy and I need to get together for a beer. And cheese fries.”

  11. I’m so proud of you for trying new things!

    HOWEVER, (and I love our Chris but his music taste is sometimes questionable – sorry Chris!), I am the one you should be talking to about music advice. I have the good taste in music which I got by dating men who have good taste in music because I am a woman and that is how we LEARN. By pleasing men.

    Anywho…let me make you a mixed tape cd!

  12. Melissa-that’s exactly why I like them too. The music is cheerful and it says nothing and it just puts you in your happy girl place. And Cake has been my absolute favorite for years too. They’re brilliant. You and I could have one killer dance party.

    Nilsa- I will make you a copy and bring it to the wedding where I will kidnap your DJ and throw him/her in the closet and make it a hip hop wedding. And what was I thinking. Of course you’re having an open bar!

    Marie- It’s all good. I need all the suggestions I can get!

    Aznman- Ha, ha, ha, ha! I think that’s my favorite comment ever! Unless you’re serious, in which case I didn’t mean to laugh at your offer.

    Dingo- You’re on, my friend. I love beer and cheese fries!!!!!

    Kiala- I’m going to hold you to that! I’m so excited! I’ll email you my address and then incessantly nag you until you mail me my new Cd. Because that’s how we women get things done. We nag and we promise blow jobs that never happen.

  13. Kiala- I’ll email you my address right now. And I love Klonopin except you cannot take it at a wedding and then drink vodka tonics.

    Chris- Thank you, and don’t worry. 50 is coming over to my place later on tonight. You missed a lot over the weekend.

    Dingo- I’ll check it when I get home! Thank you!

  14. As I was searching the web for klonopin and satan, I came upon your website. Love it! You’re in my newsfeed as of right now!

    I hope that the new things that you try this week go with your new music (which is excellent, BTW). So, think piercings, tats, popping a few caps into the 5 0, and keeping several truckers happy while earning some bills. A shiny grill would look sweet with that ‘fro,too.

  15. Aznman- You are pretty special. I don’t “Henry” just anybody.

    stoogepie- Thanks for stopping in! Um, would it be rude for me to ask why you were searching for klonopin and satan? Are you planning a party?

  16. Klonopin and satan? Well, it is Cinco de Mayo! It can’t all be about porn and tacos. Also, I am at work so I have to be careful about my search terms.

  17. If you want a mix cd of Sarah McLachlan and Avril Lavigne, I’m your man.

    Actually pretend I didn’t write that last sentence.

  18. I gave up on being cool. O found it was better to have taste than follow what the kids are into these days. I even realized last night at a concert that I really am turning into a crotchety old fart who yells about those damn kids.

  19. stoogepie-Ok, so you ARE planning a party.

    rs27- Wait. What? I thought you were a dude!

    Aznman- Consider yourself “henried” right now.

    Jim- I was never cool, but it’s never too late to try. And I get all annoyed at the damn kids too.

    Arielle- I have no clue what my husband listens to either. It’s all crap to me so I just tune it out. And uh, Mambo No.5 Lou Bega? Wow.

  20. Yeah…I pretty much only listen to depressing music. I like to Exacerbate my anxiety. Maybe Chris should make ME a CD. Or not…I am easily persuaded and I don’t want to go around trying to fuck rapstars.

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