‘Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the house
The whole damn family was drunk as a louse.

Grandpa and grandma were singing a song
And the kid was in bed flogging his dong.

Ma home from the cat-house and I out of jail
Had just settled down for a good piece of tail.
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter,

I jumped off ma to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I mad a mad dash,
Threw open the window and fell on my ass.

And what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and a dozen reindeer.

With a little old driver holding his prick,
I knew in a moment that bastard was nick.

Slower than snails his chargers they came.

He bitched and he swore as he called them by name.

‘Now Dancer, now Prancer, up over the walls
Quick now, damn it or I’ll cut off your balls.

Then up on the roof he stumbled and fell
And came down the chimney like a bat out of hell.

He staggered and wobbled and puked all over me
Tripped on his cock and fell into the tree

Then he climbed back up the chimney,
The fat piece of dung.
He mooned me two times.
He stuck out his tongue!

Breaking wind with glee as he drove out of sight
I heard him exclaim (I don’t think he ment me)
‘Piss on you all …….. its been a hell of a night’.