Target Detox

I’ve put myself on Target detox. I cannot keep walking in there to buy things like a box of envelopes and walk out with $100 worth of crap. Seriously. I’m banned for at least a month. It’s day 4 and I’m feeling a little weird and sort of disconnected. I guess that’s a good thing. Its working its way out of my system.

I was unlucky enough to be stopped at a light right outside the Target entrance this morning. I started to twitch—first my right eyelid/cheek area, then my left hand as I fought to keep from putting on my directional and turning into the lot. I stayed clean, kept my hands firmly on the wheel, and drove on. I made it. This time.

I don’t know how strong I’ll be in the future, so I’m wondering if they make a drug like the one they give alcoholics. When you take it and enter a Target store you are immediately reduced to a quivering mass of uncontrollable explosive oily diarrhea and profuse bleeding of the eyes (the cures for which, btw, if you can manage to crawl over there, are located in the pharmacy department just past the cosmetics, but before the pet department on the far right hand side of the store).

I need help. I don’t think I can do this alone. Would anyone like to sponsor me so I have someone to lean on during those sketchy times like when toilet paper is on sale 2 for 1 or Christmas decorations are 90% off?


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  1. Sorry honey, there’s no pill you have to go through the pain and the withdrawals, twitching and all. Please know that you are not alone, I always go in there for one or two things and come out wtih a carriage full!

  2. I agree with Lynne, besides, I think I would rather spend $100 than take a pill and get “uncontrollable explosive oily diarrhea and profuse bleeding of the eyes”


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