Olestra: Now With Sharting

Warning: embarassing and personal, yet valuable consumer alert.

From this moment on, it shall be known as The Olestra Incident of 2008.

There I was this morning, minding my own business when a little gas slipped out. Normally this would not be a noteworthy event, but this was special. It was…juicy. “Huh” I thought to myself, “that’s odd.” And then I checked.

It was oil.

OIL!!!!

FROM MY BUTT!!!

Naturally, I was completely horrified as my husband laughed hysterically at me. I’ve heard of this happening to people, I’ve even joked about it from time to time, but I never imagined it could happen to me!! I traced it back to the 1/2 can of Light Pringles cooked in Olestra I consumed at lunch yesterday which in restrospect turns out to have been a very bad idea. I should have listened to my husband when he told me to cool it with the chips. Now I cannot leave the house because the only thing worse than sharting at home is sharting at The Home Depot.

I’ve learned that when it comes to chips, you can either eat the regular ones and have a fat ass, or eat the Olestra chips and have an oily one.

I think I’ll just have pickles on the side next time.

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