The good, the bad, and the ugly. Gifts for 2007!

What kind of a pathetic loser actually takes her camera to Wal-Mart?

Me. I do. I am such a loser.

Those of you who plan to stay out of the stores this shopping season are really missing out on some truly unique gift giving opportunities. Let’s stroll down the gift aisle shall we? Click on the pictures to see these products in all their glory. Really, I don’t even have to comment (even though I will anyway).

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Heiress by Paris Hilton. Wow. I’m guessing that this is the closest she’s ever come to actually being inside a Wal-Mart store. What does an heiress smell like anyway? A twat full of money?

What?

Who said that?

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An Arch of Beauty. An Arch? Of beauty? I think it’s safe to assume that this set will deliver anything BUT Beauty. Perhaps what it does promise is an emergency trip to the dermatologist.

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His Sexiest Musks. As if men weren’t musky enough, here’s an interesting trio of fragrances: Armpit, Taint, and the ever-popular Balls.

Bod Man. According to the packaging, if you wear this cologne, chicks will “want your bod”. Uh huh. Guys out there, listen up. If you have trouble getting a little action, you’ve apparently been wearing the wrong fragrance. This is the stuff you need to have all the fly girlies on your jammie.

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A camouflage grooming kit. Ideal for the hunter who likes to look his best while slaughtering innocent fuzzy woodland creatures.

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A reindeer that shits jellybeans. There are no words…

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Nothing says “White Trash” quite like a commemorative Elvis Pez dispenser. Actually, three says it even better.

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Here’s our girl! Entertain today the Rachel way…by slipping a little cocaine into the artichoke dip.

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Ahhhh…I just love a good hot cock in the morning! Maybe if I had one of these bad boys, the people at work would quit stealing my cup.

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This is actually kind of cute and I wouldn’t puke if someone gave it to me, but does anyone ever actually use these things?

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Meats and cheeses requiring no refrigeration whatsoever. Scares the bejeezus out of me. And, wait, does that say Ham-A-Rama on the price tag in the corner?

Huhuhuhuhuh……

These were only a few of the fantastic things I saw on my shopping adventure. I’m usually a Target kind of girl, but I found myself at Wal-Mart instead because I decided to go slumming.

I’m so glad I did!

Now you all know what you’re getting for Christmas! I don’t even have to wrap it!

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17 comments

  1. i had no idea balls, taint, and armpit were such coveted fragrances! and to think i’ve been wasting my superfluous supply all this time. 🙁

  2. I actually saw the reindeer in person and thought it was hilarious–nothing says Merry Christmas more than Rectal Rudolph. Do I dare ask what “Taint” is?

  3. Rachel, a taint is the area from a mans balls to ass-hole …oops can i say that?
    so Kristen why did you bring your camera to wallmart? is your “hubby dearest” that challenged that you had to submit pictures of your christmas wish list this year?

  4. I have actually seen the elusive pooping reindeer on the RIC campus. He lives in office #104. I actually saw the person (hmmm to protect him lets just call him Jerry)in that office eating jelly bean bung one day.

  5. This is to all you cacacazzo(s) out there.
    you don’t know what a living hell my life was before that nice man in office 104 took me in and rescued me from that miserable santa. i worked my ass off 364 days a year just to prepare for this miserable
    Night Before Christmas

    ‘Twas the night before Christmas
    When all through the house
    The whole damn family was drunk as a louse.

    Grandpa and grandma were singing a song
    And the kid was in bed flogging his dong.

    Ma home from the cat-house and I out of jail
    Had just settled down for a good piece of tail.
    When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter,

    I jumped off ma to see what was the matter.

    Away to the window I mad a mad dash,
    Threw open the window and fell on my ass.

    And what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
    But a rusty old sleigh and a dozen reindeer.

    With a little old driver holding his prick,
    I knew in a moment that bastard was nick.

    Slower than snails his chargers they came.

    He bitched and he swore as he called them by name.

    ‘Now Dancer, now Prancer, up over the walls
    Quick now, damn it or I’ll cut off your balls.

    Then up on the roof he stumbled and fell
    And came down the chimney like a bat out of hell.

    He staggered and wobbled and puked all over me
    Tripped on his cock and fell into the tree

    Then he climbed back up the chimney,
    The fat piece of dung.
    He mooned me two times.
    He stuck out his tongue!

    Breaking wind with glee as he drove out of sight
    I heard him exclaim (I don’t think he ment me)
    ‘Piss on you all …….. its been a hell of a night’.

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