Ever have a day where you swear that if you could just have a martini with breakfast you’d be able to think straight?
That’s where we’re at today.
My daughter’s first visit to the snotty preschool we’re trying to get her into went well on Tuesday. She might actually stand a shot at getting in as she did not, as I feared she might, employ any of her preferred parental humiliation tactics such as…
- Spitting at the principal and calling him “stupid!”
- Diving under a table and shouting “No! I’ll never do it! Never! Never!”
- Shitting her pants.
- Dropping an f-bomb (which she’s never done, but I’m waiting for it).
While she was well behaved, her mother looked like a moron when talking to the principal. He started telling me about Piaget and how his theories on brain development impact their preschool program. I know exactly who Piaget is, but was unable to communicate intelligently on the topic due to my fear that I would sound stupid. And so I sounded stupid. Had I had a martini before we went we could have really Piaget-ed it up. I’ll know for next time.
In other news, I stepped in a deceptively deep puddle and soaked my right shoe on Wednesday. I sat for 8 hours with one wet foot. Thanks puddle (douche).
In happier news, my friend Valerie had a baby at midnight on Wednesday. A 7lb, 14oz boy named Alexander David. Welcome to the world little guy!
You no longer have to hide in my bushes to get a picture of me. I’ve added some to the “about” section. If you tell me how gorgeous I am, I’ll send you an autographed copy of one.
Last night while turned off and sitting on my kitchen counter, my cell phone, unbeknownst to me, turned itself on (!) and dialed random people thereby leaving them privy to our dinner conversation. I feel violated. Clearly the fucking thing is possessed.
My friend Rachel over at Get Your Freak On and I are going to try to win tickets to see and meet Kathy Griffin, comedic goddess, by doing something ridiculous to get her attention. Check back as I’m sure one or the both of us will be posting our antics on our blogs.
Anywho, TGIF people.
I’m not doing anything special this weekend other than possibly making another dance video and most likely nursing a monsterous hangover on either Saturday or Sunday.
What are your weekend plans?
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- I’m posting in the middle of the day today so try not to freak out.
I used to have a printer that would turn itself on in the middle of the night and just start printing things and spewing paper everywhere. We almost had to have an exorcism.
in other news, I LOVE KATHY GRIFFIN . Let me know if you need help in any scheming. She is awesome.
weekend plans involve going out tomorrow night drinking enough alcohol to forget what a miserable week this was. then on sunday, i will berate myself for having drank so much and try not to dry heave while doing laundry. Should be a good time.
Ashley- We worship Kathy too. Anyone who has the balls to flip off an entire audience at the Emmy’s and tell them to suck her dick is worthy of our respect and admiration. We’re thinking of some sort of interpretive dance/poetry combo. It’s very much in the concept phase right now. I’ll keep you posted. Enjoy your night out. I too will be berating myself for having drank too much, going to bed at 2am, and having to wake up at 5am to a toddler who is ready to roll. Oh, and she NEVER takes a nap. Ugh. I’m already dreading it, but am powerless to stop it. CHEERS!
Oh man, I feel so bad for you. Wet Foot is the fucking worst. It is one of the worst thing that can happen to a person. I’m pretty sure they used it as a method of torture during WWII.
where is this “about” section of yours???
Chris-I know, right?
Aznman-Wine-mongering, Potty Mouthed, Liberal Approval Whore or All About Me. That would be my “about” section.
ah well its in the section thats titled “pages” at the moment
for some reason i saw the words “bush” and “pictures of you” in the same sentence and i figured that husband of yours was up to no good….
Kristen, any help you might need vis-a-vie devising shenanigans to attract Kathy Griffin – count me in. As for weekend plans, hubby got his bonus so I will be doing copious amounts of shopping and apparently from my daughter’s post, Sunday will be a mixture of racing her to the washing machine and holding her hair back while she “regrets” the night before.
aznman- no, no, no the PORN is on my OTHER website silly!
Lynne–You’re a good mom. I’ll let you know if I need shenanigan assistance.
Hope you get to see Kathy Griffin up close and personal. I adore her and have enjoyed several of her Netflix.
Wet shoe…I went on a home visit with Nurse Charlene. I have jst left the hospital visiting a very, very sick child. Mommy saw Charlene stop in front of her house and that I was in the car. Mommy came out in the POURING RAIN wearing only a tee shirt and panties. It was very cold and I wanted to get her in out of the rain. I jumped out of the car, and my right foot landed in a deep puddle. My shoe was sucked off. I was routing around in the puddle with my foot. I finally found my shoe poured the water out of it, and went in for the home visit. Many relatives were waiting to hear my pronouncement about the sick baby. I went step, squish, step, squish all the way into the house. I sat on the edge of a filthy couch telling the family about the baby. The heat came up and because I was sitting almost on top of the radiator, my right foot/shoe started to STINK as it baked. It was hard to focus on telling this family horrible news smelling my stinking foot. So much for professionalism.
I laughed and laughed, so I had to comment again. Little Missy’s interview with the snot school could have gone so badly. I’ve heard her say those very words. She’s spit upon yours truly. Haven’t heard the f-bomb yet, but I’m sure it’s inevitible. Sesame Street is so evil these days. Regarding Paiget, I could tell you about Piaget…I’m a long-time studier of Piaget. Let’s talk. Don’t let Principal Snot intimidate you. I’m old, but I can keep up.