Pussy Balloons, Whoopie Cushions, and a Girl Named Cya

Eva wagge ub an yre still drung a lil bit? Thas me aday. I needed a hav bregfas an a bodle a ibuprophenenen an I feld much bedda…sweardagod.

We had a surprise birthday party for my sister-in-law last night. She’s 30 now. That makes her old. I would have told you about it, but it was a surprise (duh).

Here are pictures to make you sad that you weren’t invited.

-OR- they could make you really happy, like, depending on if your were there and stuff.

Work it baby! Work it! Own it! Didn’t I look hot last night?

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Here’s Cya pretending she’s surprised even though

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GREG!!

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told her about the party. It’s cool Greg. We forgive you.

Cya farts sometimes.

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Especially when she’s sitting on the whoopie cushion she got for her birthday.

This is Paul. He does not like Cya’s farting. He wants her ass to be quiet. (click on the picture and he’ll do a trick!)

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He looks really, really scary, but he’s quite nice actually. As is his adorable gf, Jess.

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This is A-leen pronounced Uh-leen or is it the other way? I can’t remember. She reminded me of Jeannine Garofalo. At one point I wound up driving her car around my neighborhood. By myself. Just me and her Corolla. I’m like 90% sure I didn’t hit anything. It’s kind of hard to tell because I didn’t have the headlights turned on. A-leen/Uh-leen, I think my neighbor’s cat might be wedged under your bumper. You might want to check.

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Here’s Shayna, she has some cool Hello Kitty tatoos.

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Kendra and I rockin’ some sassy black V-neck sweaters. Boo-ya!

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Opening my second gigantor bottle of Savi Blanc. That would explain why I stood naked in my closet for 10 minutes this morning before I remembered I was in there to put clothes on.

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Kickin’ back to watch a little of Kathy’s Allegedly video.

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Karen looked like this in the 80’s:

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But now she looks super cute with her bf, Peter.

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Shrimp is my favorite.

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Party people

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Leeeeooooo! I love Leo. He does my hair. Well, he used to, and he’s going to again. He has a nice bum. Don’t tell him I said that though. I’d be really embarrassed if he knew I thought so. I think he’s single. I can give you his number if you want.

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This is what pretty people look like when they’re at a party.

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Ice cream cake fuckin’ rocks! I actually put my wine down (first time for everything!) to eat it. I was so happy and then a little bit of pee came out.

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This was me last night.

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This is me this morning.

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This is somebody’s lip gloss I found in the upstairs bathroom this morning. As far as I can tell, there must have been a gloss emergency that could not wait until the downstairs potty was free.

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This is the difference between the aftermath of a party when you’re 20, and when you’re 30:

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Someone forgot their pussy balloon.

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“Fuck Off Neth Cya. Greg Dolan will fix your door tomorrow.” Poor Greg had an unfortunate incident with our door. I’m sure he’s on his way over to fix it right now.

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You can’t really tell from this picture, but we totally scored on the leftover booze.

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We went out for breakfast.

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I like tomato juice.

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Dr. Oz says eggs are good for a hangover.

I say “not spending the night drinking like an asshole” is even better for a hangover.

There’s a link to the rest of the pictures on the way just as soon as I can get the shit to work. Check back. Don’t give up on me!

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8 comments

  1. WOW–wish I was there just for the balloons & gloss! As for your morning photos…Loving you, is easy ’cause you’re beautiful…do do do do dooooo–AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

    Happy Birthday Cya!

  2. Rach–those morning photos are proof positive that if you ever stop selling Mary Kay I’m going to have to find myself a new bff. Perhaps that cute little gay guy at the Clinique counter…not that I’ve ever been.

    Neth-you and Karen were totally fabulous back then, and you’re totally fabulous now.

    aznman–I know how you feel about the 80’s music…we had cupcakes too. Chocolate ones.

  3. wow – you’re blog is sooooo much cooler than mine. First of all, you’ve redecorated, and second of all – the pictures thing is awesome.

    also, 80’s music + wine = fun times.

    i must have lost my invitation in the mail. Right?

    Right???

  4. it will happen…
    people will get the link right after i stab my boss. he is a bonafine ass today. i dont know why he picked today to criticize what i consider to be productive.
    that was the best party ive ever had, neck and neck with my 10th, which was at United Skates of America and the big dinosaur gave me a high five! thank you neth and kristen and everyone else for showing up. And thanks for knowing that eventhough i suck at being a “connected” friend i still think of you all as close friends! oh and its A-leen!

  5. Chris-Holy shit! Your invitation DID get lost! I was so pissed at you for not showing up that I fucking ATE YOUR CUPCAKE! AND I didn’t play any GNR tunes the whole night just to punish you. Sorry.

    C’s- I’m glad you had fun. We had tough competition with the high 5-in’ dino, but we did ok I guess. I hope A-leen doesn’t hate me.

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