Stuff You Can Do With Spit

You can learn a lot from a toddler, you just have to keep an open mind. For example, my little Macgyver has taught me about the many uses for spit.

You can use spit to glue stuff to the wall. Just hock a loogie on whatever it is you want to stick to the wall, and stick it to the wall. If it slides off, simply re-apply with gentle pressure until adherence is achieved.  This works particularly well with foam Cinderella puzzle pieces, but you can use it for anything, really.

You can make a watch out of just spit and an Elmo stamp. Just spit on the Elmo stamp and stamp it to your wrist.

Spit is great for expressing discontent. Simply spit on the offending party and they’re sure to back away in horror, thereby leaving you in peace without anyone having the balls to piss you off a second time.

Depending on what your goals are at the time, you can either clean or draw on a chalk board with spit and a paint brush.

Spit is good entertainment when you’re on the naughty step. Just rest your forehead between your knees and see how long it takes for your string of spit to reach the floor. Once it does, you can paint pictures on the floor using the toe of your sneaker. Your two minutes will soon be over and you can go back to sticking stuff on the wall, which will probably land you back on the naughty step, where you can then do more of your toe drawings…

Spit is also a great cleaner for shopping cart handles–use your tongue to wipe the germs away in a jiffy!

It has antibiotic qualities and can be used to heal boo-boos.

It makes an excellent doll shampoo or mirror cleaner–your choice.

I urge you to stop wasting precious cash on things like soap, glue, wristwatches, windex and paint.  You have all you need already and it’s always there, you never run out, and no one can take it away from you.  It’s a wonderful thing!


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  1. You forgot the old face spit-shine. Haven’t you ever licked your finger and cleaned your daughter’s face with it? My kids used to love that!!

  2. toddlers + spit + stories = cute and funny

    adults + spit + stories = rude and obnoxious

    toddlers can get away with anything….

    i wish i was a toddler…

    …poop in my pants…throw food everywhere….i can do anything i want and the worst punishment i can get a 2 min timeout…

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