Crissy Drives Like the Wind

Have I ever told you how much I love my car?

Her name is Sasha, (Yeah. I named my car. Lots of people do it. It’s normal, OKAY?) and she’s black and she’s born from jets (or at least that what her manufacturer wants us to believe). I think it’s true because Sasha screws.

And our favorite thing to do when we’re alone together is drive like the wind, sing songs and dance, dance, dance.

And I don’t care if people stare at us at red lights. It only encourages us because then we have an audience and we can really show our stuff. One time a guy pulled up next to us at a light, and was staring and laughing at our dancing, and so we rolled down the window, and turned up the volume so he could hear better, and then we sang right to him. And then when the light turned green, we drove away like nothing had happened.

But sometimes other drivers get in our way and make us angry and we’re forced to shout at them and say some very Un-Christian things, and thank goodness we’re not Christians because then Jesus would be very upset with us.

A lot.

And we’ve found that we cannot rock out properly when we have a passenger. This is particularly true when that passenger happens to be the sort of asshole who would turn down Sasha’s volume when we’re not looking, thereby catching us singing loudly and badly. That’s the only negative as far as we can see.

And did you know that when I sing I sound exactly like Madonna, and Mariah, and Joss Stone? I do. I am really, very talented. But I have to have keep Sasha’s stereo volume way up, because it ruins the song if I can hear myself singing because I’m a much better singer than they are and it makes me feel guilty and really very sorry for them. That’s another bad thing about it I suppose because Sasha isn’t a very good singer and I feel bad about that too.

Anyway, here.

We made a video for you.

I had to lip sync the whole thing because you Internets probably would have turned the volume down on me and my melodious voice would have exposed Madonna for the true fraud that she is.

What do you dance to in the car?

Don’t pretend you don’t do it.

Crissy may be silly, but she’s not stupid.

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  1. I named my truck Roada. We listen to Corrine Bailey Rae’s Girl put your records on, and sometimes secretly I borrow my kids Kelly Clarkson CD

  2. one time on my way home from work, i was at a stop light belting out Love Shack and suddenly realized that the guy in the truck next to me was DOUBLED over hysterically laughing. it did not stop me from singing, however.

  3. Rach-Um, yeah.

    Nilsa- I live under a rock and haven’t heard it yet. I’m a loser.

    Denise-I’ve been known to rock out with CBR too. Of course, I’m a better singer than she is, but I don’t mind.

    Neth-It’s not for amatures.

    Ashley- Love! Shack! Baby!

  4. Our vehicles used to be named Fred and Ethel. But Fred was old and busted, so we had to replace him with Little Ricky.

    And I’m not allowed to sing in the car, at least not when my daughter’s in the backseat. She might only be 4, but she knows bad music when she hears it.

  5. Kiala- There was a part on the video where I flip someone off and never stop singing. It had to be cut because it the video was too long. It broke my heart.

    Justin- My daughter doesn’t allow me to sing either. She says “mommy, please stop singing. It makes my stomach hurt.” I feel your pain, my friend.

    Jim-I can imagine sports talk radio might get a person sufficiently fired up for a potential road rage situation.

    Chris- obviously.

  6. My car’s name is Tallulah and she is a Southern Belle. I sing extremely loud and when I don’t know the words I just insert swear words.

    Absolutely hilarious video, but not that song will be stuck in my head for the next 5 years.

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