Has someone ever asked you to hand them a pair of scissors and you get a sudden urge to, like, jam the scissors right into their eye socket?
You don’t do it of course, but you think about it.
Or is it just me?
I have the most horrifying thoughts sometimes.
When I’m talking to my boss for example, in my head I’m wondering what would happen if I jumped out of my chair, dropped my pants, and shoved a water bottle up my ass.
What would happen? Would she shriek and run away? Would she stare, agog? Would she laugh? Would she call the police? Would I be fired?
I don’t know! And it drives me nuts!
I can predict what she might do, sure. But that’s not good enough.
And then I get all worked up because I’m scared that I might lose control of myself and actually DO IT.
And I start getting a little sweaty as the anxiety builds.
And it starts to pool up in my butt crack.
So while my boss is talking about whatever, I’m not listening to her at all because I’m thinking “No. Don’t do it. Don’t pull your pants down and stick a water bottle up your ass! Whatevayado! Don’t. Do. That.”
And when I’m holding a machete, I have an urge to chop it into my arm.
When I look over a high balcony, I consider jumping.
Or when I’m driving, I want to swerve into oncoming traffic.
And I swear to Jesus I’m not suicidal or anything, I just want to know what would happen next.
You think some crazy shit sometimes too.
I know it.