Welcome party people! It’s Monday and the first day of Crissy’s Trying New Things Week!
I don’t know what’s up with me and the theme weeks lately, but I’m just going to ride it till’ the wheels fall off.
This week is going to be all about self-improvement by way of trying new things. Now I have what some people might call anxiety issues and so I hate. change. and I hate new things unless those new things involve clothes or shoes or bags or flavors of Sun Chips. And even then I get a little nervous and have to have a Klonopin or six or eight glass of wine to calm down. Needless to say, this week should be awkward and anxiety provoking for me, but entertaining as all get out for alla y’all as you watch me squirm and suffer.
The first thing I’ve tried so far this week is new music because lately I’ve been listening to a lot of sad FM for the over thirties. It’s embarrassing, really and one time my sister-in-law got into my car and discovered my dirty little Lite Rock 105 radio station secret. She gasped in horror and said “don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone” and quickly scanned for something more age appropriate. Thanks for keeping that shit on the dl, sista.
The coolest thing I have in my car right now is the new Fergie Cd and I didn’t know but everyone hates her so that does not make me cool after all. I’ve got Nelly Furtado’s Loose, and The Beastie Boys To the 5 Boroughs both of which I think might be moderately acceptable but then again I thought Fergie was, so obviously I’m confused about the whole cool, not cool thing. I have a little Gwen Stefani too. Did you know Julia Roberts is a huge fan of Gwen Stefani? Well, she is and so am I and I’m pretty sure that makes me best friends with Julia Roberts. (Call me Julia! We need a play date!) Oh, and I have Cake. They’re my favorite. Especially the song Satan is my Motor. Sasha makes me play that one a lot.
Now don’t judge me Internets.
I’ve been busy raising a baby, buying a house, holding down a job, entertaining you kind people and keeping a trucker happy. I have enough trouble staying awake to watch the delicious sexual tension between sexy, sexy, sexy vampire boy and human girl on Moonlight and that’s my favorite, so clearly I haven’t exactly been keeping up with what the kids are listening to these days.
But all of that is going to change because my new blog bff, Chris @ Surviving Myself volunteered to school me in the ways of hip hop. He made me a Cd that he promises will help me “become a person.” I’m certain it will improve my life in ways I never imagined, but I hope it doesn’t mean that I’m going to start wearing my pants really low and grabbing my crotch for emphasis. That’s not really behavior befitting a lady of such class and elegance as myself.
So far I like my new Cd a lot and I think it gives me a lot of street cred when I pull into work at the library and everyone can hear it. Librarians love hip hop and they’ve started calling me “homie” now, which I think is really sweet of them, and I’m sure the hip hop artists would be delighted to know that a white librarian from the suburbs is listening to their music on her way to work.
I’m sure of it.
My favorites on the Cd include The Glow by 50 cent (or is that fity cent? I’m never sure), Roc boys by Jay-Z, Surviving the Times by Nas, and You by Strange Fruit Project which I’m not surprised I like because Erykah Badu is involved and I think she’s so. cool. I totally want her hair.
That would be mad sick, yo.
But I think I like Wouldn’t Get Far by The Game featuring Kayne West most of all. It’s about fucking rap stars and I’ve always wanted to fuck rap stars.
Mister and Girlfriend liked it too, and I sent Chris a video of them dancing together over a couple slices of pizza. I understand the lyrics aren’t exactly what Family Services would call “appropriate” for children under 18, but Girlfriend wasn’t listening to the words, she was just shakin’ what I gave her.
So anyway the new music was a success and it was also a nice way to ease into the week as tomorrow my humiliation ramps ups a bit as I try to drive my husband’s car.
I can already feel the panic attack mounting.
Somebody find my fucking Klonopin!