I got an email from Rachel regarding a product that I’ve actually heard of before, but blocked out of my memory until she brought it to my attention this morning. It actually left her speechless, and if you know Rach like I know Rach, you know that’s never happened before.
It’s politely called South Beach Skin Solutions Lightning Gel for Sensitive Areas, but what it really is is ass hole bleach. That’s right, bleach for your ass hole. Apparently you can tan your skin brown, but your butt hole needs to be white. I’m not even fucking kidding you. If you don’t believe me, go to www.southbeachskinsolutions.com to check it out for yourself.
Here’s my question: Who cares what color your bum is? Are there people who are so vain as to think someone cares? Seriously! Are the fashion police roaming around South Beach pulling people’s pants down, bending them over and writing them tickets for having the wrong color down there? Who ever even looks there but a proctologist? And if you’re seeing a proctologist you’ve got bigger problems than just a brown bum!
I don’t think I’ve ever even seen mine to know what color it is, and chances are your significant other is just so overjoyed to be there in the first place they don’t care if it’s got pink and purple polka dots on it and whistles glory glory hallelujah! As far as I can imagine, the people who buy this stuff are most likely the same people who have their labia surgically altered to reduce the floppy “wizard cuffs” effect. That’s another phenomenon that is beyond my comprehension.
I guess I could maybe sort of understand using the stuff on your nipples because they’re more visible and nobody wants big ol’ brown bologna nipples, but that’s where my understanding ends. Unless you’re a porn star, I see no need for this foolishness.
You should love your back door just the way it is.
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February 6th, 2008 at 1:03 PM
this is wrong on so many levels. it makes me cringe just thinking about why anyone would need that.
February 6th, 2008 at 1:53 PM
i think it should go one step further–
why stop at boring old “white?”
i maintain that your third eye’s color should match the first two!
sooooooooooooooooooooooooo let’s get some blue-grey-green dye and have a party in the bathroom…
February 6th, 2008 at 2:06 PM
more about anal bleaching
February 6th, 2008 at 2:18 PM
Dear Ken, Would my Easter Egg Coloring Kit do the trick?
February 7th, 2008 at 12:09 PM
My friend Pat AKA “The Assman” has been talking about this for years. He actually wanted to start a business here bleaching ass. LOL I have to say that a bleached ass is very hot, but not necessary. You know if a girl is bleaching her ass you are going to get some ass play later. Why would she bleach it if she didn’t want to show it off and get some action? It’s all about the presentation, when you go to a fine restaurant the presentation is just as important then the meal.
March 19th, 2008 at 10:03 AM
here’s another link:
http://www.villagevoice.com/people/0528,taormino,65754,24.html
November 15th, 2008 at 10:27 AM
i’ve found out that some guys actually LIKE the wizard cuffs.
strange but true.
also a pretty healthy niche for bologna nipples, fwiw.