• 6:15 am: Wake up to realize we overslept and it’s 5 degrees outside.
• 7:00 am: Experience pain like no other doing Yogalates with sadistic bitch Kristin McGee and her 4 lemmings.
• 7:45 am: Discover that water pipes in kitchen have frozen solid. No. Water.
• 8:00 am: Run out of warmish water in shower. Cold water rinse only.
• 8:15 am: Get dressed in 53 degree bedroom.
• 8:30 am: Baby discovers basket of clean laundry and proceeds with alternating hands to pitch clothes over her shoulders out of basket onto floor.
• 8:30 am: In an attempt to get basket away from baby, accidentally smash baby in lip with basket.
• 8:31 am: Baby screaming and bleeding profusely about the lip/gums.
• 8:32 am: Where the fuck is the baby Tylenol?
• 8:35 am: Shockingly late for work (due in by 9:00) and still have to bring baby to Papa’s house.
• 8:37 am: Attempt to pour Vanilla Chai tea into fabulous new pink travel mug. Miss fabulous new pink travel mug and instead sustain 3rd degree burns on hand and wrist area.
• 8:40 am: Found the jacket. Found the hat. Where the fuck is the other purple mitten?
• 8:45 am: Toy of the day for Papa’s house: Disney Princess teapot full of pony beads and a small plastic fairy.
• 8:45 & 1/2: Tea pot full of pony beads dropped. Pony beads alloverthefuckingplace.
• 8:50 am: In car. Cannot see out of rear window. Run into ice bank at end of driveway. Car. Not. Moving.
• 8:51 am: Pedal to the metal and burn rubber!!! Neighbors point and laugh.
• 8:52 am: “Momma? What’s that smell?” “It’s the smell of rubber burning, honey.” “Momma, you need to clean the car on the inside. It’s stinky.”
• 8:57 am: Baby safely delivered, sans breakfast, to Papa’s house.
• 8:58 am: God damned Vanilla Chai flipped over and spilled into console of car.
• 9:10 am: Safely arrived at work. No apparent damage to car from ice bank.
• 9:20 am: Burn tongue on raging hot remnants of God damned Vanilla Chai.
• 9:22 am: The smell of burned rubber still in my hair. Email husband and ask him to pick up a bottle of wine for me. I’ve just got a feeling I’m gonna need it tonight…

Similar Posts:

• A Morning in the Life: A Chronological Tale 2.0
• Water Wizz! What?
• A Dog and Pony Christmas
• The Cold and the Soapy
• It’s Crissy Does the Same Shit As Always Week!

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 3rd, 2008 at 9:37 AM and is filed under You're gonna shit when I tell you!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.