Yesterday morning was one of those mornings that make me afraid to drive, or move, or breathe for fear of what mishap awaits next. Before 1:00 pm yesterday, the following things made me wonder if my guardian angel is on vacation or in prison or something:
7:35 am: Shaving incident in a delicate area (baby oil is a slippery, slippery thing my friend–not for amateurs).
8:20 am: Knife handle violently and suddenly breaks away from blade surprising the shit out of me to the point where I had to count my digits to be sure all remained intact.
8:25 am: Eggs exploded out of my new microwaveable poaching device and splattering all over everything within a ten foot radius.
9:50 am: Filling my mug at the water cooler at work and somehow winding up soaking the back bottom of my pant leg as well as the knee of the opposite leg.
11:30 am: Read a small children’s book called Someday and cried my eyes out in front of everyone at work.
12:55 pm: Upon getting out of my car I noticed the sound of running water. Looking all around the garage for the source, I found that it was coming from my open travel mug and pouring directly onto my foot.
1:00 pm: Successfully not dead by the time I climb the stairs into the house. My foot is soggy, but other than that I am safe and mostly unharmed (except for the cut on the delicates).