What’s the Frequency Kenneth?

Why are boys so naturally odoriferous?

Hell if I know.

Could it be part of God’s punishment of Eve or some sort of attempt at population control? Maybe there’s an obscure Bible passage about it: “And the Lord said unto Eve, thou shalt be cursed with the odors of the husband for many years. And thou shalt not wish to share his bed, and thou shalt blog about it.”

Seriously, why else would we be living with such an array of, ahem, husbandly musks? Our bed alone is a fine demonstration of the disparity between my bathing frequency and bodily smells and his. My side of the bed smells like flowery lotion and botanical shampoo. His smells like beer, pot, sweat, motor oil and balls. Attractive.

Does anyone else have stinky husband problems? Are you yourself a stinky husband? I mean, maybe it’s just my husband–I’m married to Pigpen. He’s not particularly gassy or anything like that, but if he showers and shaves twice in the same week, I suspect him of cheating. He claims it’s the European thing to do, and I object to this on two counts; 1) Europeans are smelly! 2) This is a laziness issue not a lifestyle choice.

At any rate, it’s not helping his sex life. I’m not into Yetis. If I were, there would be a lot more furry, smelly little kids running around this place. Perhaps a simple increase in bathing frequency-–let’s say from two times per week to five, would be a good step on the road to hygiene. He might even get lucky if he starts brushing his teeth too.

I wonder if Matthew McConaughey has any trouble getting action. He’s another hygienically challenged boy who prefers his “natural scent, the scent of a man” to the smell of soap.  He might very well be exempt from the odor issue as I suppose if my husband looked like him, I could find a way to get past it…perhaps.

Ugh. I just don’t know.  Why couldn’t I have just been born a lesbian instead? Girls just smell better.

(If you really want a good laugh this morning at the expense of poor husbands, check out Lynne’s blog in the rays of a beautiful sun. I’ve got to get my husband some of that!)

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6 comments

  1. Hmmm, I notice that aznman tried to totally change the subject-*eye roll*-a poor attempt to override the fact that it is the buffet of male smells that works as the purest form of birth control in this country. Luckily my husband is more “metro” than most and showers EVERY day…and is smart enough to realize the correlation between wearing cologne and the increase in sex. As for the European thing to do…it’s pure bulls*&! I would have hoped that Kenny could have at least come up with a more ingenious excuse than that lame-o explanation.

  2. I can’t help you out there honey; my husband though he does leave me presents of his dirty socks on the kitchen counter, doesn’t just shower once a day, he showers twice a day. He is actually overly conscious of his bodily smells and tries to compensate with showering. Sadly, one can only cleanse the outside!

  3. I can relate your pain. I dealt with that for many years while living with he-who-shall-not-be-named. Thankfully, Jeff has wonderful metro man-hygine practices. I didn’t know it was possible! And routine man-scapeing! I may have just died and gone to heaven. The geek in me thinks this may somehow be a intersting clinical study in hygene practices and frequency of sex etc…..

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