Born To Be WILD

You’re not even going to believe it, but I had a life this weekend again!

That makes 2 weekends in a row and if this keeps up I’m going to have to change my name from Crissy to Crissy Gone Wild and I’ll have to start ripping my shirt off, showing my thong, and making out with my friends at the slightest provocation.

Because that’s what people with exciting lives do.

I think. I have no idea, really.

Any-who, I don’t know if I ever mentioned that I hang around with boys a lot, but I do.

A lot.

All of my lady friends live in prohibitively distant parts of the country (ahem Valerie, ahem Rachel), or they have nursing jobs (Kendra) and work fucked up hours, or they’re just not cool enough to come over and drink tequila do scrapbooking projects with me.

Whatever, but because of all this time spent with boys, I’m becoming a course woman.

I bought myself a scoot.

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Not really, but don’t I look like I’ve been riding all my life?

Thought so.

And I’ve taken up skateboarding.

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And fighting with boys about whose turn it is to use the skateboard.

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Pay particular attention to our crappy looking back step area. It’s about to undergo a magical transformation of deckery and flowerishness that will make you weep because you live inside my computer and not on my new deck.

And then on Saturday, we dropped Girlfriend off with my ma and went to Thayer Street.

I love Thayer Street. I once bought 4 hits of acid and a dime bag a really funky necklace from a Rasta guy right in front of Store 24. Thayer is right near the Brown University and RISD campuses and so you get a very interesting mix of people. Basically it’s where rich kids from Brown and RISD art freaks collide. It’s also where the poor hang out spare changing people, but I usually just spit my gum into their cups and shout “get a job asshole!”

They love that.

On the way there, we saw this:

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when you see people dressed this way on a 75 degree day, you know you’re getting close to Thayer. Not seen in the picture are the black vinyl pants she was wearing under the cape. I’m sure she smelled fresh as a daisy after wearing that get up on such a warm day.

Just sayin’.

Here’s Thayer.

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Parking anywhere near Thayer is a pain and I was very lucky to find a place where I didn’t have to parallel park because I don’t know how to do that because everywhere I go has valet.

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Sasha should be safe here for a bit.

(If you can name the movie where the valet comment came from, consider yourself high fived)

We had an awesome lunch outside at Paragon.

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This is not lunch but a gratuitous picture of me at lunch.

Here’s my husband and my husband’s lunch.

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I had salad and Diet Coke and he had beef and chicken satay with a Harpoon.

After lunch we went shopping at Zu Zu’s Petals and spent $140 on a simple cotton dress.

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Because that’s what you do at Zu Zu’s Petals. You buy things because they are pretty and because they accept Visa.

Why in the name of Jesus are the keys always on the bottom of my purse?

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They really need to put lights inside purses. Or they should line them in white so you can see in there.

And then Sunday we packed a picnic lunch and went to the park.

I alternated between marching in place

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and just looking bitchy.

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Daddy and baby and doggie.

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And then we walked over to the ice cream place.

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Keep eating ice cream and people at the beach will try to drag you back into the ocean, asshole.

I’m going to quit eating. Full stop.

Tomorrow.

I’m serious.   I think I’m behaving quite nicely but the number on the scale keeps climbing, so I must be doing something very wrong somewhere. So in an attempt to end the food and booze jackassery I’m going to report to you Internets, Bridget Jones style, how many calories I consumed, how many cocktails I had and how much exercise I got on the previous day.  I expect harsh chastisement for naughty behavior.  I know I can count on you.

Anyway, Happy Monday people!

PS: If you’d like to see more pictures of Thayer Street and learn how to make a ghetto see saw using an old splintery board and a propane tank, go visit my husband’s new photo-blog.

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20 comments

  1. OMG–I miss you! I can taste the cosmos at Paragon and feel the freaks walking by as we sample everything deep fried with cheese…I mean delicious salads.

    I love that you are able to skate and fight without spilling a drop of that delicious drink! Bren’s such a pussy (JK!)

    And SERIOUSLY! All people that wear capes are suspect…especially ladies that look like dudes.

    As for the diet, I’ve talked to my ass, and although it does love it’s cushiony exterior, we will support you with yoga and calorie reduction…albeit from far away. Does this mean we have to start scrapping now that we’re not too drunk, I mean BUSY, to hold scissors?

    ps.: Ken, LOVE the hair–you may love hot moms (thanks!) but I love a well manscaped Dad.

    pps.: tried to read Ken’s blog, all that photographic mumbo-jumbo made my eyes cross!

  2. Rach- I didn’t have a cosmo. It would have made me too sad.

    Bren is getting soft. It must be all the pudding.

    The girl was highly, highly suspect.

    Join me in my fight against food and alcohol jackassery. We can be accountable to each other.

    I had him cut his hair. Turns out Kenneth Gilbert cannot transform into Alex O’Laughlin. huh.

    I know. He’s such a geek.

  3. CLUELESS! I love that movie. This made me homesick for downtown Portland, and there it’s Giselle’s for the $140 pretty dress. Natural is expensive.

  4. Denise- You guessed it! Hooray! It’s one of my favorite movies ever. You and I can be friends because we both know what it’s like for people to be jealous of us.

  5. Melissa- That t-shirt is his very special shirt to wear when he goes to the playground. He thinks he might get lucky if he wears it. It came from Target of all places. And yes. Leather pants + vagina = yeasties for sure.

  6. I second Melissa’s comment – LOVE your husband’s t-shirt. Now, if only you shared a picture of that pricey dress you bought, maybe I’d give you some bloggy love, too. If it makes you feel any better, I bought myself a pair of stylish (ha) green city kickers for $70 over the weekend. Though, when I added in a rad hat to the mix, my total soared over $100. WTF, people?!

  7. Thayer street is awesome….but what is more awesome is your husband’s t-shirt. like i want to borrow it to wear to the lesbian club sometime. i bet i would get such a hot girl that way.

  8. Nilsa- I will certainly model my new dress. Stuff adds up quickly doesn’t it? Sigh…I love shopping.

    Ashley- The shirt came from Target last year, and I think you need to find one! You’d be the belle of the ball sporting that bad boy at the club!

  9. Chris- I did! I took a picture of her and made fun of her outfit on the internet. That’s the worst thing you can do to a girl.

    Neth- I think we need to start making them for people. Fuck the dumb shit, hot mom shirts are where it’s at! Maybe we could make one for Bren that says I heart Cougars. Just something to consider.

  10. Can I please join your calorie defecit and booze cutdownishness? Because although I just had unsweetened green tea frozen yogurt and a diet coke for lunch, I also had about 50 tortilla chips with guacamole and salsa as a mid morning hangover snack.

    This is a cry for help, please.

  11. Lynne- I think you just sort of stumble over them. Either that or you have to show your boobs to a lot of people.

    Meg- “One hand for the board, one hand for the drink” is my motto.

    Kiala- Fuck Weight Watchers! You can consider my comments section to be a confessional until we are both thin and gorgeous! I’m glad for the company.

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