What would Crissy’s Penis Week be if we didn’t cover all the fun little euphemisms we have for it? I don’t really know either, but it wouldn’t be a very good Crissy’s Penis Week now would it?
Okay, so here goes and I didn’t cheat by going online to look them up, but I was tempted, very tempted:
First we have dirty, dirty ones:
(seriously, that’s all I can think of for dirty ones. You never hear a porn actress say “I want to suck your wee-wee.” It’s always “cock” this and “cock” that. Right?)
Ones that are also people’s names:
I once had a college professor named Peter Johnson
Long Duck Dong (a high five to the first person to guess what movie that’s from)
Dick Weiner is the Dean of Arts and Sciences at the college where my husband works:
(he’s actually a VERY nice guy with a real bummer of a name.)
Peanut butter (is what my brother called it when he was little because he couldn’t pronounce penis. Once he zipped his peanut butter into his footie pj’s There’s Something About Mary style. Poor little guy.)
Frank and beans
Things found at the Home Depot:
Stuff I think people I know made up:
Schletz- I’ve only heard my mom say this one so I think she made it up. I’m not sure.
El Tutubo- That one’s Bren’s.
From the animal kingdom:
Jake the one eyed snake
Ones I don’t understand the origins of:
Schlong- What is that? Jewish? And is it related in any way to schlamiel or schlamazel?
Disgusting ones that make we want to play for the other team:
The Bolonga Pony
* notice they’re all food related. You’ll never catch me with a can of whipped cream in my bed. ‘Nuff said.
Ones that sound painful:
The stuff from which legends are made:
Hammer of Thor
The Bald Avenger
….and I’m spent!
Tell me which ones I’m missing. There’s like, a million!