My Love in a Paper Napkin

No, I’m not talking about the “dream catchers” my husband leaves around the house for me to find.

This is an actual ad for Vanity Fair napkins. Here’s the stereotypical All-American thirtysomething couple sitting at a table looking at each other like they’re about to have 10 minutes of hot and wild missionary sex with the lights turned off.

And the ad reads:

The {he’s-still-a-great-date} napkin.

The kids are at your Mom’s. The napkin is Vanity Fair. Soft. Thick. And so good looking. Just like the guy across the table.

I’m not even fucking kidding you.


Remember the movie Crazy People when they hired a bunch of lunatics to write advertisements and taglines?

Jaguar: For men who want hand jobs.

This is:

Vanity Fair napkins: We’ll help you mop up afterward.

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  1. perhaps i’m reading it wrong, but is the “guy across the table” not just “good looking,” but also “soft,” and “thick?”

    “thick,” sure, that’s a fine feather to have in the cap. but coupled with “soft?” i’d rather be hard and thin than soft and thick.

    and hey, i don’t leave the dreamcatchers for you to just _find._ i leave them for you to ferret away in some secret hidden place for safe keeping and worship.

    you mean you haven’t been doing that?

    finally, there’s another great tagline that you mustn’t forget:

    i wish i could afford some.

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