How You’re Finding Me in Google Searches

and what that says about you horrifies me just a little bit. 

Barnyard fuckers: That almost never happens here. 

Crissy from Rhode Island:  Great.  Now I’m going to have the fucking paparazzi following me around Target watching me buy superflow tampons and vagi cream. 

Butt-hole bleach, How to bleach your butt hole, Ass bleach: Despite my objections to this product, had I known this was such a hot topic I would have done a video demonstration for you.  Not really. 

Hershey Kiss Weight Watcher Points: There are 3 w.w. points in one serving of kisses.  Quit asking.

Stake and blow job night:  Okay, I understand that not everyone was an English major in college or even a graduate of grade 3, so here’s your tutorial:  it’s steak with an E if you’re eating it.  A stake with an A is what Buffy the Vampire Slayer carries around with her to help her kill vampires and stuff.  Totally different kind of evening… just sayin’.

Friends fucking my drung mother: I don’t have any friends and my mother doesn’t drung. 

Shat her panties: This is what will go on my gravestone.  Fantastic.

Sold her panties: Again with the panties.  I’m going to have to stop wearing them.

SUPER FUCK: Well, I like to think so. And I must say I’m flattered by your enthusiasm!

Rachel Ray Smokes: And that’s why I like her now.

Chanel Motorcycle Helmet:  Paris Hilton is that you? I notice you didn’t bother to leave a comment though.  Whore. I hope you crash your motorcycle and die.

Jesus yoga: Salvation Rotation and Mighty Disciple are my favorite poses. Thanks Jesus!

Anywho…there’s a bunch more, but I’m getting bored now. 

I don’t think I want to leave my house anymore.  

Some of you internetatrons are freakin’ me out.

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