The Biggest Pussy Ever

Isn’t mine an exceptionally large and beautiful pussy?

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Don’t you just want to touch it?

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I call it Benny.

AKA, The Benster, Sir Benevere, Big Guy, Big Boy, Big Buddy, Big Ben, Big Man, Big Kitty, Mr. Big, b-b-b-Benny and the Jets, Pussy Galore, Asshole, Benjamin J. Kitty, Kitty Boy, Wookie Boy, The Boss Man, Benito and Big Pussy.

Benny’s hobbies include eating copious amounts of Iams for Weight Control cat chow, sleeping, pooping, sleeping, talking smack to the neighbor’s cat through the window, sleeping, shedding alloverthefuckingplace, sleeping, chewing up my houseplants, eating anything that is ribbon or ribbon-like and costing us thousands in vet surgery bills to remove it from his enormous digestive system, and sleeping.

Impressive isn’t he?

And don’t worry.

It’s not Crissy’s Cat Week.

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24 comments

  1. You completely forgot to mention his obsessive love of all things ribbon…and it’s true, you do have the biggest pussy ever.

  2. i’m a sucker for blond pussies.

    besides, he may not have his balls anymore (they were cut off after he fucked his sister), but at least he’s got a penis. we penis-owners have to stick together.

    lynne, i believe he weighs in at 22 lbs or so. he’s very self-conscious of his weight and avoids the scale like the plague, so it’s been a while.

  3. Now that is one big fucking cat. I showed the pictures to the Queen of the Geeks and she said it is a breed called Norwegian forest cats and that they get bigger than that. Viking warrior kitties.

  4. Lynne- The poor kitty has been on a diet for 4 years and hasn’t lost an ounce. I think that’s something everyone can relate to.

    Neth-You know how he hate is when you mention that whole thing with his sister, Joon. He was drunk. He didn’t know what he was doing!

    Ashley- The vet calls him “severely obese.” I think next time we go I’m going to say to them “No. He’s not obese. He’s just in a league of his own. And he’s sensitive, so shut up.”

    Nilsa-Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! And I love you for the tiny comment.

    Jim- He’ll be so excited when I tell him there’s actually an official breed for him!

  5. Denise- He could totally kick my ass. I’m actually a little scared of him.

    Kiala- I would, but I think the video my husband just posted covers everything. I can’t think of a single thing more.

    Chris- Yes and he’s sensitive about it. It’s like the elephant in the room. No one talks about it, but it’s there baby. It’s there.

    Neth- Holy crap! That was sooooo funny! How much did those cats look like Benny, Joon, and Fluffy Cat? And um, where the hell do you find these videos?

  6. OMG! Remember Fluffy…the lion cut version? I have never personally witnessed an animal being embarrassed before that.

    Marathon lounging? floral arrangement regurgitation? grown men making their cats tap dance? Cat motivation problems? Hilarious.

    And did you see HOW MUCH peanut butter and jelly these guys have???

  7. oh…and please don’t bend to Kiala. Please no Crissy cat week…watching Benny lounge and lament his ball augmentation for a solid week might put me over the edge–I might be forced to send a lovely ribbon arrangement to him.

  8. Good lord – Crissy you’re not supposed to feed your cat butter! 

    Although, it does look like Pussy Galore would be nice to cuddle with – he’s probably as good as an electric blanket.

  9. Rach- Again!  You remember more about my pets than I do.  I forgot about the lion cut incident.  Fluffy Cat was so not fluffy after that one!  I think you secretly like cats, btw.   And I think you secretly want  it to  be  Crissy’s Cat Week.

    Meg- I know, but he likes it.  And he is very warm.  He sleeps on my head.

     

     

     

     

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