After a horrendous day today, I treated myself to a nice hot bath and a glass of wine. I went all out and used both my Kama Sutra Treasures of the Sea bath salts and Mr. Bubble for sensitive skin. The water was a gorgeous aquamarine color with about 5 inches of wonderful bubbles floating on top.
Ahhhh….the hot water enveloped me and it felt super.
Now what?
I don’t know about you, but a bath always seems like a good idea until I’ve been in there for roughly 2 minutes and then I’m bored and want to get out, but I can’t. I feel guilty wasting all that hot water and force myself to stay at least until my toes are pruny.
“What can I do?” I wondered while studying the ceiling and lightly drumming Ode to Joy with my nails on the side of the tub. I’d most certainly drop a book in the water, so that was right out. I considered masturbating, but that doesn’t work so well under water. I thought some light stretching might be nice, but it turned into something more like pilates instead and I slipped under the water and nearly drowned. I considered shaving, but who wants to sit in all those yucky little hairs? Counting bubbles was a lesson in frustration since I can only count to 100 without becoming terribly confused. I re-visited the masturbation issue, but did not overturn my initial decision. I finally settled on seeing if I could agitate the Mr. Bubble enough for the bubbles to go over the sides of the tub. It worked, I got a little arm workout, and I was satisfied that my bath was not a waste of time and water. I got out, lobster red, and more relaxed than I was before.
And that’s how I entertained myself in the tub tonight.
You thought it was a masturbation story, didn’t you?
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January 16th, 2008 at 6:12 AM
That is fucking hysterical!!! On the rare occasion, I wrestle with the idea of relaxing in the bath. For me, I have to decide if I can actually relax while watching my fat float to the top of the water line. It’s always a toss up as to whether the relaxation of the warm bubbles trumps the frustration of lying there looking right into a pool of my own lard. Then there’s the problem of calculating exactly how much to actually fill the bath, knowing that there will be a lot of displacement going on when I get in. I start with a cup of water and go from there.
January 16th, 2008 at 2:08 PM
i’m disappointed that it DIDN’T turn out to be a masturbation story!
January 16th, 2008 at 2:42 PM
actually Ken, it was–she told me–but it involved thoughts of Matthew McConaughey and she didn’t want you to feel bad….:-)