The Word On The Street

Yesterday I was feeling very hormonal and lachrymose.

My kid woke up at 3 am. She went back to sleep, but I was up listening to the neighbor’s asshole dog barking.

And then the morning news got me all fired up.

Can I just ask one question? Why in the name of Jesus do reporters always choose the biggest douche-bag on the street to interview? I think it’s just a severe lack of intelligent people out there because 90% of the population is a potential guest on Springer.

Makes me nervous.

I mean, what if aliens are watching the news and/or Jerry Springer and now they think all humans are loud, fat, toothless, sister-fucking retards?

Hell, we’re ripe for them to come and take the fuck over. And if they do come, most people would probably not even care as long as satellite service isn’t affected. They’d fart, reach for another bag of Doritos, and just change the channel on the tee-vee.

These are the thoughts I have before my coffee.

Shut up.

Anyway, on Channel 10 yesterday morning, they interviewed the mother and friends of a drunken 14 year old boy who was killed when he smashed his mother’s mini-van into a telephone pole one year ago. But the “tragedy” didn’t stop there. When friends gathered at the scene of the accident that same night, a second kid was struck and also killed. I don’t know if the driver of that car was drunk or not, but he prolly was .

When interviewed by our cracker-jack ass monkey reporter, the mother of the 14 year old was quoted as having said that “no mother should have to go get a tattoo of her dead child on her arm” (Yes. Right. Exactly. What a shame. We should change that mourning ritual…What!) and then they showed her large, sausage-like arm with a big ol’ black and white portrait of the boy and the name DARIAN or DARIUS or some fucking thing written in fancy letters below the picture.

And the reporter is all like, talking about what a tragedy this is and how young lives were wasted because of the dangers of teenage drinking, yada, yada, yada. And then they show a bunch of teenagers just a booin’ and a hooin’ hugging fuckin’ teddy bears and Jesus candles and shit all standing around a telephone pole slurring the words to Amazing Grace.

What. Ever.

I want to know what the fuck the mother was doing when her kid was getting bombalooed and driving her car!

We’re lucky he only killed himself!

But now we should feel very sorry for the mother.

AND THEN! They interviewed a 16 year old friend of the boy who had this to say about the candlelight telephone pole ceremony that was held in his memory: “I woulda come, but I was out drinkin’.”

The aliens are coming people.

We’re fucked.

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13 comments

  1. that kid did not really say that did he??? That’s fucking crazy.

    I’m gonna get a tattoo of your blog on my neck. It’ll be pretty cool.

    I swear.

  2. No mother should have to have her son’s likeness tatooed on her arm???? …. how about no mother should be so busy watching Flavor of Love that she doesn’t even know her son is out in her van, drunk or not! People who think that watching their kids ends when they’re no longer toddlers have a big wake up call because teenagers have to be watched MORE than toddlers. Trust me.

  3. Neth- You have no faith in the human race and you know it.

    Chris-Actually, it was a girl and she really did say that. If you tattoo my blog on your neck, I’ll tattoo yours…on my bum. Since you like it so much.

    Lynne-There is no sense of parental responsibility anymore and it drives me insane! That’s why I changed my mind about teaching. I don’t want to be parenting these kids!

  4. Aw shucks Miss Kristen, that sounded a little like one of my rants. I love it! Now that I am too tired to do anything but point and click to get to your page, it warms every cockle in my heart to know that my (evil & slightly melodramatic) thoughts are at least being channeled to you even if we aren’t speaking 30 times a day anymore. Missing you!

  5. oh we are fucked big time. i think this every time i visit an amusement park and people watch and think to myself – THIS is the population of america? this is a represenation, right here in this park, of what americans are like. we are screwed.

  6. Chris-deal.

    Rach- I didn’t really think it was like your post. You wrote about tattoos. I wrote about stupid people, bad news reporting, and parental responsibility. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned the tattoos at all? Sorry for stepping on your toes?

    Ashley- I cannot people watch. It makes me too scared to leave the house.

  7. The problem with douche bags is that there are so many. It is harder to find a non-douche bag.

    Really the news story is just yet further evidence we have stamped out evolution and the fittest are outnumbered by those afflicted with reverse evolution.

  8. oh–you completely misunderstood! I just meant our conversations and ranting about life in general…for real ranting–not blog at all. Just missin’ talkin’ to you!

  9. Jim- I can walk into a room,any room and immediately look around and say “douche bag, asshole, bitch, loser…etc.” I hate most everybody.

    Rach- It must be the hormones. Clouds the thinking. I miss you too.

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